Tethered
by blairstory
Summary: "We can't." That was the idea but instead they gave into their desires the night of Erin's high school reunion. It was supposed to be easy. Simple. Partners by day. Friends with benefits by night. No strings attached. But it was never easy for them, especially when it was getting harder and harder to hide their feelings everyday, even in the dark.
1. Let's take this back to the start

Chapter 1: Let's take this back to the start

"We can't."

Erin bit her lips, shaking her head softly even though she felt her body heat up even from the simple touch of hands. Jay's hand was holding hers as his sparkling eyes sent her a heated gaze across the table. He was looking so hot in his suit, not that Erin was exactly surprised. She had a hot partner, if any of the looks that he received from various women wherever they went were any indication.

"Come on, let's get you home," Jay offered, his usual grin on his face. Erin reluctantly agreed, grabbing her small clutch and standing up. They were standing so close together now, only little space in between their bodies and Erin knew if she just moved an inch, she'd be able to feel that hard chest of his against hers. Erin exhaled, the close proximity of their bodies giving her an easier access to study him. Tall and handsome, the crisp dark suit mixed with the intoxicating scent of his cologne made him smolder even more in the dim lightings of the bar. She sighed, having a hard time resisting this beautiful man in front of her. Perhaps it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to throw caution to the wind and have him the way she wanted. If the sparks she felt from just a simple touch of their hands earlier was any sort of preview, then them together in the most carnal way would be straight fire. Fireworks even.

"Maybe one day," she voiced her thought, almost wistfully. Maybe one day, she would be brave enough to put the need for professionalism aside and give into her desires. To stop letting Voight treat her like a child and just do what she wanted. Maybe.

"Oh definitely," he retorted back, the same grin on his face coloring it that she had to roll her eyes affectionately. He just laughed, tossing his hands over her shoulder and bringing her closer to his chest, his cologne invading her nose even more.

* * *

They stepped out of the bar, bodies still attached to one another. Jay pulled away just to pull off his jacket and hung it over her shoulder, protecting her from the chill of the night. She smiled her thanks at him. "Always a gentleman," she teased.

She knew there was just another innuendo on the tip of his tongue but he held it back, just pocketing his hand in his pants and walking toward to the curb to hail a cab. "Come on," he called, opening the door for her as she entered the yellow car.

The sexual tension lingered in the car as they sat close to each other, thigh touching thigh. She knew the smarter thing to do was to leave some space between them but it was like their bodies were magnets, needing to remain close to each other. She felt the heat of his body next to her, goosebumps forming immediately as he reached over slowly and gently placed his hand on her bare thigh, just where her dress ended. Maybe he was expecting her to push his hand off, the way he inched toward her slowly and if Erin was a stronger person, she would have. But her resolve was weak and his touch was so electrifying that she didn't stop him. She couldn't.

Instead a sudden boldness took over her. She reached over to hold his hand that was on her thigh and slowly trailed it further up until it was just inside of her thigh. She couldn't face him, not when she felt his eyes on her, a quiet gasp escaped his mouth obviously surprised. Her heart was racing, her breathing quickened as Jay started trailing his fingers on her inner thigh, inching up slowly little by little. She closed her eyes, letting his hand further explore her body, grateful that the back of the taxi remained dark, the driver too caught up with humming along to Coldplay to pay attention to what was happening in the backseat.

His fingers were slowly ghosting over her smooth skin, like they had lips of their own leaving tantalizing kisses on it. She leaned her head to the side, trying to control her mouth from releasing any sounds of pleasure that she was feeling inside. Instead, she reached over to place her hand on his thigh, feeling the hard muscles tensing underneath her touch. She brought her hand further up, just until she began to feel the beginning of his hard length in his pants and she pulled her hand away quickly, like she had been scorched.

She needed to get out of the taxi and get some space because if she had to stay in that small space one more second with him, she was sure she was going to jump him right then and there. Thankfully, the gods above her had some mercy as her apartment building came into view. Jay quickly paid the driver and followed her out and up to the third floor where her apartment was located.

"Erin," there was a strange element to his voice that caught her attention enough for her to pause her fast tracks to her place and turn around. They stood outside of her door, eyes locked onto each other, wondering if it was a good idea to voice what happened in the cab, the line they almost crossed. She watched him licked his lips, butterflies swarming her stomach at the gesture even more, and he leaned forward, lips just inches apart. His eyes bore into hers, searching for something, leaving her to feel expose at what he saw in them. Did he see just how much she wanted him? How just his touch made her crazy with need and desire? How their little moment in the cab made her want to just straddle him? She was sure it was written all over her face.

"Good night," she whispered. His eyes were still locked onto her and she could practically feel her heart pound so hard she was sure he could hear it. "Jay," she barely got his name out before he cut her off by his lips crashing onto hers.

She was taken by surprise by the sudden kiss, her hands reaching up to grip his arms but when his tongue started to ask for entrance, any last remaining resistance she had toward him evaporated. She pulled him closer to her, wrapping her arms around him as she allowed his tongue inside her mouth. She had thought about kissing him before, daydreamed about it even but it was nothing like she imagined. She imagined fire. She had received an inferno.

It was like his lips were just the touch of magic she needed in her life, mouth moving expertly to give her most pleasure. He pressed against her harder and she moaned, loving the pressure. His tongue was exploring her mouth, fighting for dominance against hers and she sucked at it, making him groan, tugging her hips against his closer.

They nipped and sucked and kissed, hands roaming all over each other. He turned her body around so she was resting by the door, his hand holding her back up so she was arching her body towards him. His mouth traveled down to her neck, Erin leaning her head to give him even more access. She gripped his shoulders as he brought his magical mouth down to her bare skin.

"Jay," she grunted, pulling away to calm herself down before they started having sex out in the hallway and giving her neighbors a show. "We got to…"

"Don't stop," Jay groaned, kissing her collarbones. "You taste so good."

"Mmm," she hummed, hands resting on his hips. "Inside," she could barely get her words out coherently. "Inside," she repeated, trying her best to unlock her door without separating Jay's lips from her skin. Somehow she had managed and she pulled Jay inside with her, tossing her stuff on the floor as she crashed backwards into the wall.

She began to pull Jay's suit jacket off of him then began working on the buttons of his shirt while he worked on the zipper on the back of her black dress. He pulled it down slowly, finger trailing the bare skin that was exposed. The buttons on his shirts were frustrating her efforts to get him naked as fast as she could so she tear the shirt until the buttons flew off. "Oops."

"I hated this shirt anyways," was his mumble of a prely before resuming his own mission of undressing her. Her dress met the floor and she sidestepped and kicked the dress to the side. She focused on his belt next, pulling it at to get it off and release its hold on his pants. She moaned when his lips found her neck again, sucking at the skin so hard that she was sure there'd be hickies the next day. But right now she couldn't give a damn. She just needed him. Finally she got the belt off and his pants unzipped and soon, all they had on were their underwear.

Their lips rejoined, Erin's arms going around his neck and he cupped her ass and lifted her up until she straddled him, their cores pressing against each other. "Bedroom," she directed, pointing her fingers towards her room and he carried her there, lips joined the whole trek there.

She bounced slightly as he laid her on the edge of her bed and he stood in between her legs, his hands gripping her shoulders until she looked up and met his eyes. His eyes were glazed over, desire and want clear in them, but she knew without him voicing it that if she told him to stop, he'd do it. She trusted him completely and that trust—that connection between them—was what made it easier for her to continue. She reached behind her back to unhook her bra and pulled the material off her shoulder, his eyes landing her on her bare breasts. She laid back down on the bed and scooted up, her eyes beckoning him to follow her until he was hovering over her.

"Kiss me," she demanded, pulling his head down to reconnect their lips and he obliged easily. Her nails dug into his back when his lips traveled from her lips to her neck before landing on her chest, his tongue teasing her nipples until she shivered all over. She felt the immediate loss of heat and pleasure when he pulled away, hovering over her again. She was about to ask what was wrong until she caught onto his plan. She lifted her body up slightly when he began to pull her lace underwear down her legs and tossed them over his shoulders. She was completely exposed to him, his eyes studying her naked form like he wanted to memorize every inch of her. Instead of feeling nervous or scared under his unwavering gaze, she felt beautiful. She felt desired. It drove her own need to see all of him too.

It was as though he could read her mind, he pulled away to tug his own boxer down until they were both equally exposed. She took him in—all of him—and was impressed by what she saw. Now she understood why he was always so cocky—_rightfully confident_, according to him. She gave him an impressed look, finding it adorable that he had managed to blush at her approval.

He really was a dichotomy sometimes. He was always straightforward with her but managed to be sensitive to her needs, he saw a lot of things in black and white but allowed for gray when it came to her, he was confident but blushed like a schoolboy under her stare. Somehow the juxtapositions of his traits were what made him _him_ and she wanted all of him.

He sheathed himself and leaned over her again, not yet entering her just like she wanted. Instead, his eyes implored into her one more time, looking for any traces of doubt or hesitancy in them.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, face inches away from hers and she nodded, hoping that he saw nothing in her eyes except her absolute certainty that she wanted this to happen.

"Yes," she assured him, thinking that he needed her to actually voice her permission. That seemed to be what he was looking for and he entered her slowly, her breath sharpening as she adjusted to him. Her fingers gripped his hard shoulder as he inched into her until he filled her up to the hilt. His groan mixed with her moan as he completed her, his body taut and rigid while she adjusted to his length, feeling his cock pulsing inside her. He peered down at her, his fingers grazed her cheeks so tenderly that she lost her breath. Her fingers reached up and thumbed his impossibly smooth jaw—a sign of the length he went to impress her high school nemesis tonight, for her. She smiled softly, ready to go all the way.

"Move," she whispered, lightly bucking up her hips so he'd start moving his hips. It was slow at first, his hips moving in a slow rhythm to start their rollercoaster ride to the stars. Soon enough, he quickened his pace until it matched their breaths. But she wanted—no, _needed_—him deeper so she tangled her legs around him and tightened her hold until he got the wordless message. His fingers gripped her hips as he snapped his hips harder, his cock going in and out of her until he was fucking her at a pace she desperate craved. Her cries of pleasure were broken, loud and needy and they only seemed to spurred him on even more, his fingers gripping her hips tighter. He grunted, mouths releasing almost incoherent words about how good she felt and how beautiful she was but she understood.

The bed creaked louder and louder as he drove inside her again and again, her back and hip bucking up to meet his every motion. She was getting close, she felt it coming and when he reached his fingers down and found her clit, she was a goner. She cried out her release, her legs trembling at reaching her peak and she wrapped her arms around him while he sought out his own. After a few more snaps, his hips stuttered then he stilled, finally finding his own peak and he released the most sinful sound she had ever heard in her life as he emptied himself.

She pulled him down until his weight was completely on her as they recovered from their highs. She felt him still inside her, his cock twitching ever so slightly and she clenched herself around him, not wanting him to exit just yet. They were both breathing hard, hearts racing a million miles a minute but somehow he found enough energy to press kisses onto her damp skin before meeting her lips, a breathtaking conclusion to what just happened between them.

* * *

"I can't believe that just happened," his voice broke the quiet atmosphere and she turned her head to face him, an eye squinted open. She was lying on her stomach while he laid on his back, both of them still recovering from their strenuous activity. "I mean, that was fucking amazing but I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around that it actually happened."

"You having regrets Halstead?" her tone was unreadable, like she was bracing herself for him saying that it was a mistake, that it shouldn't have happened.

Jay was quick to quell any doubts though, turning so he was on his side facing her and placing an arm around her naked back, fingers running on her smooth skin. "No," he answered quickly. "No regrets here. Not when it feels that amazing." She chuckled slightly, eyes gazing at his face. His hair was a mess and his forehead was sweaty but the healthy flush he had on his face made him even more gorgeous than before. "You?"

Now it was his turn to sound nervous as he waited for her answer. She bit her lips, thinking of the line they just crossed in their relationship. It felt right, their bodies felt like they were made for each other. He certainly knew what he was doing, how to touch, kiss and tease her just right until she felt the ultimate pleasure. "No regrets here either."

That seemed to please him and he smiled, scooting closer to her until he was close enough to kiss her. it was a soft and languid kiss, in complete contrast to the frantic ones they had before. He was still smiling as he pulled away, resting his forehead against her. She could practically see the hope in his eyes, see the expectations he now had written in them so clearly. Her eyes fluttered close when his lips found her forehead, kissing the damp skin there. "Jay," her voice was hoarse and raspy, she dreaded what she was about to say but knowing it needed to be set.

"Yeah?" he asked nervously, picking up on her tone easily. He also knew her so well. "Erin?"

She opened her eyes so she was looking at him. "That was great, it was," she started, "But we work together. We're partners. And there's rules…." She already felt him pulling away even before she finished her thoughts, like he was walling himself off from her inevitable rejection. "Not to mention, there's Hank."

"I really don't want to talk about Voight," Jay cut her off. "Not when I'm naked in bed with you."

She let out a small laugh. "Fair enough," she reached for his hand. "It's just that we need to be professional. And I don't regret what we did, I don't."

"Sounds like you're regretting it to me," Jay retorted. She pulled his hand closer to her, clutched it to her chest.

"I don't," she repeated. "But like I was saying, we work together."

"So?" Jay shot back. He sighed, shaking off her hold on him and placing his hand on her hips, thumbing it. "Look Erin, I get how important your career is to you. How important Voight is. But what we just did, it had never been like that for me," he confessed. "With anyone ever."

She sucked in her cheeks. "Me too," she admitted.

"I don't know what's going to happen in the future," Jay continued, "But all I know is that I don't think I can have this just be a one-time thing. It feels too good to be just a one night stand. I know you feel it too."

"So what do we do?"

Jay shrugged, hands palming her face now. "I'll take whatever you'll give me Erin. The ball is in your court. You want to give this—us—a real try? I'll face Voight's wrath. All I know is that I can't give this up, not after I found out how amazing it is."

She sighed, a dilemma in her head. She knew she couldn't give him up either. It felt too good with Jay. But there was everything else too. But the sex. "How about for now, we take it casual."

"Define casual."

"Sex, when we need it," Erin replied, fingers grazing his bare back. "This when we crave it. Professional other times."

He frowned, "You mean friends with benefits? No strings attached?"

She nodded, biting her lips. "That's all I can give you right now Jay." He remained quiet as he let her suggestion sink into his head and she waited with bated breath for his answer. That was all she could give him right now and she didn't know what she'd do if he didn't agree to it, demanding something more.

He pulled away from her, resting on his back again. "Jay?"

"Okay," he finally answered. "Okay. If friends with benefits is all you can do then we'll do that." She smiled at his reply, her chest feeling a little bit lighter at him agreeing to a no strings attached relationship. She looked up to study his face, finding it a little bit more closed than it was five minutes before. So she took a risk and reached out to touch his face, trying to soften him and bring him back to her. She lifted herself and rested her weight on her elbow until she was hovering over him, her hair forming a veil around their faces. He looked up and met her eyes, giving her a small smile.

"So what do you say, friend?" she quirked her brows suggestively. "Ready for another round? Make sure we both really understand what the benefits are?" She teased him, her fingers trailing up and down his chest. He seemed like he couldn't resist her offer, finally that grin making it back onto his face.

"Oh yeah," he murmured before she leaned down to meet his waiting lips. She let out a small squeal when his hands grabbed her and pull her over so she straddled him. "I need to know what all the benefits our new arraignment entails. Show me?"

She laughed, her palm resting on his chest. "Gladly," she rasped, bending her head down to just that.

* * *

For some reason this idea wouldn't leave my head for the few couple of days so I just had to write it down. I don't know. I'm such a sucker for early seasons-Linstead. Ah I miss them.

PSA though just in case you guys miss them too. Amazon Prime Video has season 1-5 on it so if you have Prime, you can watch the early days of Linstead. Don't be like me and spend over $100 on actually paying for those seasons.

Anyways, let me know what you guys think.


	2. Line in the Sand

Chapter 2: Line in the sand

Erin was in total bliss, her eyes fluttering shut in untamed pleasure as Jay explored her body like it was his personal wonderland. They had been lost in each other for the last hour, driving each other to the edge and again and at this point, she already lost count. But she didn't care. Not right now. Now when his lips were leaving the most sinful kisses on her thighs, inching closer and closer up to where she wanted them the most. But he was a sadist—the way he was teasing her right now, knowing just how desperate she was getting under his kisses. She practically mewled when his lips ghosted over her core, his warm breaths driving her mad. Her fingers reached down and found their way into his hair, tugging at the short strands. She felt his lips formed into a smirk on her skin and she knew he was just loving having her under his control.

"Jay!" It almost sounded like a whine, a desperate plea but she couldn't bother to be embarrassed right now. She didn't care if he knew that he had her right where he wanted, she had a feeling he already knew anyways. She just wanted his lips on her, his tongue in her. And just as he was finally about to oblige her, frantic knocks interrupted them.

He snapped his head up and looked up at her from his position in between her thighs, eyes wide like they had been caught. She almost laughed at the frenzied look on his face.

"Relax Halstead. They're on the other side of the door."

"Expecting someone?" he retorted, shifting off of her so she could get up and find out who was banging on her door. She stood up, legs feeling weak from their activity the past hour, and searched for something to put on. She settled for her nightie and put it on, covering herself with her silk robe. She turned back to Jay who was now leaning his back on the headboard like he belonged in her bed.

"What?" she asked, seeing the way his eyebrows rose at her choice of attire.

He shrugged. "Didn't figure you for a nightie type."

"There's a lot you don't know about me Halstead," she smirked, her face heating up at the way he was staring at her right now, like he wanted to rip off the thin material of her nightie and just have his way with her. And the way he was looking right now? The way he laid on her bed, his taut and toned body barely covered by her sheet, almost made her want to ignore the interrupter and just let him have his way with her. But the frantic knocks continued, causing her to sigh. "Stay here." She instructed, just in case. They hadn't explicitly talked about keeping the arrangement a secret yet but it almost didn't need to be spoken. He rolled his eyes at her, like he found it ridiculous that she even had to tell him in the first place.

"Just hurry up and get rid of whoever it is." He patted the empty space next to him in bed, sending her a heated look. She just chuckled, leaning down to give him a quick peck.

"Clingy," she teased him, earning a laugh. She took a quick look at her reflection in the window, fixing her stray hairs so she didn't look like she had been ravished by her partner who was off limits for the last hour.

* * *

Her bare feet patted down the corridor and swung the door open, barely having time to see who was on the other side when Justin walked in like he was crazed. She cut him off before he made his way further into the living room, not wanting him to find Jay in bed. Really, she should've checked the peephole before she opened the door or she should live in a place where bedrooms came with doors. But who knew that she'd be in this position—hiding her partner in her bedroom like they were teenagers sneaking around from their parents?

"Justin!" She gripped his arms, keeping them in the hallway by the door. "What's up? What's going on?"

"I did something," was all she caught from Justin's panicked mutterings and he started pacing back and forth in the small space.

"What did you do?" She was getting worried now. She knew Justin was having a hard time readjusting, harder than he wanted his dad to know and now he came to her, panicking. She scanned his body up and down, trying to get a clue of what was going on and her eyes landed on his blood stained hands. "Justin, whose blood is this? What did you do?"

"Uh…" he couldn't answer, his mouth hung opened but no coherent words coming out.

"What? Tell me!"

Justin finally recovered, pulling his hands away from her grip. "Uh, I just got in a fight. It's nothing."

She scanned his hands, finding no marks or bruising on them. "There's no open cuts on your hands. Seriously, Justin. Tell me the truth."

"I caught the other guy with my elbow and this is his blood," Justin stammered, pocketing his hands in his jacket to keep them away from her view. "I shouldn't have come here. I got to go." Erin tried to stop him but he quickly made his exit, slamming the door closed. Erin stood there, stoic and in shock, for a minute wondering what the hell just happened, knowing in her guts that it was something bad.

"I heard the door slammed." Jay called from the opposite side of her condo, leaning on the opening of her bedroom with his boxer already back on. "Figured it was safe to come out. You okay?" He approached her slowly, frowning at the expression she had on her face. "Erin? Hey. Who was that?" he asked, holding her arms.

She snapped out of her thoughts, glancing up at him to meet his worried eyes. "Oh um, it was Justin."

"He alright? What did he want?"

She rubbed her face. "I don't know," she replied honestly. "He was acting strange and I'm worried about him."

He nodded in understanding, rubbing her arms gently. "Anything I can do?"

"No," she shook her head, smiling at him gratefully for offering in the first place. "I don't even know what's going on." She bit her lips, knowing she was about to disappoint him. "I'm sorry Jay but I should call Hank and keep him in the loop. Can we call it a night?" She wrapped her arms around his bare waist. "Take a rain check?"

Despite the look of disappointment that came over his face, he nodded. "Yeah," he conceded, his hands on her hips. "That's fine." She gave him a kiss in appreciation, regretting having to cut their time short. She was having such a good night—one of the best in recent memory—but she knew she wouldn't be able to focus on Jay, not when familial matters were weighing on her mind. He released his hold on her and headed back into the bedroom, Erin following close behind.

After he had rebuttoned his dress shirt—not even bothering to put his suit jacket back on—they stood face to face, almost awkwardly like they didn't know what to do now that he was fully clothed.

"It was…it was fun," she told him.

"Yeah," he agreed, a tight smile on his face, not like the usual grin that she had gotten used to seeing. "We should do it again," he said hesitantly, almost like he was testing the water. She just returned a small nod and an unsure look came across his face, almost like he was wounded by her reply—or more specifically, her lack of reply. But he didn't say anything more, just headed out of her bedroom, ready to leave. She followed him, wanting to reassure him that she didn't regret tonight like she was sure he was thinking.

"Jay," she called out, Jay pausing at the door and turning around to face her. She took a chance, got on her tiptoe and leaned into catch his lips. He quickly responded to her kiss, his hands reaching up to cup her face to bring them closer to each other. She sighed into the kiss. Even though she had meant for it to be a quick kiss—a peck—it seems as though she seemed to lose all semblance of time and place whenever his lips touched hers. But the pressing matter beckoned and she reluctantly pulled away, ending the kiss with a couple of more pecks. "Thank you for understanding."

"Of course."

He turned to leave but she grabbed his hands, stopping him from leaving just yet. "Jay," she intertwined their fingers. "I mean it. I don't regret what happened. It's just….he's like my family you know. I have to take care of this first."

That unsure look that had been stuck in his eyes from the moment she wanted to end the night was slowly replaced by his usual understanding one—the look that made her feel like he understood everything about her. He smiled—her heart unexpectedly lightening at seeing his usual grin return to his face. "I get it," he said, now it was his turn to reassure her. He reached out and held her face. "Just call me if you need anything. I'm here."

And then he was gone, leaving her with a quick kiss and memories of a night she barely could believe actually happened.

* * *

" Hey, I've been calling you all night," she walked alongside Voight, finally finding him in the rollup after all night of calling and texting.

"I was busy," he said gruffly. "Why? What's up?"

"You okay?" she asked, noticing how distracted he looked. He just nodded, gesturing her to just continue with what she was about to say. "Justin came over last night and he was acting strange."

Voight paused in his step, turning to face her. "Acting strange how?"

She leaned in and lowered her voice so they couldn't be overheard. "He had blood on his hands and he was just rambling about getting in a fight or something. And he just ran off. I've been trying to reach him since then but he had his phone turned off. Completely off the grid."

Voight sighed, rubbing his temple. "Yeah, I'll take care of it."

"Hank," she stopped him, grabbing his shoulder. "I'm not telling you so you can take care of it by yourself. I'm telling you so I can help with whatever's going on with Justin."

"Erin," Voight said, his tone leaving no room for discussion. "Just….don't worry about it. Just do your job." With that, he walked off, leaving a frustrated Erin behind, scoffing at how stubborn Voight was.

* * *

"Frank Fitori," Voight wrote on the whiteboard. "He was caught with a couple of .20 round in his chest last night."

"Yeah, Fitori," Antonio piped up. "I remember him. Big hitter from the South side, swims with a lot of big fishes."

"Swam," Jay corrected, shrugging at the look Antonio gave him, holding his hand up.

"Swam," Antonio repeated, sarcastically.

"Alright, me and Halstead will go check out the murder site," Erin volunteered, grabbing her jacket.

"Good idea. Why don't you and _Jay_ go check it out?" Voight added, almost spitting out Jay's name like he was hinting at something. Erin tossed him a confused look, her eyes catching Jay doing the same. But they both held their tongue, both deciding that it was better to remain silent and quickly get out of the bullpen, away from Voight's stare.

* * *

"Did you see that?" Jay questioned now that they were in the safe confines of the 300 and she glanced over at him quickly, taking her eyes off the road for a quick second. "Did you see the way he said my name?"

"Relax Jay," she drawled, amused at his reaction. "It's not like you have 'I banged the boss's daughter' written across your forehead. Just act like nothing's changed and he won't know."

"Easier said than done," Jay retorted. "It's not like you're the one with the target on their back."

She quirked her eyebrows. "You have a target?"

Jay gave her a 'duh' look. "I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not exactly Voight's favorite. Even before he warned me to keep it in my pants." He rolled his eyes, putting airquotes around the phrase.

She scoffed. "It's not like you're his biggest fan either. You know? You two have more in common than you think."

Jay almost looked offended at her remark. "Really?" he asked, sarcastically.

"Yeah smart ass," she shot back. "You two are the most stubborn men I've ever met in my life. Not to mention, both of you think you know best, for everyone. Plus this whole black and white point of views of the world you both have going on."

"Black and white?" Jay scoffed. "I'm pretty sure we're on opposite sides when it comes to that."

"Still. Both of you see the world in this black and white way. You believe in justice and the system and following the rules. No matter how much you want to bend the rules, you won't allow yourself to. Voight? He's the opposite. He believes in justice, whichever way he can get it. His only belief is that justice has to be served—official justice or street justice, either one."

Jay remained quiet, resting his head on the car window. "Maybe," he conceded. "But we're still on the opposite sides of things."

"What does it say about me?" Erin laughed to herself. "Having Voight as a father figure and getting involved with you."

"We're involved now?" he asked, smirking at her flustered reaction. "I thought we were just having fun. Friends with benefits right?"

She rolled her eyes, hand reaching across the console to give him a light smack. "You know what I mean." He was getting way too much amusement at her slip of the tongue. "Keep it up Halstead and there will be no benefits in this partnership pretty soon."

"Not even 24 hours into this relationship and she's already threatening to withhold sex," he muttered to himself under his breath but Erin caught his words. She bit her lips, not really knowing how to respond or react to his use of the word 'relationship'. She had made it clear that she wasn't looking for a relationship with him, not wanting the complications and all the strings that would come with it. Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, similar to her own. But before she can reiterate the terms of the new evolution in their relationship, they had arrived at the murder site. She decided to shelf the conversation for another time.

* * *

She followed Jay out of the car and to the empty marsh. "Where's the dead guy?" she asked the two cops that were still there, not seeing the dead body.

"They already processed the body and took him away already."

Erin sighed. It seemed as though they came all this way for nothing. She glanced around the empty field, spotting a pod a few feet away. "Is that one of ours?" Jay followed her line of sight and nodded, not really impressed. "I bet it has the dump on it."

Jay frowned, creasing his nose. "Those things suck."

"I don't think so," Erin shot back. "Dinner at the Pig? Loser has to buy."

He grinned. "You're on," he accepted. "You know if you just wanted to ask me out on a date and take me to dinner, all you have to do was ask."

She rolled her eyes. "Get your head out of the gutter, Halstead."

"Pretty sure my head's been in there since last night."

She gave him a light smack on his chest. "Alright, just focus on your job, _friend," _If he noticed Erin emphasizing the word 'friend', he didn't show it. Just gave her the same amused smile as he usually did. But Erin still felt the need to make the lines clearer. She knew this change between them was so new and they were in uncharted territory and for some reason, she had an inkling that Jay had never done this whole "no strings attached" thing before. She studied his side profile as they walked back to the car. Clean cut with boyish good looks, certainly looked like he had a good upbringing. Yeah, he seemed like the type that was always in relationships. She just hoped that he wasn't looking for one with her, not right now.

* * *

"I'll call the Pig, make reservation," Jay shouted across the car as they finished securing the number to get the more clear security footage of the crime scene. "It's only fair since you're buying. And just so you know, I'm thinking truffles." She rolled her eyes, laughing at the little smug look on his face. He was a dork, but he always managed to make her smile. It was one of her favorite things about him.

"Alright big guy. Just get in the car so we can get back to work."

She started driving back to the district, all while feeling his eyes on her. "What?" she asked, glancing over at him.

"Big guy huh?" A smug grin came across his face. "I mean, I can't disagree. But nice to know that you approve."

"You're such a loser," Erin retorted, even though she couldn't keep the smile off from her face. "I'd love to see how you'd react if Voight overheard you saying something like that."

The smile immediately wiped off from his face. It was such a sudden change that Erin wanted to laugh. Who knew Jay was that scared of Voight? "Relax Jay, it was just a joke."

"Voight having my ass? Not so funny."

She chuckled. "Who knew you were this afraid of Voight? You scared he's going to bump you down to patrol?"

"No," he denied right away. "I mean I don't want to lose my job but that's not why I don't want Voight to find out about us."

Her curiosity peaked. "Then why?"

He was quiet for a beat before replying "I don't want to be the one that ruins your relationship with him. Not when I know now how important he is to you." She met his eyes and he just shrugged, like what he said wasn't a big deal. She didn't know how to respond, not without getting feelings involved so she just kept quiet, keeping her complete focus on the road despite still feeling his eyes on hers. She couldn't meet his eyes, she was afraid of what she would find in them.

* * *

Erin groaned as she sat back down in her chair, ready to work on the paperworks and just wrap up this hell of a case. It had been a long day and she was completely drained. From Justin's outburst last night to finding out that he was involved with Fitori's murder and running around and making sure that he didn't go down for it, she was completely done. She knew Voight had blurred the lines again, trying to protect Justin, and she knew the tension between the team was growing because of it. Antonio and Voight had been going at each other all day and Jay had been growing more and more irritated at the way Voight handled cases. Meanwhile she, like Adam and Al, had been just trying to keep their head down and go with the flow, not wanting to add more tension to the mix.

"Hey, they found a body in the harbor," Adam announced to the group. "It looks like it's Joe Catalano." Erin glanced over to Antonio who was silent, just processing the information. So Fitori's murderer had been caught and "served justice". But none of them felt good about the case. She didn't even want to brave a glance over at Jay, knowing she would see the disapproval in his eyes. She was spot on correct earlier when she compared him and Voight. Voight would call this case a success, Catalano being served justice for murdering someone, even if that justice had come from the Outfit and not the police. Jay, on the other hand, would have never let that happen in the first place.

Antonio suddenly stood up, grabbing his jacket, and left the bullpen. She knew he was having a hard time processing everything too.

"I'm going to call it a night then," Adam said, sheepishly. It was obvious that Adam was well aware of his status in the food chain—barely out of the Academy and basically lucking into Intelligence—and he obviously didn't want to make waves. "Night guys."

Erin just gave him a small wave in return. She sighed, standing up to walk over to the whiteboard. The case was done so she started removing the pictures from it. She heard Jay's chair being pushed back and soon enough, she felt his body heat next to hers.

"What the hell is going on here?" He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer from her. But she didn't have an answer to give him, not without getting into the whole thing with Voight and his brand of street justice. She was tired and she just wanted to go home.

"Just leave it," she told him. "It's Voight." He narrowed his eyes, looking like he wanted to say something but he held his tongue.

"Alright, so what about dinner?" he asked, leaning on the whiteboard.

"Well, technically I did win so dinner is on you." Jay shook his head, more fondly than annoyed, a small smile on his lips.

"Fine, truffles on me then," Jay replied, pushing himself off from the whiteboard. "Ready to leave?" She didn't move from her spot and he paused, seeing the look of hesitation on her face. "Erin?"

She gave him an apologetic smile. "I don't think I'm up for it tonight." She was just completely toast for the night. Her mind was heavy and her body was weary and while usually hanging out with Jay would be the cure whenever she felt like that before, she knew that if she took him on his offer and found herself sitting across the table from him, they'd have to talk about things she didn't feel like talking about. Not tonight.

His face fell but he was quick to recover, just giving her a small nod. "You tired?"

"Yeah," she just replied. "I just feel like being home tonight. Rain check?" What she really wanted was him and her on her couch, just unwinding from the day. No fancy dinner, no heavy cases and no Voight and the lines he might have crossed with the case hanging between them. Maybe even cap the night off with another round in bed with him, a way to relieve the stress and troubles of the day. But she bit her tongue so she wouldn't actually voice her desire and just watched as he walked away from her, out of the bullpen.

* * *

He didn't know why he was doing this. _Actually, he knew._ He just didn't want to admit it, even to himself. But feelings won over rationality in his head and that was how he found himself outside of her door, despite her rejecting him tonight.

He wasn't stupid. Despite whatever happened between them last night and the way their partnership had changed, she had been pulling away all day. Throwing around words like 'friends' and clearly drawing a line in the sand, making sure he understood that they weren't dating. That despite him finally seeing all of her and kissing every inch of her soft body, nothing had changed between them. They weren't suddenly gonna go out to dinner in dimly lit restaurants or kiss goodbye or good morning when they saw each other. He had gotten that message from her, loud and clear. He should've expected it, really. In the months that he had known her, she had never been the type to be open with her feelings. Hell, it took him months just to find out the true story of her relationship with Voight. He hated to admit it but he felt growing respect toward his Sergeant at what Erin had told him. It was one thing to try to be a good cop on the street but to actually open up your home to a stranger? That was a whole another level and he was having a hard time reconciling that Voight with the Voight he saw daily—the one who treated criminals with zero respect, the one who eagerly took the laws into his own hands, the one who was willing to do anything to get answers. He finally got a glimpse of why Erin was so loyal to the guy, why she felt like he could do no wrong, why she was willing to look the other way when it came to Voight. Jay didn't like it or agreed with it, but he understood it.

But that wasn't his focus tonight. That wasn't why he was carrying a bag of takeout, standing outside her door. He just wanted to see her, eat fast food and just be around her. Maybe she was right when she teased him last night when she called him 'clingy'. He was certainly starting to feel like it. But he liked her, it was simple. He had liked her since he met her. She was more than just a pretty face and a clever mouth. She was spunky, strong and one of the toughest people he had ever known. She had this uncanny ability to turn his world upside down with just her presence and he wasn't sure if he could handle it. All he knew was that he didn't want to lose it—lose her. Not when he finally had her in a way that he could only dreamed about before. He wasn't going to ruin this. If she wanted no strings attached then he could do that.

He knocked on the door, waiting for her to answer. Just a couple of seconds later, she opened the door. She was the complete opposite from last night—in the place of a tight black dress and fancy make up, she was in a large shirt and shorts, face completely scrubbed clean of makeup—and he still felt his breath being taken away. She was beautiful, no matter what she was wearing.

"Jay, what are you doing here?" She didn't sound mad or annoyed, just completely baffled by his appearance at her door. He replied by just holding up the bag filled with food. "Dinner." She finally noticed and stepped aside to let him in. He followed her to the couch, placing the food on the coffee table.

"You might not be up to going out for dinner but I figured you were still hungry," he said, taking off his jacket and taking his usual seat on the couch. It was funny that he had been over to her place so many times before that he had a place he deemed his on the couch but there had never been this much tension in the air before. They were both acting sheepish, like they were strangers just meeting each other for the first time on a blind date.

"This is crazy," Erin finally commented, shifting her body to face him. "We're acting completely crazy."

He let out a huff, agreeing with her. "Tell me about it."

"Nothing's changed…much," she added. "We can be like we were before. This is just like any other time you came over for dinner and hung out." He shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

"Totally," he replied. "We're still the same us. We can sit together and eat and watch the game. And if the night just happen to end in sex then we'll call that dessert." She rolled her eyes, chuckling fondly at his remark. He laughed along with her, happy that the tension in the room seemed to have ease a bit. Then their eyes met and he held her gaze.

Suddenly the air in the room shifted and the tension that was there before became charged again—only this time it was sexual tension. He saw her bite her lips and his mouth dried at the action and he gulped. He watched as a glint came over in her eyes—loving how she had the ability to go from shy to completely sexy and seductive in a second—and she lifted herself and straddled him on the couch.

She ran her finger down his throat slowly, his Adam's apple bobbing at her action. She leaned in until their faces were just inches apart. "Why do you say we skip dinner tonight and go straight to dessert?" She was looking with a hunger in her eyes, one that made his stomach twist in anticipation and excitement. She was a minx, his sexy minx and he really stood no chance against her.

His throat was dried and he needed air. So he just titled his head up to capture her lips and breathed her in like she was his oxygen. She grinned against his mouth, like she just knew she had him in the palms of her hands. He buried his fingers in her hair and brought their faces closer to each other and their lips continued moving in perfect sync. Then she made the most seductive sound—a throaty moan—and all the blood rushed to his groin. He needed her now so he gripped her back and flipped them so she was laying on the couch now and he was hovering over her. She was looking perfectly delectable, her heavy breathing and pink lips practically beckoning him to her. He bent down to connect their lips again, her arms automatically wrapping around his neck until he was on her completely.

"Best. dessert. ever," he kissed into the sweet skin, ready to completely give into her pull until he fell apart under her touch.


	3. Just want you close

Chapter 3

Jay groaned, hearing the buzz of his phone a few feet away. He was already so comfortable and warm and the last thing he wanted to do was move any part of his body right now.

_Correction: _the last thing he wanted to do was wake Erin up.

Because right now she was nestled perfectly in his arms, her back to his chest and all he could smell was the sweet scent of her hair. She was soft and she smelled nice and he didn't want her to move. Plus there was the whole Erin being kinda scary when being woken up suddenly. Okay, _a lot _scary. So he did the smart thing and turned his body to pick up his phone on her nightstand and quickly silenced it. The bright screen caused him to squint, Jay grimacing at the sensory assault to his vision.

_Yeah sure man, I'll track Lonnie Rodiger's credit card but man, I'm going to be in so much shit if Voight finds out that I'm doing this for you.-Jin_

Jay clucked his tongue silently, both appreciative that Jin was willing to go off the books to do his biddings and frustrated that he'd even have to do this in the first place because someone as sick as Lonnie Rodiger shouldn't be a free man. He knew Lonnie was back to his old ways. The guy was sick and he needed to be in prison. Jay would prefer it if the key to his prison cell would be tossed in the Atlantic Ocean.

His thoughts on killing Lonnie in a thousand different ways was disturbed when Erin began to stir slowly. Jay shook his head fondly, knowing that she was already getting cold because he moved away to check his phone for not even a minute. But he didn't want her to wake up yet considering he had pretty much exhausted her last night—_okay, they exhausted each other—_and she needed all the rest she could get. He didn't want to spend a whole day in the 300 with a cranky Erin. So he turned back to wrap his arm around her stomach again and pulled her closer to him, landing a kiss on the back of her head. She let out a small content moan and shuffled her body a little before nestling further against him and settled back into a deep sleep. He smirked at her action and shook his head, thinking back to how far they'd have come in the past three weeks since they'd started this thing between them. Erin had been hesitant about them sleeping over at each other's places in the beginning but one night she took him by surprise when she stopped him from getting dressed in the middle of the night and asked him to stay. She tried to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, stating that she didn't want him driving when he was tired and claimed that she was trying to save his life. So he just let her be, knowing her need to make it a big deal. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to refuse her invitation to remain in her bed. Soon enough, one night of sleeping over turned into two then three and he swore, he had spent more nights in her bed these past couple of weeks than in his own and now she was the one seeking him out in the middle of the night. And all Jay could think about now was how he could get used to this—_how he'd already gotten used to this._

* * *

"Who kept texting you in the middle of the night?" Erin glanced over at him from where she stood, pouring herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. He looked up from his own cup at her, giving her a confused look, not wanting to let her know what he and Jin had been texting about. It was something he didn't want to drag her into. But the scoff that came out of her made it obvious that she wasn't buying his act. "You know, if it's another girl you can tell me," she said, walking over to him and taking the seat next to him at her dining table. "It's not like we're exclusive or anything so you can have other booty calls."

He rolled his eyes at her, annoyance building at her constantly reminding him that what they had wasn't exclusive or serious. That they were just fucking. He didn't need to be reminded of that every five minutes. "Booty call?" he spat, his face grimacing. "What are you? A rapper from 2009? Who even call it booty calls nowadays?" She shot him a glare, indicating with a look that she wanted an answer to her question. "And no, it wasn't a 'booty call' like you put it," he replied, putting an air quote around the term. "it was just something else."

"What is it?" He remained quiet, breaking eye contact and he could tell by her eyes that not only was she becoming more curious but she was getting concerned. She reached over to where his hand was resting on the table and squeezed it. "Jay, it's me. You can tell me." He looked down at their joined hands, trying not to read too much into the gesture. To her, it was probably nothing. Just a simple gesture to show her support and her concern but to him, it was something more. Despite not wanting to, he couldn't help himself but think that they could be something more—something real—if she would just give them a real chance. Sure, there was the whole Voight basically banning them from dating thing but it was a bridge that they could cross together knowing that they were worth it. But he knew Erin didn't see things like that and he didn't want to push her too far, especially when it came to her relationship with Voight.

"Really Erin," he gave her a grin, hoping that she'd drop the subject. "It was nothing." He didn't want to bring Erin into something this messy. Besides he was doing this behind everyone's back, off the books and if things went south, he didn't want Erin anywhere near this. She studied him for a couple more minutes, clearly not believing him but she didn't say anything, just moved her hand away and nodded. Tension took over the room but he knew it was for the best. It was safer for her this way.

* * *

Jay watched Lonnie came out of the toy store, carrying a bag and it took everything in him to not get out of his car and confront Lonnie. He knew Lonnie was up to something, something sinister like he had already scoped out his next victim and was ready to strike again, judging by the toy he just bought. But Jay wouldn't give him the chance to do any damage this time, not if he had anything to say about this. He'd kill Lonnie before the sick bastard could lay a finger on another innocent boy.

"Yeah?" he answered his ringing phone, Voight demanding his location on the other end. "I was just about to come in." He pulled the phone away from his ear to quiet down Voight's barks. "Yeah, okay." He hung up and watched as Lonnie drove away in his car before Jay made his way to the location Voight instructed him to be at.

* * *

"Jay!" He turned around at Erin calling his name, crossing his arms and waited for her to catch up. They were about to go back to Chinatown and tail Voight's old partner, Jimmy to see if he and his team were dirty, robbing and killing gambling places. Jay wondered to himself just how Voight seemed to be know every questionable cops on the job like if it was such a coincidence that he seemed to have his hands in everything. There were days Jay wondered what the hell he was doing in Intelligence—mostly when Voight had gone off the script yet again with a case—and he couldn't be sure if the dividing line between the good guys and the bad were all the clear under Voight.

"What's up?" He watched as Erin walked over to him, hands in her coat as usual.

"Voight wants me to ride with him so you're going to be on your own today," she informed him, her face blank. He frowned, watching her. She had been acting strange all day since their conversation at breakfast like she was keeping her distance. And now this sudden change of her riding with Voight instead of him? He knew something was on her mind. She tossed him a tight smile and was about to walk away but he stopped her, grabbing her arms. "What?"

"Are you okay?" She let out an empty laugh and nodded, looking more like she wasn't taking his question or concern seriously. He didn't believe her answer for a second but he knew Erin. She wasn't going to reveal anything if she didn't want to. "So are we still on for tonight? Your place?" Jay bent his head down, giving her a grin hoping that it would cheer her up from whatever funk she was in.

"I can't tonight," she answered, pulling her head away so there was more distance between the two. Jay's grin dropped at her action, disappointed at her answer. He had gotten used to spending the night at her place, ordering take-out and watching whatever game that was playing that night before they indulged in each other for the night. They had gotten themselves into a nice little routine and things were going well. Maybe _too well. _Guess he shouldn't have been that surprised that Erin was pulling away.

"Got it," he told her flatly. "Got a date?" She just replied with one of her patented '_you got to be kidding me' _look and he put up his hands, conceding. "Got it," he repeated, shrugging. "Have fun." He just shook his head to himself, about to walk away but was stopped by Erin's grip on his arm.

"It's not like…" she started but paused, stopping herself. Jay just raised his brow at her, wondering what she wanted to say. "It's not a date," she clarified, a weight that he didn't even know was there lifting off of Jay's chest at those words. "It's just, you remember Nadia right?" He frowned, trying to think. "She's the chick that kicked Ruzek in the balls a while ago?" A light bulb went off in his head at the funny encounter, a small laugh coming out of him recalling the image of Ruzek icing his balls. "She called me and asked me for help to get her into rehab. I'm um…I'm letting her stay at my place for the night until I can get a bed for her at a center tomorrow so since she's going to be there, you can't come over tonight. And I'm going help her get ready to go in."

He nodded as he listened to her plans for the night, knowing that he was falling even more for this amazingly compassionate woman. She was amazing."You're amazing you know that?" he told her earnestly, fighting the urge to reach out and brush the fallen strand of hair that found residence on her forehead away.

His sincere compliment brought the dimples out on her face. "Most days," She winked as she left, leaving him stare at her retreating back in awe.

* * *

The day had quickly gone from tailing Jimmy and his crew to a sting operation, trying to nail the unknown crew that was listening in on the police radio and hitting up stash houses. But Jay lived for days like this, where adrenaline pumped through his veins like blood and bullets flew through the air faster than speed of light. It was what he signed up for when he came to Intelligence. He was still riding the adrenaline high when he retreated to the locker room, wanting to change into a new shirt that wasn't soaked with his sweat and that screamed he was just involved in a firefight. He was the sole presence in the locker room, just like he preferred, and he took off his shirt and dabbed his chest with a towel he kept to get rid of any last remnants of sweat and tossed the dirty towel back in his locker. He reached for a new shirt that hung in his locker and was about put it on when he was suddenly attacked.

He didn't have even a second to get his bearings before all of his senses were filled with Erin. Apparently she was feeling the adrenaline from the day too but her method of dealing with the rush was to apparently jump him in the locker room. She jumped on him, Jay quickly holding her so she didn't fall to the ground, and she pushed him until his back slammed into the locker, the sound reverberating against the empty room. The thought of someone hearing the sound didn't even cross their mind, both of them too consumed with each other to care. Jay brought one hand up to steady her head so he can deepened the kiss while the other remained on her ass, lifting her up as she straddled him. She broke the kiss but her lips quickly found home on his neck, her fingers splaying against his bare chest while her other hand held on to his neck for dear life.

"Need you now," she breathed out between kisses, her hand reaching down to cup him through his pants. He flipped them around so now she was the one against the locker and he sucked the patch of skin on her neck then her collarbone. She pushed him away slightly and quickly took her shirt off, leaving her in her black bra. Jay's eyes glazed over, his mouth quickly finding its way to the slopes of her breasts, Erin moaning at the sensation. He was getting so hard, his jeans tightening even more as she pressed up against him. He needed her just as much. They both knew it needed to be quick, not only because of where they were at but also because they both needed the release and they needed it to be hard and fast. So Jay dropped Erin down to her feet for a quick second, giving him just enough space to pull his pants and boxer down to his knees, Erin following suit and tugging her own jeans and underwear down. Then he lifted her back up and entered her in a swift motion just as her legs wrapped around him again.

Her back slammed against the locker again and he began to move, his hips snapping up, each motion sending waves of pleasure through him. Erin gripped his shoulder tighter, her fingers digging into his flesh as he slammed in her again and again. She was a sight to be seen as she snapped her head back against the locker, lips parted like they were ready to release his favorite sound. He quickly crushed their lips together to swallow her moans—lest they don't give themselves and their current activity away. He felt the familiar feeling of fire pooling in his abdomen and knew his climax was near, each snap of his hips becoming more and more out of rhythm. He didn't want to come just yet, not before Erin did so he reached down and rubbed her clit to bring her to the edge faster and Erin dropped her head down, biting his shoulder at the new addition. And soon enough she was writhing in his arms as her body began to quiver and she came, burying her head in his neck to drown out the sound. She wound her arms around his neck tighter, leaving breathless gasps in the crevice of his neck before biting on the shell of his ear. That was all he needed to chase his own climax and he fastened his pace, his cock slamming into her before his hips stilled and waves of pleasure coursed through his body as he came, resting his head on her shoulder while his chest heaved with satisfying exhaustion. She stayed in his arms, legs still wrapped around him and Jay still inside her, and Erin brought his head up to meet him in a kiss, messy and tired but happy all the same.

* * *

Jay put a new shirt on, glancing over to see Erin tugging her jeans back on, still in her bra. She felt his gaze on her and looked up, giving him a smirk. She just looked so sexy right then, half naked and hair messed up, evidence of their quickie written all over her. He couldn't help himself but stepped closer to her and wound an arm around her waist and tugged her to his chest, dropping a kiss on her lips. "That was great," he told her, Erin nodding to agree with him before meeting him for another kiss.

They stilled, both looking at each other with fear, when they heard the sounds of incoming footsteps. Erin pushed herself away from Jay so she could find her shirt and put it back on as fast as she could while Jay zipped himself up. Erin ran her fingers through her hairs a couple of time, trying to look as decent as she could before the intruder could reach them.

"Hey!" They heard Adam's loud voice before they saw him, both of them trying to look normal as possible, Erin pretending to look in her locker while Jay was sitting on the bench. Both of their hearts were racing as they waited to see if Adam would notice anything off. They were lucky that Adam was pretty much clueless and he was too busy rambling, griping about having to spend the day in patrol instead of being in Intelligence. Jay shot Erin a look, a small roll of the eyes at Adam behind his back and she smirked, meeting his gaze. "Anyways, that's enough of me complaining. I'll see you guys at Molly's?" Adam finally finished his one man rant that neither of them were really paying attention to and was now waiting for their answer with an expectant look on his face.

"Um," they both started, looking at each other. Truthfully, the last thing Jay wanted to do was spend the night at Molly's. Even though Nadia was staying over at Erin's place, Jay was hoping that he could somehow entice Erin to come over later after she was done with Nadia and spend the night over at his place so they could have a repeat performance of what just happened. Adam saw the rejection before it made its way out of their mouth and he preempted the upcoming 'no' with a shake of his head.

"No!" Adam shook his head, waving his hand. "You guys can't say no again. Come on," he practically whined. "When was the last time both of you actually came out to Molly's with us? Last month?" Jay and Erin shared another look, knowing that they had been slacking off on hanging out the team ever since their whole arrangement started. It wasn't as though they didn't want to go out to Molly's with their team members, it was just that they have found new and better way to spend the night—with each other. "What? Are you two too cool for us now? Or.." A knowing look made its way into Adam's eyes, like he had just discovered a secret. "You guys got a hot date huh?"

Jay's breath stilled at Adam's question, his eyes widening slightly. "What?" Jay scoffed. "A hot date? With her?" he made a 'pssh' sound like the idea of him and Erin was just that ridiculous. Erin shot him a glare, crossing her arms like she was insulted by his reaction. He'd make it up to her later, Jay thought to himself, because right now the important thing was to get Ruzek off their trail.

"What? Of course not!" Adam quickly replied, like he agreed with him that the notion of Jay and Erin was ridiculous. "I know you don't want to get your balls ripped out by Voight, Halstead," Adam teased. "I meant with other people. You guys got new boyfriend and girlfriend right?"

"No," they both answered at the same time.

"Oh come on. What other reason do you guys have for blowing us off for the last month?" Adam rubbed his hands together. "If you guys are really telling the truth then come out tonight. Otherwise I'm telling everyone that both of you are dating someone and you know how nosy everyone is and you know we won't stop until we find out who you are dating."

Jay rolled his eyes at Adam's threat. "Fine, I'll come out tonight," Jay gave in. It wasn't as though he was scared of Adam's threat but Jay didn't need anyone being nosy and sniffing around his business, trying to see if he really did have a new girlfriend.

Adam pumped his fist. "Alright, that's one down. Now your turn Erin," he turned to her. "Tell me you're coming too."

"I really can't," Erin replied, patting Adam's shoulders as she made to leave the locker room. "Maybe another night."

"Fine," Adam said, giving in. "Guess me and O will just have to find out who this new guy you're seeing is."

Erin turned back at that, pointing her finger and staring Adam down. "I swear to god Ruzek. If you try to get in my business, your wedding night won't be very pleasant." Adam's eyes bulged at her threat, gulping. Jay tried not to chuckle at his reaction but he couldn't blame Adam, knowing just how scary Erin could really be.

* * *

It was almost ridiculous, Jay thought, how he missed Erin. Here he was at Molly's—surrounded by friends and booze—and yet he couldn't stop wishing that she was here too, sitting across from him and flashing him her dimples. He was really feeling like a lovesick fool, knowing that she wasn't even his girlfriend yet he was missing her because it was the first night he had spent away from her in weeks. He needed to snap himself out of it, lest she found out how he was feeling and ran for the hills to get away from him.

"You okay man?" Antonio asked as he placed a shot glass in front of Jay. Jay nodded, giving his friend a small smile. "Nothing whiskey can't solve right?" Antonio held up the glass and Jay agreed, clinking their glasses together before knocking the shot of alcohol back, grimacing slightly at the taste.

"Here comes the big man," Olinsky announced as Adam arrived. "I heard that Secret Service is looking for new agents and I recommended you, seeing as you have the sunglasses already required for the job." Jay laughed at Olinsky ribbing Adam, mostly because Adam needed the humbling.

"Alright man," Adam responded, taking the teasing good naturedly. "Whatever you think is best man."

Jay gave an impressed look at the change in Adam, apparently spending the day out in patrol had brought Adam back down to earth. Olinsky seemed to think as much as he and Adam exchanged words with each other, Jay tuning them out to return his thoughts back to his partner. Right now, she was back in her own place, doing something amazing for someone that needed her help, and here he was, being selfish and wanting her by his side. He needed another drink and before he could offer to get the next rounds, the person that he'd been wanting to see all night appeared, squeezing her tiny body around Adam to take her seat across from him. He was surprised to her, wondering what happened to her plans of helping Nadia. She looked frustrated and tired, like her night had taken a sour turn.

"You okay?" he asked her, catching her eyes from across the table. He didn't know how much everyone else at the table knew about what she was doing tonight so he didn't want to ask her any specific questions, not until they were alone.

"Ask me that after I had a drink," she stated, picking up a glass of whiskey from the table. They all followed suit and picked up their own, holding the glasses up for a toast.

"First rule of a gunfight—bring a gun," Antonio began, Erin chuckling at him. "Second rule—bring friends with guns. Here's to having friends in Chicago." They all toasted to that, Jay keeping his eyes on Erin as she easily drank the liquor, licking her lips at the taste. She caught his eyes, noticing the look of concern in them, and she gave him a small smile, trying to let him know that she was okay.

"I'll get the next round," Adam announced, heading to the bar.

Soon enough, they all had gotten a round of each and all of them were pleasantly buzzed, the stress from the day relieving more and more with each shot. Erin was laughing heartily at some story Adam was regaling them with, a tale from his Academy days as he put it as if he hadn't just gotten out of the Academy a few months ago. But Jay liked seeing the laugh on her, Erin loosening herself, so he just restricted himself to just a couple of eye rolls at Adam's outlandish—_and probably fake_, Jay thought—story.

"That didn't really happen," Antonio asserted, looking around the table. "Oh come on, you guys don't buy the story right?"

"Hey!" Adam protested indignantly. "It did too happen." Antonio continued looking around the table for back up, his eyes landing on Jay. But Jay just shrugged, earning a look of mock betrayal from Antonio.

"Sorry man," Jay offered. "I can totally see Ruzek doing something that stupid." Really, the only reason he backed Adam up was because he didn't want Adam to stop, seeing how much Erin was enjoying his story and Jay wanted her to continue laughing and enjoy herself.

"O?" Antonio turned to Olinksy now, holding his palms out.

"I would but you're talking to the guy that saw him shout at a suicidal guy that he was going to shoot him during a training so," Olinsky shrugged, "I've learned to believe anything's possible when it comes to this guy."

Antonio dropped his hand, blowing a raspberry with his mouth. Adam tossed him a smug grin. "In my defense, the goal was to get the gun out of his hand. They didn't say how you had to do it." Erin snickered, shaking her head.

"Alright, I guess now it's my turn to get the next round," she stood up, patting Antonio's shoulders before making her way to the bar to get more drinks for everyone. Jay's eyes followed her back as she leaned on the bar, waiting for the bartender to take her orders.

"Okay," Adam continued. "O, now it's your turn. You completed the Academy in what 1940's? How was it back then? Did they even have electricity back then? Or patrol cars? Or did you guys just chase bad guys on your horse buggy?"

Jay felt the conversation around him drowned out as his eyes got caught on the scene at the bar. His eyes narrowed as he saw Kelly Severide approached Erin and started making conversation with her, leaning in closer than necessary even in a crowded bar. He tried not to feel jealous, especially when Erin seemed to be receptive of the attention and was actually flirting back, her hand reaching over to lightly smack Severide's chest, because what right did he have to feel jealous? Erin wasn't his girlfriend. They weren't even together so she could flirt with any guy she wanted, even annoying, womanizing firefighters like Kelly Severide. Jay's grip on his beer tightened, willing everything in his body to not just get out and go over to them and claim Erin as his, but he just clenched his jaw, knowing that he wouldn't—_that he couldn't. _

He felt Antonio's eyes on him, the older man studying him and the fist that he had around his drink before darting his eyes back over to Erin and Severide at the bar. Jay chided himself, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from Erin so Antonio wouldn't catch on even more. Antonio was a great detective and he didn't need a lot of clues to find out what Jay was thinking. So Jay just took a sip of his beer, trying to quell the burning feeling in his chest down and drown out the voice in his head that was shouting at him that Erin wasn't his and that she didn't want him like that.

"Here you go!" Erin's cheerful voice returned, placing the drinks on the table. She looked across the table as she handed him his drink, her eyes slightly narrowing after seeing his face. So Jay just tried to school his expression so she wouldn't see the clear jealousy and hurt that he was feeling. He didn't know how successful his attempt was, considering how she slightly faltered for a second before acting like nothing was wrong. Jay just took another shot, letting the burn of the alcohol go down his chest. Better that burn than the burn of jealously.

* * *

"Alright, I'm going to call it a night," Jay told the group shortly after. He didn't feel like staying any longer and pretending that he was fine. He wanted to just crash and go to sleep. Jay's eyebrows rose when he saw Erin standing up too and grabbing her coat.

"Me too guys," she told the group as she put on her jacket. "Come on, Halstead. Walk me out." Before Jay even knew what was going on, Erin was already pulling him out of the bar by his arms. The last thing he noticed before he was practically dragged out of the bar by Erin was Antonio's inquisitive looks sent his and Erin's way.

"Let me just call an uber. We've had way too many drinks tonight," he took out his phone and ordered a ride. Erin shrugged, putting her hands in her coat to keep warm as they waited by the curb for the car to arrive. It was a funny scene, both of them standing side by side but not touching at all, a complete contrast to other couples around them that were arms in arms or some that were even making out on the street. But when the car they ordered arrived and they were both inside, it was the complete opposite. Erin was waiting for him, scooting over to him and she brought his arms around her, sighing contently as she rested her head on his shoulder. He grinned at Erin showing a rare side to her where she was the one that was clingy and he laid a kiss on the top of her head.

He was about to drift off, feeling far too comfortable with Erin in his arms as the car made its way through the streets of Chicago to Erin's place but her voice brought him back to consciousness. "Huh?" he whispered into her hair, having missed what she had asked him.

"I said, are you okay?" He frowned at her question.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Erin didn't reply right away, like she was choosing her words. He nudged her by pulling her closer, wondering what she had on her mind.

"I don't know," she shrugged, "you were just acting kinda weird after I got everyone a drink." Jay sighed, the image of Erin flirting with Severide returning to his head. But he kept that thought to himself, not wanting to cross the boundaries that Erin had clearly drawn between them. He wasn't supposed to be feeling this way, they were just casual sex buddies, friends with benefits, so he just needed to swallow that bitter feeling of seeing her with another guy tonight.

"I'm fine." He lied, not wanting to bother her with his feelings. She already had enough on her plates, considering she was supposed to be with Nadia tonight instead of coming out to Molly's. He didn't want to add on more.

"Oh."

He was confounded by her quiet reply, like she was expecting him to say something else. "I just...I don't know. I thought you were jealous or something that I was talking with Severide." Her voice was quiet as she spoke, like she was embarrassed by thinking that he was jealous. "I guess not." Jay licked his lips, debating if he should be honest and tell her the truth. "Silly me." Erin sounded like she thought she was stupid for thinking that he was jealous and he didn't like the sound of that. After all, she did hit the nail on the head—he was jealous.

"No, you're not. I was," he admitted. "I was jealous when I saw you with Severide."

"Oh."

Jay didn't know how to decipher her short reply, didn't know whether she was mad or happy that he admitted that he didn't like seeing her flirting with another guy. He was half expecting a speech from her, if he was honest, about how they weren't in a relationship and that she was free to talk to any guy she wanted to.

"You shouldn't be jealous." Jay closed his eyes, knowing the speech was coming and bracing himself for it, knowing that it would hurt to hear Erin dismiss this thing between them like it was nothing, just a way for her to pass the time and relieve the stress of the job.

"Yeah I know," he mumbled. "I know I'm not your boyfriend and we're not really together." He thought if perhaps if he did the preemptive strike and said what she was about to say, it would hurt less. He was already expecting Erin to pull away from him and return to her side of the car, putting distance between them. Instead she tilted her head up and caught his lips in a kiss, taking him by surprise. He looked down at her, questioning with his eyes what the kiss was for.

"No," she started to explain. "I meant you don't have to be jealous of Severide. It's Kelly," she said with a roll of her eyes. "He'll hit on anyone with breasts that move. It was just harmless flirting." Jay begged to differ, recalling the way Severide was looking at Erin earlier but he kept quiet, not wanting to argue with her. "Besides you're the one that's taking me home tonight."

He regarded her with surprise at her invitation. He was planning on just dropping her off, thinking Nadia was inside at her place. "What about Nadia?"

"I don't know," Erin replied. "She ran off, told me she wasn't ready to get help." The sadness was palpable in her voice and Jay reached over to tilt her head up to kiss her, tucking her hair behind her ear as he gazed down at her. He didn't her to say anything to know that she was feeling down, the sadness in her eyes was clear now that it was just the two of them and she didn't need to put on an act in front of the rest of the team. She was probably feeling like she failed Nadia and Jay knew just how deep Erin's empathy ran and how hard she could be on herself.

"She'll come back when she's ready." She nodded, giving him a small smile as he bent his head down to peck her nose. "Come on," he offered her his hand as they arrived at her place and they exited the car and headed to her place.

* * *

Erin opened the door and dropped her key in the bowl by the door. She brought a hand up to her neck, massaging it. It was clear that she was exhausted and she needed sleep. Jay took the coat from her and hung it up and followed her further into her living room, Erin dropping herself down on the couch with a thud. He chuckled, going over to the kitchen to bring her a glass of water, knowing that she tend to get thirsty after drinking.

"Thanks." She took the glass from him and sent him a grateful look as he sat down next to her, bringing an arm around her shoulder. She drank the whole glass of water quickly and placed the glass on the coffee table. Then she turned to face him and leaned in for a kiss. Jay cupped her face as their lips moved in a perfect sync, his thumb rubbing her jaw. Then Erin pulled away suddenly and she turned her face to let out a huge yawn, killing the mood. Jay laughed at the sudden noise while Erin just looked apologetic.

"I guess I'm that good of a kisser," Jay teased.

"I'm sorry Jay," Erin said, resting her head on his shoulder. "I know I invited you in but…"

"Hey," he cut her off, not needing an apology from her. He didn't need sex to be here with her. He just wanted to be with her. "You don't need to say sorry." He kissed her dimples that appeared when she smiled at his reassurance. "You should get some sleep. You're exhausted."

Erin hummed an agreement, taking Jay's offered hand to stand up and head to the bedroom. "Oh shoot," she paused. "Nadia slept in my bed and I haven't changed the sheets yet." She groaned, almost whining. "I'm too tired!"

He chuckled fondly at the childish display from Erin. "Alright, just wait here and I'll change the sheets for you." Erin peeked an eye open to look at him.

"Really?"

"Of course," he gave her a peck before standing up, heading to the bedroom to change her sheets for her. "New sheets are in your closet right?" Erin nodded. "Okay, I'll be back."

A couple of minutes later and one change of fresh sheets on the bed, Jay made his way back to the living room, ready to tell Erin that her bed was ready. He paused in his steps when he saw her already passed out on the couch, her head lolling back and she was already releasing soft snores. He chuckled to himself, knowing that Erin would deny until her face was blue that she _did not _snore, and he made his way over to her. He crouched down to get a closer look at her, tucking her hairs away and he shook her gently. "Erin," he called softly, "your bed is ready."

She moaned, wrinkling her nose, at being woken up and her eyes remained closed. "Come on," Jay tried again, knowing that she would be feeling the pain in her neck and back tomorrow if she remained sleeping on the couch instead of her comfy bed. Erin finally opened her eyes when he shook her gently, pouting at being woken up.

She mumbled under her breath, her sleepy words incoherent to his ears but Jay finding her murmured griping adorable all the same. She sighed and opened her arms. "Carry me?" she asked, pouting. Jay rolled his eyes, unable to resist her request, and he brought one hand under her knee and another around her back and lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom. He placed her gently on the bed and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Where are you going?" Erin asked sleepily after seeing him walk away to get to the other side of the bed. But she had mistaken the move as him leaving her for the night. "Don't leave," she told him, patting the empty space next to her on the bed. Jay chuckled, knowing that she was only being this clingy because she was half asleep. He joined her on the bed and Erin immediately sought of his body, curling up next to him and wrapping an arm around his waist. When she found her comfortable spot, her head on his chest and arm around him, she sighed contently.

"Good night," he whispered into her hair, laying a soft kiss on the soft strands. Erin murmured something along the same lines back, Jay smiling down at her.

She continued to mumble a few more incoherent words before finishing off with, "you're a great househusband." Jay grinned, hearing her words clearly. The last thing he thought before he followed her into a deep sleep was that even though he was just her _househusband_ for now, he hoped that soon he would be her _boyfriend_ also.

* * *

They were both deep asleep, arms and legs around each other, when both of their phones went off at the same time. Erin groaned, cursing whoever that had interrupted her peaceful sleep. Jay let out his own annoyed grunt, hands reaching out behind him to find his phone and silence it and hope whoever that had disturbed them wasn't calling to say that they had caught a case. Because the last thing he wanted to do was pull himself away from the comfortable spot and venture out into the cold Chicago night.

"I hope it's not work," Erin griped as she reached for her own phone and brought it closer to check. "What the?" Erin was suddenly sounding more alert and she sat up on the bed, leaving Jay to wonder what the hell the message was about. He looked at his own phone and followed suit, sitting up immediately and feeling 100% more awake.

"Voight got arrested?!" He looked over at Erin, wondering just what the hell Voight had done this time.


	4. Just a fool

Chapter 4

He felt a fluttering of kisses on his face, gentle and fleeting like a kaleidoscope of butterflies. Even though he was just resurfacing to consciousness, his face split into a contented smile. Judging by the fleeting kisses and the sweet scent that wafted from his side, he just knew that he wasn't in his tan colored sheets but was cocooned in Erin's far more comfortable and color coordinated cerulean sheets. He let Erin continue her actions for a few more minutes, far too content and happy to move or give any indication to her that he was awake.

There was just something about mornings— the time of the day where dew drops would condense on her windows and the dawn gave way to twilight and the sun not yet risen— that got Erin letting her walls down enough for him to see this side of her. He'd imagined this was how Erin _the girlfriend_ would be— soft, clingy and affectionate. Not that he didn't enjoy Erin _the partner, the friend, the sex buddy_ but there was just something about seeing this part of Erin that just did something to him. Probably because he had an inkling that not a lot of people got to see her like this and he was one of the lucky few that was fortunate enough to get a glimpse.

When her lips dropped to his and her legs wound around his torso, he knew he could no longer feign sleep. Not when there was a part of his body that was definitely up. She chuckled when she felt his morning wood pressed up against her and she deepened the kiss, knowing now that he was fully up— quite literally. He reached for her and scooped her up so she was on top of him, his palms finding home underneath her shirt on top of the smooth skin.

"Morning." Her voice sounded even more raspy in the morning, driving even more blood to his groin. He loved hearing her voice first thing in the morning. He brought his hand to her neck to reconnect their lips together, his own version of the morning greeting. Soon the soft kisses turned more heated and demanding. They quickly discarded whatever remaining clothes they managed to put on last night so they could reconnect their lips and their bodies in all the ways they fitted together. And when Erin sank down on him, letting out a moan in his ears as she laid her head on his shoulder, he nearly came undone. Then it was a frenzy rush, both of their grunts and moans mixing together as they made love. Because there was no way Jay could categorized this as just fucking, not anymore. Not when he had Erin so many times already yet still felt like he could never get enough, not when her body just fitted so perfectly with his, and not when seeing her face as she came always managed to push him over the brink, _always. _

Her head remained in the crook of his neck as they came down from the high, both of them panting. His fingers trailed her back, up and down and he turned his head to laid a kiss on her forehead, smiling when he saw the thin sheen of sweat— evidence of their morning workout.

"Now that's a good morning," she murmured into his neck, goosebumps forming on his arms from the sensation. He could only smile and nod, unable to form words just yet. She lifted herself onto her elbow so she could get a look at his face and hold his gaze. He fought his exhausted body to reach up and stroke her face, the true definition of perfection in his mind.

"You're beautiful, you know." She gave him a look, like she was surprised that someone thought of her as such and it struck his heart. "You are," he repeated, wanting her to believe it.

"Okay you sweet talker. You're already in my bed. No need for the sweet words," she said, trying to brush it off but he wouldn't let her. She was beautiful and she deserved to know it— to believe it. He kept his hand on her face, bringing it down slightly so he had her whole focus.

"I mean it," he said with absolute conviction. "You're the most beautiful person I know."

She let out a soft laugh. "Then you need to get to know more people."

He rolled his eyes slightly, knowing Erin and her tendencies to brush off compliments. So he just let her be, knowing that it was just how she was. Maybe one day he'd break through all of her walls, maybe one day she'd let him but he knew today wasn't the day. She shifted so she was lying next to him, her head on his arm and she turned to face him and placed her palm on his chest. He brought her closer to him so he could lay another kiss on her forehead and rested his lips there. Opportunities to get close to Erin like this were rare so he knew he couldn't take them for granted. But soon he found himself drifting back into sleep, taking advantage of the couple of hours they had before they had to go into work.

A couple of hours later, he found himself sitting on a bar stool in her kitchen as she busied herself making breakfast for them. Now that they were out of bed and out of the haze of morning intimacy, he eyed her carefully, wondering how she was doing about Voight getting pinched last night. But Erin, as usual, wasn't one to wear her heart on her sleeve and her face didn't reveal any indication of what was going on in her head about Voight.

"So are we just not going to talk about Voight getting arrested last night?" he asked, breaking the silence on the topic. She stopped whatever she was doing and gave him a look. He returned one back to her, not backing down. "Is he still in jail?"

She shook her head, crossing her arms together as she leaned against the kitchen counter. "No, he got out last night. Al texted me." He understood then why Erin didn't look worried or why she wasn't distracted earlier.

"Why did he get pinched in the first place?"

She shrugged. He shot her a look like he didn't believe her. He knew that if anyone would know, it would be Al and her. "Come on."

"Come on what?" she shot back, her eyebrows furrowing. He knew she was getting annoyed and wanted him to drop the topic but he couldn't. His boss got arrested, that was a big deal in his book.

"I meant did he get arrested for taking bribes? Again?" Jay clarified, "Or maybe someone snitched on him for his special methods of dealing with the perps."

She huffed, not appreciating the way he was talking about Voight. But it wasn't as though he was lying or making things up. It was no secret that Hank Voight was a crooked cop and that he took street tax. And he proudly boasted about the way he treated suspects and everyone in the precinct knew about the infamous cage. Voight was certainly no boy scout of a cop. Really, Jay should've been more surprised that he wasn't arrested earlier. He voiced all of this to Erin who just shook her head.

"Wow Jay, you almost sound disappointed that he's still not in jail." She slammed a cup of coffee in front of him and headed to her room. He looked at her retreating back and thought of going after her and apologizing. But he knew it would do no good. He and Erin would always just be on different pages when it came to Hank Voight. Erin worshipped the guy like he was a hero— a vigilante put on this earth to bring justice to people. And most days Jay had a difficult time seeing a redeeming quality in the guy. It certainly didn't help that Voight was the roadblock for Jay to get the full relationship he wanted with Erin— his Sergeant hypocritically setting rules for them while he freely disregarded all the rules and procedures.

When Erin came back out, she was already dressed and was still wearing the annoyed pout on her face. He sighed, not wanting her to be angry. Despite what he felt about Voight and his arrest, he didn't want Erin to feel the brunt of his hostility towards his Sergeant. He stood up and made his way over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder so she'd turn around in his arms and look at him.

"I'm sorry," he offered, brushing her hair slightly back. "I just….I have a lot of complicated feelings about Voight but I know how you see him and I shouldn't have said them in front of you."

She nodded, accepting his apology. "Jay, I know how you see Voight. But I just wish…." she paused, choosing her words. "There's more to Voight than just his murky past and his violent methods. He has his own way of dealing with things and I know they differ from yours. But I trust him completely and you should too." He wanted to scoff at that. He didn't blame Erin for trusting the guy. After all, Voight did save her from the streets and it was the only redeeming quality of Voight Jay had in his mind.

"I don't trust people easily."

She laughed. "And you think I do?" He didn't. He knew how guarded Erin was and how she didn't just blindly trust people. Someday, he had questions of just how much Erin did trust him because she was just so private about her past. But seeing as how he was the same way, he didn't have room for argument.

"Look, I know what he did for you and trust me, I am beyond thankful to him for that because you wouldn't be standing here if he didn't but it's just everything else," Jay admitted. "I don't know, I guess I just expect someone that we're supposed to be following to be more transparent, open and honest."

"Jay…" she let out a sigh of frustration when her phone chimed, interrupting them. She furrowed her brows as she read the text. "Shit, we got to go Jay."

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"It's Lexi," she replied, guiding him to the bedroom so he could get his clothes on. "She was involved in a gang shooting."

* * *

Jay felt bad for Lexi, knowing that seeing a friend get shot would be traumatizing for anyone, let alone a 16 years old girl. She looked frazzled and in a daze as she gripped Erin's hands. Erin was good at dealing with her though, whispering quiet words of comfort to the teenager. Jay could only look on though as Erin dealt with Lexi. Then Al was rushing up the stairs, worried and frantic about his daughter. Jay felt for Al. He knew just what kind of fucked up situation Lexi was in now. If they don't find the culprit and get a confession, there was a good chance that Lexi would have to testify and everyone knew that testifying against a gang was as good as signing your own death certificate.

"Calaca, that means Skeleton," Antonio explained to the group after Erin got the name from Lexi. "He has to be in Latin Priests, they're the only gang that would give their boys names like that."

"Alright, find this Calaca and get a confession so Lexi doesn't have to testify," Voight ordered before walking out of the bullpen.

"I have a few CI that I can reach out to," Antonio started. "A few ex-Latin Priests that have gotten out of the game but might still know where to find this Skeleton."

Jay gave Antonio a nod as the older detective left the bullpen to get the information, leaving him and Erin alone. She sat back down at her desk and gave her focus to her computer, not sparing him a glance. He sighed inwardly, knowing that things were tensed between the two after their unfinished argument in the morning. She wanted him to trust Voight but there was a huge part of him that didn't. Not when Jay didn't agree with Voight's methods and not when he still didn't know the reason why Voight got arrested. How could Jay trust the guy when he didn't know if Voight was still taking dirty money or looking the other way so he'd get his cut?

* * *

He could understand why Erin was willing to ignore the fact that Voight got arrested but he was surprised that Antonio was also acting like it didn't happen. So as Jay watched Antonio interrogate the guy that threw the party where the shooting took place and joined him and Erin back in the observation room, he could no longer bite back his tongue.

"So is no one going to talk about the fact that Voight got arrested last night?" He saw Erin shot him a glare from the side of his eyes.

"So?" Antonio shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "He was put in cuffs before once, by me. He got out of those pretty easily. Why should this time be any different?"

"So let me get this straight. The rule of law doesn't apply to Voight? Just so I'm clear."

"Just do your job," Antonio just said as he walked out, Erin following without looking back. Jay stood there, feeling like he was going crazy for being the only one that had a problem with what happened. Everyone seemed to have no issues with the fact that the person they worked under was arrested and for what? No one knew.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration. Maybe it would be better for him to let this go. Afterall, no one else seemed to care. He had another matter to worry about anyway and he needed to talk to Jin.

* * *

He found the tech expert in his own makeshift office, only to find both Ruzek and Burgess there also.

"There you are," Jay called out, getting the attention of the three people in the room.

"Yeah man I'm here," Ruzek replied.

"Aww that's cute," Jay snarked. "That you think I'm here looking for you." He couldn't keep his snide remark to himself but Adam took it in good stride, chuckling before he left with Burgess, leaving Jay alone with Jin like he wanted. Jin motioned for Jay to close the door before revealing what he found out so far about Lonnie Rodiger.

"So I tracked his credit card like you told me to," Jin began. "And I tracked it to a Home Depot. He bought a kerosene lamp and a two person tent."

"So he's going camping," Jay commented before Jin cut him off.

"And duct tape and rope." Jay's blood ran cold at Jin's info, the image of Ben Corson lying on the ground, duct tape on his mouth and hands tied together with rope, flashing through Jay's head. He could only let out a grunt as a thanks before he left Jin's office.

* * *

"This'll only take a minute," he told Erin as she studied the unknown address they were at. He exited the car and made his way over to the house he was becoming far too familiar with, knocking on the door loudly.

"You scoped out your next victim yet?" he spat as soon as the door open, ignoring the bearded old man that stood in the doorway in favor of the meek looking guy that stood a few feet away. Looks were certainly deceiving. Lonnie's dad was ready to play protector though, pushing Jay's chest, telling him to get out. "Maybe you can alibi him out for this too!" Jay directed his fury onto the dad, ignoring Lonnie's claim of not knowing what Jay was talking about.

"Just get off my property!" the dad barked, getting in Jay's face.

"Yeah, call the cops!" Jay dared.

"So what? You're here to rough him up?" Jay wished that he could. That he could unleash all the anger and hatred he had towards the pedophile so he'd never hurt another kid again. Then he'd take whatever remaining anger out on his father that had no problem protecting his sick son.

"He bought duct tape and rope up the street last night!" Jay shouted, hoping that maybe the dad would see that his son was a sick bastard. "You remember how they found Ben Corson last time?"

"What, are you monitoring him?" Jay growled, angry that the father was focused on the wrong thing.

"Your son is a pedophile! And a killer!" Jay shouted, fuming.

"Leave!" The father yelled, pushing Jay. Jay knew it was hopeless, that he wouldn't be able to get through to the dad. Not like this so begrudgingly, he walked away.

He felt Erin's confused eyes as soon as he got back in the car, slamming the door closed. She waited for him to fill her in but he was still pissed off from the confrontation with Lonnie and was trying to reign in his anger.

"What was that?" she finally asked, realizing that Jay wouldn't be filling her in anytime soon.

"Just drive," he told her, trying to keep his anger out of his voice and not take it out on her. Her hands on the steering wheel remained in place, not yet driving like he wanted. He felt her study him, could almost hear the question on the tip of her tongue before she swallowed it down and drove away from Lonnie's house like he said.

* * *

"You alright?"

He found Erin in the locker room, crouching over on the bench with her hand pressing against her stomach. She had just tackled a big guy in T-Mac earlier and he knew she'd be feeling the effect of it right now. Despite their silent cold war earlier, as soon as he saw the pain in her eyes when she looked up at him, he softened immediately. His worry and concern for her well-being overshadowed whatever frustration he felt towards her. He sighed, joining her on the bench and held up the ice pack he had brought for her.

"Come here," he said gently as she scooted closer next to him and he placed the ice pack on her stomach. She winced at the sudden coldness and groaned as the ice pack began to numb the pain.

"Thank you," she managed to mutter out through the pain. She had done a good job of hiding her pain earlier in front of everyone but he saw her tackle the guy who easily outweigh her by 100 pounds to the ground. But she still brushed it off as though it was nothing as she stood next to Voight in the observation room. But Jay kept his eyes on her and saw the small ways she winced as she shifted uncomfortably, the flashes of pain that showed on her face before she quickly hid them.

"Better?" he asked, still holding onto the ice pack against her stomach. She nodded, dropping her head down. He couldn't hold back so he darted his eyes out the door, making sure that they were alone and wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon before he brought his arms around her and placed her head on his shoulder, letting himself be the wall she could lean on. "You were awesome! You brought that guy down like he was nothing."

He was truly impressed with the way she took T-Mac down but that was Erin, always surpassing his expectations of her and showing him just truly awesome she was. She chuckled a bit before wincing at the pain.

"Oh you know me. That's just part of my special skills," she said, teasing. That was the first moment of their usual banter they'd had all day, where arguments and tension over Voight was forgotten and where it was just the two of them, sharing a moment alone.

"Hey," Erin called out softly, tilting his head with her hand. "Thank you for this." She brought her head up and kissed him, thanking him for taking care of her. He smiled into the kiss. Whatever else that was going on, whatever tumultuous thoughts he had running in his mind, her kiss would always quiet them all.

* * *

Jay had to admit he was feeling a lot better after spending some time with Erin in the locker room and not for the first time since he had started this thing with Erin, he wondered just how much power she had over him that just a few minutes with her in her presence could bring him such ease. Maybe he was getting too carried away, getting himself too deep into this but when the alternative was to be apart from her, he'd knew it was just a risk he had to take.

"Halstead, my office!" Voight demanded, Erin's head snapping up as she was getting ready to leave with Antonio. He exchanged a look with her, seeing the worry in her eyes at why Voight was suddenly calling him. But Antonio dragged Erin away and Jay headed to face Voight in his office.

"I told you to let this Lonnie Rodiger thing go," Voight said immediately, closing his office door.

"I have for the most part," Jay replied, not really wanting to get into this topic with him. He still had no idea how Voight even knew about Lonnie and what happened with Ben but he certainly wasn't sympathetic towards the situation, judging from their previous conversation about the topic.

"If you're not going to be straight with me, I can't protect you," Voight warned and that broke Jay's frustration regarding the man. Who the hell did Voight think he was? Standing here and judging Jay on being honest and being straight.

"Protect me?" Jay spat, unable to believe the words that were coming out of Voight's mouth. Just how shameless was the man? "Weren't you just in custody? Who are you to give advice?"

That riled Voight up and he pushed Jay, anger showing on his face. "Don't push me. I can run you out of the unit like that," Voight snapped his finger, the two men locked in a staredown. Jay tried to temper his anger down, knowing that it wasn't going to do any good to come blow to blow with Voight.

"I think Lonnie is going to kill another kid," he revealed, hoping that it would at least let Voight know of his motivation. Maybe Voight would understand.

"You have eyes on you Halstead," Voight said instead, brushing his concern about Lonnie off. "I've warned you all I can."

With that Jay was being dismissed, Jay scoffing to himself for thinking that Voight would understand. Of course, he wouldn't. Because understanding him would require empathy and open mindness and those were two qualities that he knew his Sergeant was lacking.

* * *

"Erin!" She stepped into Voight's office, hearing him call her as soon as she got back to the bullpen. She closed the door, wondering why she was being summoned.

"What?"

"Your partner," Voight began, Erin trying to control her expression, lest she gave away any inkling that there was something more going on with her and Jay. "You need to keep him in check." She frowned, wondering what he was talking about. "He can't go around half-cocked, thinking he's the vendetta police. He is getting himself deep in something he won't be able to get out of."

"What are you talking about Hank?"

Voight looked surprised at her question, that she would be in the dark. "He hasn't told you?" She shook her head, knowing that Jay was obviously keeping something to himself but hasn't revealed what it was. Like what that visit to that house earlier in the day was about. "Just keep him in check." Voight ordered, before dismissing her.

* * *

"Jay," she called, Jay turning around as she joined him in the break room. "I'm your partner. Talk to me."

He just gazed at her, seeing the question and concern in her hazel eyes. He wished he could just tell her everything, let her in. But he knew the risk he was taking with this— going behind Voight's back, asking Jin to track Lonnie's steps, going on surveillance alone so he could keep his eyes on the pedophile. It was a mess and he was jeopardizing his career like Voight had said, that he was risking his reputation. And there was no way he'd do that to her. He'd never bring her into his mess, not when he was already so protective of her.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

She scoffed like she was surprised that he was keeping her at arm's length about this. "That's rich." She took a step towards him, her eyes inquiring, asking him to let her in. "Jay, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything."

"Really Erin. I'm fine." He made to leave, hoping their conversation could end.

"You know, you're such a hypocrite," Erin called out, Jay turning around to face her. "You went on all day about Voight and his secrets and here you are, doing the same."

"It's not the same," Jay returned. "My secrets don't affect this unit."

Erin quirked her eyebrow. "Oh really? So that visit earlier today? That was totally by the books right?" Jay couldn't find a response so he just kept quiet. Erin sighed, softening towards him. "Look Jay, I'm just worried okay. And so's Voight."

Now it was Jay's turn to scoff. "Voight? Worry about me? That's rich."

She sighed, frustrated, tossing her head back. "Why can't you just see the good in Voight?"

"Why can't I? Why can't you?" Jay shot back. "Why can't you just see the truth? He's secretive and…."

"Like you're not!" Erin argued. "You still haven't told me about what we were doing at that house earlier. You want to be different than Voight? Then tell me." Jay kept quiet, knowing it was for her own good that Erin was kept in the dark. That this situation with Lonnie had all kinds of potential to be messy and complicated and he wanted Erin as far away from it as possible. Really he shouldn't have even taken her to the house earlier but he just couldn't wait after finding out that Lonnie had purchased duct tape and rope to confront him. Erin's humorless chuckle broke his thought, Jay finding her with her arms crossed, shaking her head. "Now who's being secretive?" she voiced. "You're a hypocrite Jay. You want Voight to be the bad guy."

"He is! It's not my fault that you are so blinded by the guy that you can't see it. That you would blindly listen to him no matter what you think. No matter what you're feeling!" he let out, spilling all of his thoughts to her.

She pressed her lips together, knowing what he was getting at. "Is this about us?"

He dropped his head, breaking their gaze. She was still waiting for an answer from him, keeping her eyes on him. "Isn't it?" he finally responded. "I know you feel something for me but you're so afraid of going against him that you won't let yourself go and feel it."

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling Jay."

"No you don't have feelings for me then?" he challenged, wanting all the cards on the table. "Then what are we doing here?"

Erin crossed her arms, like she was walling herself off from him. "Don't twist this into something more Jay. I've told you from the start that we're just fuck buddy. No strings attached. Nothing more."

Jay bristled at the way she coldly categorized them into something that meaningless.

"Is that all we are?" he questioned, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice.

She gritted her teeth, staring him down. "What else is there? What else do you want from me?"

He looked into Erin's eyes, searching. He wanted to see something, anything in them. Any indication that she felt about him the way he did towards her. That despite them starting this thing as just no strings attached, casual friends with benefits, that the past month they've spent together in and out of the sheets had grown into something _more. _Like it had for him. But Erin had one hell of a poker face, her eyes not revealing anything he desperately wanted to see.

"Nothing," he finally bit out, trying to keep all emotions out of his voice. "Because you obviously can't give them to me."

With that he walked away, leaving her in the break room alone.

He stalked out of the precinct, into his car and slammed the door shut. His knuckles turned white from the death grip he had on the steering wheels, trying to reign in his feelings. He was hurt, he was angry and he was confused. Hurt that Erin could just callously dismissed him, _them_, like that. Like the time they've spent together meant nothing to her. Angry at himself because how could he have been such a fool? Foolish enough to let himself get lost in his feelings for her and ignore all the warning signs that Erin had given him about not wanting something more serious. All the times she had pulled away, kept him at arm's length, stressing how they were just being casual. Instead he had let himself believe in those tender mornings and mesmerizing midnight spent with her, fooled himself into believing that she felt something more for him.

* * *

Erin sighed, throwing her phone on her bed after not getting through to Jay's phone. She had been calling him all night but he had been ignoring her. Not that she could exactly blame him. She knew she had fucked up, had hurt him in the break room earlier. But that was what she did. Every time she felt herself being cornered or forced to face her feelings, she'd lash out. And the constant arguments about Voight had pushed her to the edge and she had lashed out, badly.

She knew he had feelings for her, felt it in the way he looked at her, had taken care of her and had made love to her. Maybe if she was a braver and stronger person, she could admit her feelings for him too. That she felt just as strongly about him as he did about her. But she was a coward and she was hiding behind the safety wall that was Voight.

It was easy to use Voight as an excuse to keep Jay at an arm's length, to keep things from getting serious between them. They were just too different to work out, weren't they? He had such a hard time accepting Voight and she just knew that if he found out the truth about her and everything that she had done in the past, there was no way he'd see her the same way again. And that would be something she wouldn't be able to take, to see him look at her as someone tainted.

The next morning, she was exhausted, not getting much sleep. Somehow, she had gotten used to Jay being in her bed and holding her as she slept. So when he wasn't there to keep her warm, she tossed and turned restlessly all night and it showed in the large eyebags under her eyes.

She wanted to apologize to Jay, to explain her thoughts and just show him that he was important to her. She didn't know if she could give him everything he wanted, everything he deserved but she knew that she didn't want things to end between them, especially like this.

She yawned as she entered the bullpen, somehow ending up being the first person there. Or third she realized when Al came out of Voight's office, a frown on his face. She glanced inside the office and saw Commander Perry in there with Voight, both of them seemingly in an important conversation.

"What's going on in there?" she asked Al as she took off her coat and draping it across her chair. Al came over to her desk, the look of worry and concern on the man's face making Erin worry.

"It's Halstead," Al replied. "It's bad Erin."


	5. At least it's justice

Chapter 5

"Yo! Did you guys catch the game last night? 18 seconds into overtime, Kane scores the backhander. Guy's on fire this season."

It was supposed to be a normal morning. Well, maybe not so normal as of late because he didn't wake up next to Erin like he had been doing pretty much every morning for over a month. Given their fight last night in the break room, they both decided that it was better for some space. A chance for him to pull back and get his feelings in order. He didn't want to be the only one putting himself out there while Erin was going around denying her feelings for him. So as hard as it was to go to sleep in his own bed alone, he had done it.

"What's with you two?" Erin and Al approached his desk with their faces all looking like they were about to tell him that his puppy had died. It was unnerving. Before Erin could tell him what the hell got her and Al looking so worried, Voight was calling his name.

Jay knew something was up the moment he entered Voight's office, especially after seeing Commander Perry inside waiting for him.

"Halstead. Have a seat," the Commander directed.

"I'll stand." He knew whatever that was about to go down, he'd be better on his feet.

"Where were you last night after your shift?"

"Home. Why?"

"So you're telling us you didn't go out at all last night?" Commander Perry continued his questioning, like he was fishing for something.

"I'm telling you that I watched the Hawks game last night and I was in bed by midnight."

Commander Perry looked like he didn't believe his answer. Not that Jay had any idea why it seemed so implausible to the man. Did he want evidence of his empty beer bottles that were still on his coffee table when he drank himself to sleep after the game ended and the sleep didn't come?

"This was taken last night by Broadview and CIcero." Commander Perry held up a surveillance picture. Jay zoomed in on the familiar looking car in the picture. The car that he had been tracking for the past two months. "The car's registered to Lonnie Rodiger. And that's you. Two cars behind."

Jay knew he'd been caught with his off-hour activity. Annoyance built up in him when he realized that there was only one person who could've turned him in and it was the man standing next to him. Voight. He wouldn't put it past his Sergeant to throw him under the bus. After all, Jay seemed to be the only one who didn't blindly follow whatever off the script, Voight's brand of justice was. The only one who didn't think the sun shone out of Voight's ass like everyone else seemed to think. Not to mention, Voight had never trusted Jay around Erin and this seemed like the perfect way to get Jay in hot waters and maybe even kicked off the unit and back to Gangs.

"Ok so I happened to be driving home behind a pedophile," Jay replied, hoping that his casual tone was enough to make his tracking of Lonnie completely coincidental.

"Well, your alleged pedophile was found dead this morning. LaFollete Park."

"What?" Jay thought he must've heard wrong.

"Someone tied a cord around his neck," Voight added. Jay was shocked. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. Lonnie was dead? After all this time, someone murdered the sick bastard?

"So i hope you have a better alibii than watching a hockey game alone." Jay whipped his head up, eyes narrowing at the accusation that dripped from the Commander's voice. Surely, they weren't thinking that he was the one that killed Lonnie.

Before he could even begin to defend himself, Voight spoke, "Until this is straightened out, you're officially stripped."

"So expect a call from Internal Affair. They're gonna want to interview you as soon as possible," Commander added, as though Jay didn't know the protocol. He just never expected to be in this position. He robotically took off his badge from his waist and handed it over, immediately feeling a huge loss. He was innocent. He deserved that badge and there was no way he was going to go down for something he didn't do.

"You mean an interrogation," he snipped. He wanted to punch the smug look off Voight's face, standing there as though he was an upstanding police. It was laughable when Voight barely got out of his own cuffs just a few days ago. But the man had no shame as he held Jay's badge in his hand. Jay just shook his head, trying to control his anger and quickly walked out of his office. It wouldn't do any good to let his anger out and it was far smarter to get the hell out of there right away.

Jay snatched his leather jacket off his chair and headed quickly for the exit. He needed to get out of the bullpen. He needed to do _something_ to prove his innocence and the only way he could do that was to get Lonnie's file. He was innocent, god damn it!

"Jay." He was so distracted that he didn't even see Erin come out of the breakroom like she was waiting for him. She held onto his arm, stopping him.

"I'm the one who tried to stop that freak, now I'm the target," Jay spat. He knew Lonnie was up to no good and he was targeting another kid. He tried to warn Voight but was brushed off.

"I know," Erin replied, holding out a business card for him to take. He could only stare in shock at her. "Take this number for Dan Hanes. He's the best police union rep there is. You call him and then you tell me how you want to handle this."

He just continued looking at her— his eyes filled with hurt and shock. Did she actually think he did it? That he was capable of murdering someone? He wasn't Voight. No matter how much he wanted justice, he wasn't the type to take it into his own hands.

"This is unbelievable," he only uttered, unable to keep the hurt and anger out of his voice. He couldn't believe this was how Erin was reacting. Giving him a phone number of a police rep like he was on trial or that he needed to defend himself. Maybe Erin was used to things being a certain way. She had looked the other way for Voight so many times that it was now second nature to her but it was _him._ She should've known him better.

He shook off her hold on him and stalked out of the bullpen. He headed toward Jin's office quickly, not wanting to acknowledge the disappointment and hurt that filled his chest at Erin.

"Jin, I need the Rodiger's homicide file," Jay shouted but the tech expert saw Jay coming and quickly closed his office door.

"As a suspect in his murder, that's highly unauthorized."

"Come on man!"

"We're done! Voight said if I help you one more time, I'm back to manning traffic patterns at streets and sans," Jin finished, slamming the door shut.

Never in a million year, did Jay think he'd be in this position. That he'd be accused of murder and was now left to twist in the wind and left hung out to dry. By everyone. Especially Erin. For some reason, that hurt the most.

It wasn't as though he wanted her involved in his mess. He had tried to keep her out of it for so long. She had asked him over and over again about what was going on with him and the Rodigers but he kept her in the dark. Probably because he knew a mess like this was a real possibility and he certainly didn't want to implicate her. He cared about her far too much to bring any harm to her.

It was just a shame that she didn't care about him nearly as much.

* * *

"Erin! Get in here!" Erin sighed inwardly, bracing herself as Voight practically barked at her from his office. She knew what was about to come.

She got up and entered his office, Voight pointing at the door for her to shut. She did as he asked and sat down in front of him.

"What?"

"I don't think I need to tell you this but then again maybe I do," Voight set his eyes on Erin, stern and demanding. "Stay out of this mess with Halstead. Don't get involved and let him drag you down."

"Hank, he's my partner." Did he just expect her to completely abandon Jay? Erin would never. Jay had ran out of the bullpen, angry and pissed, and she was worried to death about him. She knew most of the story about Lonnie but she was never able to get the full story out of him. But it didn't matter because she knew, without a doubt, that Jay didn't do it. Her Jay would never be capable of murdering someone in cold blood. She just hoped that he wasn't out there, doing something crazy on his own. She was his partner, she was the one who was supposed to have his back.

"I don't care if he's your goddamn bosom buddy. I'm your damn Sergeant and I'm ordering you to stay the hell out of it."

"So you're gonna just leave Jay like that? He's a member of your unit Hank." She knew Hank was never a huge fan of Jay but she'd never thought that Hank would just abandon a unit member so callously. Even if it was Jay.

"He got over in his head is what he is. I've warned him several times to leave the Lonnie Rodiger thing alone but he didn't listen. Because you know why? That partner of yours thinks he knows better. Now he's gonna learn that maybe he doesn't have all the answers."

Erin shook her head. "I get it, you don't like Jay. But this isn't just him going against you on a case Hank," Erin crossed her arms, staring Voight down. "He's being accused of murder. Murder. You and I both know that Jay didn't do this."

Voight stuck his tongue to the side of his mouth, returning Erin's stare. "There's only two things I know, Erin. One is that the sun will rise again tomorrow. And two, if you don't stay out of this, you'll be bumped back down to patrol. There are lots of beat cops who want in on this unit and I'll replace you like that with someone who'll actually listen to my orders. You understand me?"

Erin scoffed at his threat. "Fine," she relented, knowing that she'd never win this fight and there was no point in continuing this conversation with him. She stood up to leave. "You know Hank? Maybe it's idealistic and naive of me but I actually thought this unit was like a family. We rallied around Antonio when his son got kidnapped and we did the same around Lexi. Yet we can't do the same for Jay when he needs us? That's a damn shame."

Erin slammed his door hard as she left the office, heading down to the rollup to talk to Jin. She needed to do something to help Jay. Despite Voight's warnings and threats, she knew she couldn't just ditch Jay right now. She took out her phone and tried calling Jay. After several times of just getting his voicemail, she knew he wasn't picking up her calls on purpose. She could just see his eyes, filled to the brim with hurt and frustration when she gave him the phone number for the union rep earlier.

But she had nothing but good intentions. She was just caught so off-guard when Al filled her in on what was going on and honestly, she was terrified for him. Before she could even think of a way to help him, Jay had arrived at the office and was stripped of his badge. The only way she could think of helping him that quickly was to give him that number— to get him a good lawyer that could prove his innocence. But he had obviously seen it in another way, like she didn't believe him. Like she didn't trust him. That couldn't be further from the truth.

She just hoped that wherever he was right now, he wasn't doing anything rash or stupid.

* * *

Jay walked out of the Corson's house, defeated and lost. There was a huge part of him that thought that Danny had done it. Not that Jay would blame him if he had. He knew just how much the Corsons were still hurting over Ben's death and that kind of grief was excruciating. Jay could understand if Danny had done it and would've helped figure something out. But Danny hadn't and Jay believed him so he was right back where he started.

"Hey!" He turned his head and saw Phil Rodiger and his wife came barreling down the street at him. "This is all your fault! If you had just left things alone, he'd still be here!"

Jay didn't have the energy to deal with it. Not anymore.

"Lonnie brought it on himself and you know it," he just replied, getting into his car and driving away.

A few minutes later, he was sitting in the Ivory Tower, Stillwell staring him down, thinking he could intimidate him into a confession. Jay held his ground, a neutral expression on his face, waiting to call the IA bastard's bluff.

"Why don't you make it easy on yourself and just give us a formal statement?" Jay snorted at the offer. He wasn't a fool and he certainly wasn't going to admit to something he didn't do, especially when the evidence against him was thin.

"All you have on me is a few pictures of me driving and you know it," Jay stated, challenging Stillwell to stop him from leaving. But the latter knew he had no leg to stand on so he let Jay go.

* * *

Erin couldn't wait to get the day over with. It was not even afternoon yet and the day was already too long. Her mind was still occupied with Jay, especially since she still wasn't able to reach him. God, he could be so frustratingly stubborn sometimes. Like whenever he had an idea stuck in his head, he wasn't willing to listen to anything else. She recalled their fight last night in the breakroom and the harsh words they exchanged. Or the harsh way she regarded their…._relationship_.

She could still see the way the light went out of his eyes the moment she had categorized them as just fuck buddies. He looked like she had stabbed him with her words and maybe she had. As hard as she tried, she wasn't blind that his feelings for her were growing and their _thing_ that started out as casual and no strings attached had evolved into something..._more._ And that was the last thing Erin had intended.

She knew it was a bad idea to cross the lines with Jay but she couldn't help herself. He was so irresistible and Erin was tired of fighting her attraction to him. It was a losing battle and they both knew it. So they had given into each other. And she had tried to keep him at arm's length by keeping things casual, no feelings involved. But she should've known that it was never a possibility with someone like Jay. He would always be something more.

So she did the only thing she knew how to do— run. Run from her feelings, thinking that if she could just ignore her heart, it'd be okay. That she could actually have her cake and eat it too. That she could have Jay in her bed and by her side at work and it would all go seamlessly. She should've known that nothing would ever be easy for her. Especially when the two most important men in her life hated each other and she was stuck in the middle, teetering between the two pulls. Jay or Voight.

"It's good to see you," Kelly said as they walked side by side back to the bullpen.

"Yeah you too. Wish it was under better circumstances though." Kelly smiled and placed his hand at the small of her back. Erin tried not to pull away at the sudden touch. Kelly was such a flirt and he had made it more than clear in the past that he wouldn't be opposed to them starting something.

She met Kelly's eyes and his grin widened. That grin had probably driven many women crazy and Erin wished she was one of them. He was a master of casual relationships, they didn't work together and most of all, he and Voight wouldn't be at each other's throat every day.

Erin knew things would certainly be easier with Kelly.

After Kelly had identified the suspect and had left, Erin made her way down to Jin's office.

"Hey Jin." Jin looked up from his computer as Erin leaned on the counter. "You got what I asked?"

Jin sighed and stood up, handing Erin the file. "You know that I'm putting my ass on the line for this right?"

"Yeah me too," Erin returned, holding onto the file. "Thanks." Jin just shook his head, probably tired of doing all the side projects for the unit.

Erin made her way back to the bullpen, covering the cover of the file just in case Voight was milling around. She spotted him in his office with Antonio, giving the latter a tongue lashing for bringing Jay into the unit in the first place. Erin stood by the door, eavesdropping on their conversation.

Antonio came out of the office, steaming.

"Hey," Erin whispered, calling him over to the break room. He huffed, still angry about his conversation but he followed her into the break room, closing the door.

"What do you want Erin?" She handed him the file. "What's this?" She just tilted her head and raised her eyebrows. Antonio flipped through the file. "Seriously? Didn't Voight get on your ass about staying out of this?"

"Yeah. This is me staying out," she replied, holding her hand up. Antonio shot her a look. "Me not running out of here and chasing after Jay is me staying out of this, like Voight said." She sighed. "Just get this to him."

Antonio held the Rodiger's homicide file in his hand, his eyes studying Erin. "You really think he's innocent?"

"Of course!" Erin replied immediately. "What? You don't?"

Antonio smacked his lips, shaking his head. "I'll judge for myself when I see him." He held the file up. "I'll get this to him."

Erin gave him a small smile as a thank you. She was relieved that if she couldn't be there for Jay in person, she could at least do this small thing for him. She just hoped that it would help somehow.

* * *

Jay was surprised that Antonio had wanted to meet him. The guy seemed like he had made up his mind about Jay's innocence at the parking lot earlier so Jay certainly wasn't expecting a call from him. And after dodging and ignoring Erin's calls all day, he had almost missed Antonio's call.

"Hey I appreciate you meeting me," Jay began as they walked toward each other. Jay hated to admit it but he could really use a friend right now. He wished he could just turn to Erin and just buried his head in her arms but his hurt and his stupid overprotectiveness over her were stopping him from reaching out to her. He could get through this, he repeated in his head. He didn't need her. He just needed to remind himself of that.

Jay held his hand out to greet Antonio but was caught off guard when he was being slammed down to the hood of his car.

"What the fuck!"

Antonio gripped his shirt collar, getting in his face. Jay pushed him off, wondering what the fuck he was doing but Antonio slapped him across the face.

"What the hell?!" Jay was ready to fight, return the punch with a punch of his own but he stopped himself.

"Did you do it?!" Antonio shouted, demanding an answer. Jay's fury grew yet again at being accused.

"No!" Antonio gripped his shirt tighter, his eyes set on Jay's like he was searching for the answer in his eyes. "If I was going to kill Lonnie, I would've done it the night I found him raped and killed Ben Corson! And I was _this _close!" Jay couldn't contain his anger anymore, a storm raging in his blue eyes. He could easily see the image of Ben's body in his head and he remembered losing it. He had wanted to kill Lonnie with his bare hands that night, wanted to rip that bastard's head apart for laying a hand on an innocent boy. Jay had wanted to take justice into his own hands but he hadn't.

Antonio finally let his tight grip on him go, Jay stumbling back. Then he took out a file from underneath his leather jacket and shoved it in Jay's chest.

"Rodiger's homicide file. You have no idea where you got it," was all Antonio said before he got in his car and left. Jay was breathing hard, the encounter not going the way he had expected. He clutched the file in his hand and got back in his car, ignoring his ringing cell phone for the umpteenth time that day.

* * *

Jay leafed through the file, going over every details looking for anything that can help his case. Prove his innocence. If anything, he wished that Erin was here with him, helping him out. She was so smart and easily the sharpest person he knew. And somehow they always seemed to be on the same wavelength when it came to cases and he just knew that she'd find something in the file that could prove his innocence.

But she wasn't here and Jay had to suck it up. He needed to help himself out if he had any hopes of getting his badge back. He could be a brokenhearted lovesick fool later, he needed to focus on this first. He scanned the statement that Phil Rodiger had given to the police, his eyes pausing when he came across a small detail. He reached for his camera and flipped through the pictures he had taken last night. Huh, this could be something.

But his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door. And for a quick second, his heart leapt, thinking it was Erin on the other side. But his hopes were dashed when instead of the hazel eyes of Erin's greeting him, it was Al's. If the older man noticed the flash of disappointment that came across Jay's face, he didn't comment on it. Instead Al just made his way into his small place, saying something about how Jay shouldn't be drinking alone.

Jay handed him a glass of the wine that Al brought over, pouring one for himself. He needed a drink. If there was ever a day that called for a drink, it was a day where he was being accused of murder, got his badge stripped and realized that the girl he was falling for had no faith in him.

"What? Were you raised in a trailer park?" Al asked, holding up the glass.

Jay leaned against his kitchen doorway, shrugging. "Works the same right?" Al just shrugged, taking a sip of the liquor.

Al just took a sip, both of them sharing a small chuckle. Liquor was liquor and sometime that was enough.

"You know, I've had my piece and my badge taken away from me before," Al revealed. "It's the worst feeling in the world."

"Was it the Browning thing?" Erin had filled him in on what she knew about Browning. Jay knew Al and Voight were tight and that they went way back. But as he stood, studying the older man, he couldn't help but think how different Al and Voight were. They both had done things that were unsavory to say the least and had blood on their hands.

"Well, no one expected us to deliver him that night so we decided not to deliver him at all," Al said, making it clear that he, Voight and Jimmy had taken justice in their own hands when it came to Browning.

"Did Voight make you do it?" Jay questioned. He could certainly see that happening. Voight barking out orders, trying to convince Al that his brand of justice was needed.

"No one made anyone do anything that night," Al replied, looking at Jay like he'd understand if Jay had killed Lonnie.

"I didn't kill Lonnie," Jay stressed, wanting to make it clear that he was innocent. He wasn't like Voight.

"Hey," Al waved him off. "No sweat."

"Can I run something by you?" Jay picked up the file he had hidden on the couch. He knew he was taking a risk with this, letting Al in on the fact that he had somehow obtained the homicide file, knowing that it wouldn't take much for Al to run to Voight and tell him. But for some inexplicable reason, Jay trusted Al and knew that the older man would keep his secret. And let's face it, Jay needed all the help he could get.

"Sure."

"So Phil Rodiger gave his statement and he said that his son never came home that night,but I know he did." Jay remembered following Lonnie into his neighborhood and watching as the pedo climbed up the steps to his house. It took everything he had not to follow him up those steps, knowing that Lonnie had been out hunting for his next victims.

"So what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking if Phil lied about this, then who knows what else is he lying about?"

A couple of hours later, Jay was exhausted and he knew that Al was too. He stretched his body out, yawning.

"Alright, I'm gonna get going," Al said, getting the hint. He stood up and headed for the door. "Just be careful when you confront Phil tomorrow," Al advised.

"Yeah," Jay agreed.

Al opened the door, ready to leave but he turned back. "Also, you might want to think about giving your partner a call." Jay bristled at Al bringing up Erin.

"Uh…" Jay stammered.

Al gave him a knowing look and for a second, Jay wondered just how much Al knew about him and Erin. Al reached over and squeezed Jay's shoulders. "She's been trying to reach you all day right?" Jay nodded, wondering just how Al knew. "She's worried."

Jay sighed, avoiding Al's gaze. "I don't…"

"Voight's keeping her on a pretty tight leash," Al continued, keeping his tone casual. "You know Voight. He's overprotective of Erin." Jay could only scoff. He didn't know if Voight wasa keeping Erin on a tight leash because he was overprotective or just because it was Jay and he didn't want Erin anywhere near him. But even though he didn't want to admit it, he understood where Voight was coming from. He had his own overprotective streak and that was the biggest reason why he had been ignoring Erin all day and hadn't reached out to her. This was his mess and just because he had gotten a lead, it didn't mean everything was peachy. He knew just how much the job meant to Erin and he'd hate himself if he'd ever jeopardized it for her. Maybe when all this was over, they could talk and clear the air.

"I think it's a good idea for me to keep my distance." Al quirked his eyebrows. "I….I don't want to bring her into this. Not until it's completely over." Al squeezed his shoulder again, nodding to let him know he understood Jay's intentions. "Night." Jay watched as Al left.

Jay closed the door, exhausted. Even though, he'd be sleeping alone tonight, he'd hoped that sleep would come easier for him. After all, he had a big day tomorrow.

* * *

Erin slammed her drawer shut. "Where the hell is damn grenade?" she mumbled under her breath, catching Sumner's attention. Erin explained to her how it was a paperweight and a gift from her Academy graduation.

She was annoyed and angry. She had half a mind to go over to Jay's place and bang on the door until he opened up. Just so she knew he was okay because he was obviously ignoring her calls and messages. She knew he was angry and hurt but seriously, he should've known that she'd be worried.

"Al!" she gasped, almost having a run-in with the older detective as she made her way to the locker room.

"Calling it a night?" Al asked. Erin nodded, tiredness showing on her face. She turned back to leave but Al's words stopped her. "He's okay." Erin whipped her head around to stare at Al. "your partner, he's fine," Al repeated.

"I…" Erin swallowed. "He's fine?" she asked when her voice was more steady.

"He got a lead." Erin let out a breath of relief. At least it was something.

"Good," Erin smiled, thanking Al. Now she could go home with a little bit less worry in her chest.

"The file you got him really helped," Al's words got her stuttering, her eyes widened with panic at just how he knew that it was her that got the file for him. Al came closer, holding his hand up. "Don't worry, I know how to keep a secret."

And just like that the detective turned and left, leaving Erin with her heart beating out of her chest behind.

* * *

The whole thing was a damn tragedy. That was the conclusion Jay had come to as he confronted Phil Rodiger, watching the man break down as he admitted to killing his son. Lonnie was sick and definitely deserved punishment. Jay certainly wasn't mourning the sicko's death but he certainly wasn't rejoicing in his parent's pain. He just wished the whole damn tragedy never happened. That Ben was still alive and Lonnie was getting the help he needed.

He brought Phil to the district, the latter ready to give a formal statement. Jay climbed up the stairs to the bullpen and immediately his eyes connected with Erin. She stood up from her desk as soon as she saw him, relief filling her eyes.

"Jay!" she made her way over to him, her hands reaching out like she wanted to hold him but she stopped herself, her eyes glancing over to Adam to see if he noticed. But of course, Adam remained clueless as always, not noticing the tension between the two partners.

"This is Phil Rodgier," Jay said, pointing to Phil. "He wants to give a statement about Lonnie's homicide." He wetted his lips. "Can you...can you take his statement?" Despite everything, he still trusted Erin and she was the one he wanted handling the case.

"Yeah, of course." She nodded, like she was surprised that he had came to her with this. "Um, follow me."

Jay watched from the observation room as Phil gave Erin his statement, confessing to killing Lonnie and pretty much letting Jay off the hook. Erin was being Erin as always, empathetic to Phil's pain despite everything. She had such a big heart. It just hurt that she just didn't seem to have any room in her heart for Jay. At least not in the way he wanted.

Just like sudden as it started, his nightmare was over just as quickly. Phil's statement was enough to stop the IA from investigating him and Jay had gotten his badge back.

Despite Voight's platitude as he handed Jay's badge back over to him, Jay wondered just how much Voight was hating Jay returning to Intelligence and Voight missing out on the chance to get Jay out of his unit. But Jay had his badge back and that was a win.

He felt Erin's presence next to him, like she couldn't be apart from him. Jay wanted to pull her into his arms and just have her hold him up as he break down in relief that the whole ordeal was over. But he just restrained himself, heading out of the bullpen, ignoring the heat he felt when she patted his shoulder.

"Hey we should get a drink to celebrate!" Adam spoke out.

"That's okay. I got somewhere I got to be," Jay replied, glancing back at Erin and found her questioning eyes at where he was going. But he knew he wasn't up for celebrating tonight. He wasn't up for putting up a fake happy smile, pretending like everything was fine as he sat across from Erin at Molly's. He needed time.

* * *

Jay took a sip out of the paper bag, the 40 oz can hidden inside, as he bent over Ben Corson's grave.

"It's over Ben," he spoke, his voice being carried along with the cold wind of the night. "He's gone. You can rest in peace now." His finger trailed the tombstone. Despite Lonnie finally getting some kind of punishment, it didn't really change anything. Sure, Lonnie couldn't hurt another child anymore but Ben was still dead. But Jay knew he should take whatever small victory he could get.

Suddenly he felt it hit him like a ton of bricks. Everything that he had been carrying about this case, the whole ordeal of the past two days came crashing down on him like tidal waves and he fell apart, snow falling down on his head. He tried to take a breath in but couldn't, his knees too weak to hold him up as he fell onto the snow covered ground. There was only one person who he wanted to reach out to. There was only one person who could take away this pain and replace with something sweeter. He was tired. Exhausted, really. He just wanted to be in Erin's arms and let her presence just wash over him.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Erin asked, seeing Severide on the other side of her door. He held up the grenade she had been missing, giving her some line about how it fell in his pocket. It was so terrible and cheesy she couldn't do anything but laugh.

And she needed to laugh. For some reason, she had been expecting Jay to come or at least reach out to her now that the whole Lonnie thing was over. She had been the one that had been reaching out to him all day yesterday and she figured the ball was in his court. But he left the bullpen. He had practically ran out of there and he hadn't called. Erin tried to distract herself with watching t.v, trying not to call Jay. She knew he needed time and space and she didn't want to crowd him. But she couldn't deny the hurt she felt at how easily he could just ignore her.

She sighed, letting Severide continue to flirt with her. The only thing she had running in her mind was that he wasn't Jay. His eyes weren't as blue or as bright. His smile wasn't as mesmerizing nor did it look like it held a secret only he knew like Jay's. The smell of his cologne wasn't as intoxicating as Jay's nor did his closeness make Erin's heart beat out of her chest like drums.

But Severide was…..simple. He didn't come with all the strings attached nor the complications. It could just be a hook up between them and leave it at that. She wouldn't have Voight breathing down her back nor would she have to worry about someone finding out about them. And maybe that was all that she needed right now.

So she didn't fight it when Severide leaned over and kissed her. She kissed him back, trying to lose herself in the kiss and forcing her heart to beat as fast as it did when it was Jay's lips on hers. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could almost pretend. So she kissed him harder.

* * *

Jay stopped in his steps, the wind knocked out of his stomach, as he watched the two figures in the doorway, lips connected, oblivious to the world. To his arrival.

He felt like he was being stabbed all over as he watched Erin and Severide making out. He was an idiot. He should've expected this really. He knew from that night at Molly's that Severide was interested in Erin. She had brushed him off then but clearly she was just as interested, considering she was pulling the firefighter closer to her.

He wanted to go over, pull the guy off of her but what right did he have? She had made it more than clear that she didn't have feelings for him like that. That she saw him as nothing more than just a fuck buddy, good for sex and nothing else. He could try to be in denial, pretend that it didn't hurt and ignore that ache in his heart but it was the truth.

Erin was never his. Not really.

So he did the only thing he could do. Turn around and walk away, trying to ignore the crushing weight in his chest at realizing he was alone in his feelings. Like a fool.

* * *

_AN: I'm sorry! But I just love angst. And Severide has to come into the picture eventually right?_

_So rewatching the episode while I wrote the chapter, I have some thoughts on Severide/Erin relationship. I get that the writers probably put the two together to bridge the show somehow but gosh, what a mistake it was. Not because I don't like Severide or anything. He's fine. But the writers just half-assed the whole relationship and just kinda brought them together with no build-up and just as quickly after, they were done. I know that it was probably hard to give them screentime as a couple since they were on two different shows but there was almost pointless. Especially if Linseride was ever going to have a chance against Linstead. Like did the writers ever thought that people would prefer Linseride when Linstead had a much better chemistry and connection? Like at least give it a worthy opponent. _

_Anyway, that was my whole rant of Linseride which can be boiled down to one word- eh. _


	6. Everything or nothing

Chapter 6

Erin was annoyed. That was the only word to describe what she was feeling inside. Jay had been avoiding her, leaving the room whenever she entered, sidestepping her whenever she tried to talk to him, and was just plain ignoring her unless it had something to do with work. She knew that he was angry at her for how the whole Lonnie Rodiger murder went down and he probably thought that she abandoned him during the whole ordeal. But how did he ever expect to resolve their issues if he wouldn't even talk to her? Were they supposed to be in this cold war for the rest of their lives? For however long their partnership was going to last?

She kicked her legs up on her desk and crossed her arms, her eyes studying the man sitting across from her at his own desk, head bent down, seemingly consumed in his work. But she knew by the twitch of his eyebrows and the fact that he hadn't flipped the pages in the file that he was putting on an act. To act as though he didn't feel her eyes on him. Erin took her eyes off of Jay for a few seconds to glance around the bullpen. Voight wasn't in his office, neither were Antonio and Al. Only Adam remained at his desk behind the cabinet so Erin felt it was safe enough to reach out to Jay….again.

She pushed herself off and slowly walked over to him, Jay tensing up as soon as he noticed her approaching him. Erin surged on. She may be a coward when it came to her feelings for Jay but not when her annoyance was taking dominance in her head right now. She sat her ass down on the edge of his desk, waiting for him to acknowledge her.

He didn't.

Jay still had his head in some files on his desk and Erin knew it wasn't some important case because there was a lull in between cases for Intelligence right now. Perfect timing apparently because the lack of a case gave Jay the perfect opportunity to avoid her and the close proximity they would've been in had they been ordered to ride around in the 300.

Erin sighed and tapped her finger lightly on his desk, trying once again to get his attention. He let out a sigh himself, sounding annoyed. But it didn't deter Erin. She bent her head down to catch his eyes, a smile on her face to try to soften him up.

"Jay," she said, giving up in her attempt and deciding to just be straightforward. "Jay."

He finally turned a page in his file, pretending as though he didn't hear her. She clucked her tongue, her irritation growing. Why was he being so childish? If he was angry at her then be angry. She'd rather he scream at her, yell at her, anything but this silent treatment that he had been giving her.

"Are you seriously going to sit there and act like you didn't hear me? Or see me?"

Jay finally looked up, his eyes colder than she had ever seen them. Blue glaciers that wouldn't melt with just a smile or a flash of her dimples. He was thoroughly pissed at her.

"I'm working," he just said, voice tight like he was explaining things to a five-year old.

"Take a breather then," Erin shot back. "You've been looking at that file for hours now." She waited for his reply. Usually he'd shoot her a retort of how she was checking him out or how she wasn't able to keep her eyes off of him with a smirk on his face and a flirtatious glint in his eyes. But no reply came this time, Jay turning back to the file. Frustrated, she reached over and closed the file, slamming the heavy stock paper down. Finally, she got a reaction out of him, Jay snapping his head up with fire in his eyes.

"What the hell?!"

She shrugged, giving him her best innocent eyes. "Just thought you should take a break. How about I make us some coffee?" She tossed her head back, gesturing to the break room.

"I'm working," Jay repeated again. "I have a lot to catch up on. One usually gets behind at work when one gets accused of murder and have to prove his innocence because no one belives him."

There it was. The source of his anger. At least he was finally voicing it.

The retort of how she believed him and never doubted him remained on the tip of her tongue when Voight came barging up the stairs and pasted a picture of the whiteboard, giving them their next case. Erin felt the heat of Voight's eyes on her and Jay as he shared the details of the case. She hated it— the feeling of being caught between a rock and a hard place. There was Jay…..and then there was Voight. She didn't know why things had to be so hard for her. Women juggled love and career all the time and most of them even managed to get them balanced. And here she was— fighting between her feelings for Jay and her loyalty to Voight. Plus there was the whole not getting fired from her job thing.

She glanced down at Jay again, waiting for a sign from him. Anything. A gesture or a look that would keep her sitting there, on his desk and next to him, Voight's glare be damned. She sighed to herself and stood up to head back to her desk when he gave her nothing. She thought she might've heard a scoff from Jay as soon as she got up but when she looked back at him, his face was pulled into the same frustrating neutral expression he had been sporting all week. Like he was teflon. Unfeeling and uncaring.

Sometimes she just wondered why must the men in her life be so damn difficult.

* * *

The pizza box felt hot on her right hand while the six pack of Jay's favorite draft beer was weighing heavy on her left. She juggled the two as she knocked on his door, hoping that Jay would actually open the door and wouldn't slam the door in her face if he saw her peace offerings. She waited a couple of minutes, the two items feeling heavier and heavier as she waited for the door to open. There was a possibility that Jay wasn't home but she saw his car parked in his usual spot and she swore she heard some shuffling behind the door earlier.

"Jay, I know you're there," she shouted through the barrier. "Please, just...please."

She didn't know if he heard the desperation and pleading in her voice because he finally opened his door. "What are you doing here?"

She just held up the pizza and beer in her hand. "There's a game on tonight."

He pursed his lips, silent and for a second, she wondered if he'd really slam the door in her face. Even if she probably deserved it. But he just left the door open and went back to his couch. Erin thought that was enough of an invitation and she entered his apartment, closed the door and tentatively joined him. It looked like he had a head start on her for the beer count for the night as she spied a finished beer bottle on his coffee table and the half drunk bottle in his hands. The game was already playing on his t.v and Erin was happy to see the Hawks with the lead.

"Good game so far?" Jay just grunted, shrugging his shoulders. "Pizza?" Erin tried again, opening the box and hoping that the smell would entice Jay enough to soften his hard stance a little bit. Jay just shook his head and took another sip of his own beer. Erin closed the box again, not feeling so hungry herself. Instead, she just leaned back against the couch and propped her elbow up on the backrest. Never had she felt this awkward being in Jay's place. Even since they first became partners and started going over to each other's places, she always felt comfortable and at ease around him. That was one of the reasons why they had gotten so close, so fast. There was just this naturalness about them. One that was nowhere to be found right now because not only was there distance between them right now, there was also this stifling tension. She hated it.

Even as the Hawks scored again and pretty much put the game out of reach for the other team, they didn't cheer. They didn't move. Erin glanced down and saw Jay's hard grip on his bottle of beer. Finally, Erin had enough. She came here for a reason and she was tired of tiptoeing around Jay. They needed to talk so she reached over for the remote on the table and shut the game off.

Jay's jaw worked, the muscle clenching at her action. Slowly, she reached out for his arms and immediately felt his arm muscles tensing at her touch but she gripped his arms, trying to get him to look at her.

"Can we please talk?" She sounded desperate but she didn't care right then. She just needed him to not push her away. "Jay?"

He sighed, licking his lips. "What?"

"I'm sorry," she started, wanting him to know that she was truly sorry for what happened with Lonnie and how he was treated by everyone. Especially her. "I'm sorry for how everything went down with the Lonnie case. How you were a suspect."

He just shrugged, brushing her hold off. "Whatever. It's over."

She reached for him again. "It's not whatever," she corrected, trying to get him to look at her so he could see that she meant it. "You didn't deserve what happened. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Erin frowned not only at his words but at the tone of his voice. "It was my problem and it was for me to deal with. Not you."

"We're partners. And we're friends right?" Jay just shrugged again. Erin bit her lips, trying to calm herself down. "So we're not friends?"

"We're partners. At work."

"That's all?" Another shrug from him had Erin finally exploding. "Oh my god! Will you stop being such an ass? I'm trying to apologize to you and make amends! The least you can do is act like you actually care!"

Her outburst had Jay's head whipping around to finally look at her, his eyes blazing with anger and disbelief. "Act like I _actually _care? That's fucking rich coming from you, Erin. What are you even doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?"

Erin's face contorted in confusion. "What are you talking about?" Jay sucked in his breath, trying to calm himself down. He shook his head like he just said something he didn't mean to.

"Just never mind." He slammed his beer bottle on the table and stood up. "You said sorry already. Great. I forgive you. I'm over it so you can go."

Erin scoffed. "You're kicking me out?" Jay just lifted his shoulders again. Erin clenched her jaw and sat back, crossing her arms. "No. I'm not leaving. Not until we actually talk." They stared at each other, willing each other to back down. But both of them were stubborn and they just remained locked in a battle, neither backing down.

"Fine," Jay growled, giving in. "You want to talk? Then talk. The faster we finish this conversation, the faster I can get some peace." Erin tried to calm herself down before she spoke, not wanting them to get into another fight over rash words. "Well?" Jay asked, after she took too long to speak.

"I don't want to fight with you, Jay." Erin ran her fingers through her hair. "I just can't stand us being like this. And if we don't solve this now and work things out, pretty soon Voight is going to notice."

"I don't give a fuck about Voight!" Jay interjected, anger clear in his voice. "Unlike you Erin, my world doesn't revolve around him."

"And mine does?"

"Doesn't it? You pretty much follow his every order!"

"Yeah, because he's my boss! He's our boss!"

"So we're just supposed to look the other way every time he does something off the books? Follow in his footsteps no matter how much we don't agree with it? Let him dictate our personal lives?!"

"Oh my god, are we really fighting about this again?!" Erin stood up from the couch, both of them in a stand-off.

"You're the one that wanted to talk."

"I wanted to apologize to you. To clear the air about the whole Lonnie thing. Not to get into yet another fight about us."

"Is there even an 'us'?" Jay asked and for the first time in a week, he didn't sound flat or angry. He sounded….vulnerable. Erin felt at a loss for word at his question. Jay just shook his head and let out a humorless chuckle. "Never mind. I think I know the answer to that question when you kissed Severide."

Erin's eyes widened. How did Jay know about her lapse in judgement and her kiss with Severide? She had been regretting her actions with the firefighter the whole week. As soon as Severide had tried to push things further that night, she had pushed him away and had given him some excuse about wanting to take things slow. He had been understanding and he had been persistent with phone calls and messages, asking to take her out on a date. She had been making up one excuse after another to let him down gently. But she still didn't know that Jay knew.

"How did you know about that?"

Jay just let out a sad smile. "I saw you guys. Kissing at your place."

Her heart constricted at his words. The fact that Jay had seen them knocking the wind out of her. The look on his face right now made her want to cry. No wonder Jay had been so angry at her, he was hurt.

"I didn't know that you were there." She took a step closer to him, her hands reaching out. "Jay, I'm so sorry that you saw that. If I had known that you were there…"

"I went to Ben's grave that night after Lonnie's dad came clean about the murder and I just wanted….I needed you," he admitted. "But then I got to your door and Severide was already there."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"What could I have said?" Jay shot back. "You would've pushed him away if you knew I was there? You would've chosen me over him?"

"Yes!" Erin shouted, "You think I wouldn't have?" Jay remained silent. "The only reason why I even kissed him back is because I was frustrated. Frustrated that I had been calling you and trying to reach out to you all day but you weren't answering my calls. You were pushing me away."

"I was trying to protect you!" Jay exclaimed. "I didn't want you involved in my bullshit. I didn't want you to go down for my shit. I knew there was a real chance that I could've gone down for the murder and that Voight was probably on your case, trying to keep you out of it. I didn't want to put more stress on you. But the entire time, you were too busy flirting with the fireman and making out with him!"

"How was I supposed to know that?!" Erin shouted back. She was tired of being protected, treated like she was a child. By Jay. By Voight. "And what right do you have being mad at me for kissing Kelly? I could kiss him or anyone that I want. It's not like I'm your girlfriend. We're nothing!" she let out, trying to hurt him.

It seemed as though her mission was a success because Jay looked like she had slapped him with her words. She immediately regretted her words, and hated herself for saying them. Jay took a step back and he swallowed.

"Jay," she called out, the apology already on her lips.

"You're right," Jay interrupted her, hands on his hips. "You're not my girlfriend." He walked over to the door and opened it. "We're nothing."

"Jay," she tried again, not wanting to leave. They couldn't leave things like this. She wanted to take her words back, knowing that she didn't mean them. They weren't nothing. They were….real. Even if Erin was terrified of admitting to herself. But Jay remained by the door and she knew that he wouldn't be open to anymore apology or explanation from her tonight. So she just left.

* * *

If things between her and Jay were awkward last week, she didn't even know the word to describe how things between them were today. After the way they had left things last night at his apartment, Erin dreaded coming into work today. But she knew she couldn't call in sick.

This was the whole reason why she shouldn't have started the whole thing with Jay. She knew better. She knew how mixing work and relationships could get messy. This was what she was trying to avoid in the first place. She had foolishly thought that by keeping things no strings attached between her and Jay, it wouldn't get messy or complicated. But instead, her plan backfired and now they were stuck in the 300, unable to even look at each other.

Erin tried to apologize again, find a window where Jay would be receptive to her apology but he had walled her off the whole day. He had tried to take assignments with the other guys whenever he could, just so he could avoid being stuck with her. He was out of the bullpen most of the day. But Voight had given them an assignment to interview a witness for the case. Jay had tried to get out of it but Voight's eyes practically dared them to defy his orders, lest they show a hint of unprofessionalism.

Erin got out of the car as soon as she parked at the station and made her way to the break room, needing caffeine. Jay had walked ahead of her, not waiting for her like he usually did. She was getting used to seeing the back of his head more than his face. She stirred her coffee, lost in her thoughts.

"What's up with your partner today?" Voight's gravelly voice broke her out of her thoughts. She looked at him and shrugged. "You two having problems?"

Erin leaned against the counter and shook her head. "We're fine." She gave him a tight smile, trying to pretend as though everything was fine between her and Jay. Voight stared her down, looking like he didn't believe her for a second. "We're fine, Hank."

He grunted, scratching his nose. "You know how hard it is to get in this unit right?" Erin nodded, wondering where he was going with this. "I chose you because you deserve to be here. Don't lose sight of that," Voight said, the warning thinly veiled with his words. He was warning her off Jay….again.

"I got it!" Erin replied, frustrated. Voight sucked in his cheeks and gave her a nod before leaving the break room.

* * *

"Is this seat taken?" Erin looked up from the beer that she was nursing to find Kelly next to her. She shook her head, knowing that she couldn't avoid him. She had been dodging his calls and ignoring his messages for a date but it seemed as though she had been cornered at Molly's. She had just wanted to get a drink in peace by herself. To drink her sorrows away. To lose herself in liquor and in a world where she could get the career she loved and be with the man of her dreams. To get away from the reality of Jay being angry with her, probably hating her and Voight tossing out warnings every time she saw him to stay away from Jay and to stay on the path he wanted her to stay on.

She watched silently as Severide placed an order with Hermann, dropping a shot glass in front of her. He held his shot glass up for a toast, waiting for Erin to pick hers up. She picked it up and held it out.

"To us not drinking alone," Severide began. "After all, why drink alone when we can drink together." Erin clinked her glass with his and knocked back the shot, grimacing at the bitter taste.

Several shots later, her elbow was the only thing holding her head up as she leaned on the bar. She was drunk, just like how she wanted to be. Even if she wasn't alone like she wanted to be, Severide still sitting next to her, ordering more shots.

"No, I can't drink anymore!" Erin slurred, trying to wave the shot away. But Severide put the glass in her hand.

"Just one more!" Severide said, insisting. Erin groaned but she held the glass.

"What are we drinking to this time?"

"Hmmm," Severide replied, thinking. "How about to our first date?"

Erin frowned. "This is our first date?"

Severide chuckled. "Sure, why not? We're here together right? The two of us and we're having a good time. Just us having a nice and casual night."

Erin toasted to that, taking the shot. "To casual!" she shouted, holding the empty shot glass up. Severide laughed as he took the glass from her and placed it on the bar. "See, this is easy!" Erin started, hitting Severide's chest. "Why can't everything be easy?"

"Who said it can't?"

Erin frowned, her eyes hazy from all the shots. "Exactly!" she slapped his chest again. "You like casual right? You're okay with casual?"

"Sure," Severide shrugged. "I'm a pretty easy going guy. Why complicate things when they don't need to be right?"

"You get it!" Erin replied, giggling. Severide got it. He understood keeping things nice and easy. Why couldn't Jay? Why did Jay have to bring up feelings and strings and all the other complicated things into their already complicated lives? "There's no need for feelings or other yucky things. Just have fun!"

"Well I don't know about the whole no feelings thing but yeah, having fun is important," Severide replied, trying to follow Erin's inebriated logic. "We can have fun, keep things casual," he said, leaning in closer.

"Fun...casual," Erin mumbled as she saw Severide closing the distance between them. "Easy." Severide smiled, nodding. But even through her haze, she knew that the eyes getting closer and closer to her weren't the right shade of blue, Severide's eyes didn't crinkle in the corner the right way when he smiled and when his lips landed on hers, they weren't the same lips that made her toe curled with just a touch. Things with Severide could be easy and fun and uncomplicated but maybe it wasn't what she wanted.

She pushed him away, stumbling back on the bar stool. Severide reached out to steady her. "You okay?"

"I need...I have to go," Erin mumbled, trying to get out of the bar.

"Wait, Erin." Severide held her back.

"No, I need to get out of here!"

"Okay okay but you can't drive right now. Let me take you home." Erin shook her head. She didn't want to go home. Where she did want to go, Severide couldn't take her there. She pushed him away again, mumbling a promise that she wouldn't drive and quickly left the bar, heading to the only place she wanted to be right now.

* * *

Jay took out his phone from his leather jacket and typed a text. He wanted to apologize to Ally again for what happened earlier tonight. Ally was back in town because of Lonnie's murder and she had reached out to him a couple of days ago. They had met up for drinks tonight and before he knew it, he was following her back to her house. Her parents were away for the night and she had invited him in.

As soon as they got through the door, she had pretty much jumped him and had him in a lip lock. Jay had been caught off guard at first but he kissed her back, both of them making their way to her room that he had been many times before in his teenage years when they snuck around behind her parents' back. He tried to lose himself into the kiss, try to get himself work up as she tugged on his clothes. Anything to get his mind off of Erin and the cruel words she had spat at him the night had tried to avoid her all day, unable to even look at her without his hurt coming out. She had classified them as nothing and it had stabbed him to his core. He knew that he felt for her than she did for him but he had thought that the thing that was holding her back was her strange loyalty to Voight and not wanting to go against him.

Never did he think that there would be another man in the picture. He could still vividly recall the image of her and Severide kissing. He had tried to get the image out of his head but it stayed in his mind, taunting him that Erin wasn't his. Even as Ally pushed him down onto her bed and straddled him, the image remained in his head, his mind filling with thoughts of what Erin was doing right now. If she was with Severide. How far they went that night.

"Jay," Ally tried to get his attention back with more kisses but eventually she gave up, lifting herself off of him. Jay closed his eyes, feeling terrible. "You're not into this?"

Jay sat up, giving himself some space. "I'm sorry Ally." He wished he was into it. That he could forget about Erin and lose himself in his old girlfriend. But he knew it was futile and using Ally as a distraction wasn't fair to her. She may no longer be his girlfriend or the one he had feelings for but she was still a friend. She deserved better. He stood up and picked up his clothes, trying to avoid the hurt look in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Jay!" Ally called out, stopping him. "Why?"

Jay gulped, dropping his eyes. "I just can't," Jay replied. "I'd be using you as a distraction. A way to forget and you don't deserve that."

"Is there someone in your life?" Jay just nodded. "A girlfriend?"

Jay just pursed his lips and kissed Ally's head. "Bye Ally," he said, leaving her behind.

He had contemplated hitting a bar and just getting drunk but in the end, he decided not to. He just wanted to bury himself in his bed and get some sleep and hope that perhaps tomorrow, his heart would be less broken and it wouldn't hurt so much to be dismissed by Erin.

He shot Ally the apology text and shoved his phone back in his pocket. He took out his keys and came to a stuttered stop when he got to his door. Erin was there, sitting on the floor, her head leaning against his door, slumped over.

His initial reaction to seeing her was panic, thinking that she was hurt. The way she was slumped over, her body folded in on itself, scared the shit out of him. He quickly strided over to her and crouched down. "Erin?"

As soon as he got close, he could immediately smell the alcohol coming off of her. She groaned when he shook her gently and she opened her eyes and gave him a lazy smile. He relaxed a bit, realizing that she wasn't hurt. She was just drunk.

"Jay!" she slurred, her arms coming around him, holding him in a loose hug. "You're here!" She frowned and looked at him confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I think I'm the one that should be asking you that. What are you doing here Erin?"

Erin giggled, realizing that she was the one at his place and not the other way around. "I wanted to see you," she replied. "I needed to see you." He asked her why and she set her gaze on him, looking at him with her foggy eyes. "It wasn't the right blue," she replied, as if her words made perfect sense. "And it wasn't the right crinkle!"

"What? What are you talking about Erin?" His worry grew again, unable to comprehend what she was talking about.

"It wasn't right!" she shouted, her arms waving around until Jay held them gently.

"What wasn't right?"

Erin looked at him. "Smile, Jay." He frowned, confused. "No! Smile!" He lifted his eyebrows but Erin looked so serious that he found himself complying and giving her what she asked for. Erin's own face grew into a smile and she held his face. "There are the crinkles!" She brought his face closer to her and brushed the corners of his eyes with her fingers. "My crinkles!"

He realized that she was talking about the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, the ones that he was self-conscious of whenever they appeared along with his smile. She gave him a blinding smile, his heart melting at seeing her. She came here to see him smile? He knew she was drunk out of her mind but he felt himself soften against her.

"Okay, you're drunk Erin." She pouted, shaking her head. "Yeah you are!" he chuckled, knowing that only a drunk Erin would ever pout like that in front of him.

"I'm perfectly sober Jay!" she protested. "I'm great!"

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh. Now that I see the right blue and the right crinkles! They were all wrong earlier. Now they're right." Jay frowned, not really understanding her. But his priority right now was to take care of her. He stood up, ignoring Erin's whine at his departure, and opened his door. Then he bent back down to lift her up and carried her inside. He placed her gently on his bed, Erin's soft breaths blowing in his neck the whole way there. Erin wriggled on his bed, kicking her feet. He took off her boots and socks, trying to get her comfortable enough to get some sleep. She lifted herself up and took off her jacket and tossed it to the floor.

He left the room to grab her a cup of water to help her sober up a bit. He sat down next to her on the bed and gave her the water, watching Erin take large gulps of the liquid. He brushed her hair back to get it out of her mouth and took the glass from her when she was done and put it on the nightstand. Erin let out a hum and laid back down on his bed. He covered her with the blanket, hoping that she'd get some sleep knowing that she'd have a huge hangover the next day.

He was about to change out of his clothes when he heard some noises coming from Erin and he turned around in time to see her toss the blanket aside and quickly ran over to his bathroom. He followed her, finding her head in the toilet, throwing up the alcohol. He kneeled down next to her, pulling her head back, and he stroked her back, trying to comfort her. She groaned after she was done and she leaned back against the tub. Jay got her a cold towel and gently placed the wet towel across her face, trying to clean her up. She moaned at the sensation and she finally opened her eyes.

"Thanks," she mumbled, her head lulling to the side. He continued with the towel until she grabbed his hand to stop him. " I need a shower." He hesitated until she squeezed his wrist. "Please, Jay."

He nodded and helped her stand up. She lifted her arms and stood as he helped her get out of her clothes and helped her step into the shower. He was about to leave her to give her some privacy after he turned on the water but she grabbed his hands again, not letting him leave. She pulled him closer, letting him know that she wanted him to join. He sighed, debating with himself whether it was a good idea.

"Jay," she called his name and he gave in, if only so she wouldn't fall and hit her head. He undressed himself and stepped into the small space. Immediately, Erin dropped her head onto his shoulders and wound her arms around him. He tried to ignore how good her body felt against his and focused on taking care of her. He reached for the body wash and helped her, the water cascading down on both of them. After he was done, he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in his towel and led her to his bed, sitting her down. He pulled out an old t-shirt of his and helped her into it, her wet strands of hair wetting the t-shirt.

After dressing her, he worked to dress himself for the night, his body stilling when Erin came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Erin," he whispered her name but she just held on tighter, like she was burying her face in his muscular back. He managed to turn slightly and Erin eased enough so he could look at her, her eyes more clear than before. The shower had sobered her up more than he realized.

"You need to sleep," he said, trying to get her back to bed. She complied easily enough and she laid down as he covered her with the blanket again. He made to leave the room to sleep on the couch but she stopped him again and pulled him on the bed. Jay, not expecting her in this state to have this much strength, fell in a heap, only managing to stop himself from crushing her with his weight. She scooted to give him space on the bed and instructed with her eyes for him to get in the bed. He laid down next to her and she brought the blanket over him.

"Thank you," she whispered as she burrowed herself against his side. She lifted herself up and looked down at him, their eyes locked on each other. Before Jay could say anything, she bent her head down and kissed him. Jay's eyes closed, getting lost in her kisses again, before he pushed her away gently.

"You're drunk Erin."

She shook her head. "I'm not," she told him, sounding completely sober. Jay shook his head but she held his face and kissed him again. When they finally broke the kiss, she laid her head against his, their noses grazing one another. "We're not nothing, Jay," she whispered. "We're everything."

She captured his lips again and Jay knew that he didn't stand a chance against her. Despite her hurting him and Jay wanting to be mad at her for it, all of his anger and hurt melted away with just a look and a touch from her.

* * *

Jay groaned when the sun got too bright and he could no longer ignore the blinding light. He stretched his body, opening his eyes, and he smiled, finding Erin next to him. He reached over to brush away her hair that had become a mess overnight as she went to sleep with her hair wet. But even with the bed head, she was just so beautiful to him, especially the sun encasing her in a warm glow. Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked several times, adjusting to the light. She gave him a soft smile when she noticed him and she immediately scooted closer to him, bringing her head up for a morning kiss.

"Good morning," she mumbled against his lips. He pressed his lips harder against hers, not wanting them to part just yet. He felt her smile into the kiss and she brought her arm around him, pulling him closer to her.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night," she said when they finally pulled apart. He just nodded. "I was probably a mess."

"You're my mess," he said, teasing. She gave him a small smile. "How's your head?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Pounding." He nodded knowingly at her, his arms twisting around his back to get her the aspirin and water he knew she would need. She sat up in bed to drink the medicine and she leaned back against the headrest. "Thanks."

He just nodded again and he sat up next to her. "So…" he began, his voice sounding nervous. "How much do you remember about last night?"

She turned her head to look at him. "Uh…..I don't really remember how I got to your place but I remember pretty much everything after the shower."

He didn't even realize he was holding his breath for her answer until he let out an exhale at her saying she remembered most of what happened, especially the important part. He reached over to hold her hand. "So you remember what you said about us?"

She smiled, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand. "You mean how we're everything?" Jay grinned, his eyes brightening at her answer and he leaned over to kiss her. He felt like he was dreaming. Despite his heart practically soaring when he heard Erin saying that they were everything, he had been scared that she wouldn't remember this morning. That her words would just remain a drunken confession, one that he would have to force himself to forget and act like it was never voiced if she didn't remember. But she did and she wasn't regretting it.

He let out an exhale and shook his head like he couldn't actually believe what was happening. He kissed her cheek, feeling Erin's dimple concaving underneath his lips. "Everything," he whispered against her skin. He knew he was probably acting and sounding like a lovesick fool but he couldn't help it. Despite all the rockiness of the past week, it seemed like everything was washed away with her simple words that meant so much to him.

"So…" Erin began, face smiling as widely as his. "Breakfast? I'm starving."

He chuckled and nodded. "Sure. What are you in the mood for?"

"Anything really."

"How about some pancakes?" Erin nodded, grinning. He leaned over to kiss her again. "Pancakes for my girl, coming up. Some bacon too. That'll be a nice good last meal if Voight ends up killing me," he teased.

Erin's smile fell and she grabbed his hand, stopping him. "What do you mean?"

Jay chuckled. "It's just a joke Erin. I doubt Voight will actually kill me. Kick my ass sure. Maybe even toss me back on patrol for awhile."

"You….we…" Erin stuttered, shaking her head. "We're not telling Voight."

Jay frowned at her words and he looked at her. "What?"

"Why would you think that we're telling Voight about us?"

"But I thought...what you said last night," Jay began, feeling his world crash once again. "You said you remembered."

"I do and I meant it." Erin got up on her knee. "But we can't tell Voight."

"So what? We're just going to sneak around some more? Act like nothing's going on between us?" Jay scoffed in disbelief. Erin nodded. "Seriously Erin?"

"Jay…" Erin began, reaching for him and he already saw the rejection on her lips again. Her telling him that nothing had changed between them and he pulled his hand away out of her reach. "We can be together….just in private."

"So what? We're together in private and in public, we're nothing?" Jay shot back. "What does that even mean? You want to fuck me when it's just the two of us but I'm your dirty secret when others are around?"

"It's not like that!" Erin protested. "I care about you Jay. A lot. More than just this, no strings attached thing."

"But you don't want people to know," Jay supplied. "When it's just the two of us, we're a couple but in public, anyone can just hit on you and I'm supposed to just sit back and watch?"

"I'm not a property Jay," Erin scoffed.

"I've never treated you like property, Erin!" Jay argued, his eyes filling with anger. "I'm just not thrilled about having to watch you flirt and kiss some other guys like Severide and pretend as though I'm okay with it because someone we know might be watching!"

"Oh my god, will you please let the whole Kelly thing go?" Erin shouted. "I'm not interested in him. If I was interested in him, I'd be with him. Okay and it would be a hell of a lot easier than this. If I wanted Kelly, I could've had him already like last night!"

Jay reeled back. "You were with him last night, weren't you?" She didn't need to reply, the answer was clear on her face. He stood up, shaking his head. "Then what are we doing here Erin?" He was hurt. He was tired. He was tired of putting himself and his feelings out there only for Erin to toss his feelings back in his face every time. This whole push and pull thing she was doing hurt too much.

"Why can't you just be happy with what I can give you for right now?" Erin asked back. "Why can't we just keep things the way they are? We're good together, Jay. What does it matter if people know it or not?"

She reached for him but he stepped back, unable to feel her hands on his skin right now. Not when this much hurt was coursing through his body at her rejection.

"We're great together Erin." he said, bracing himself for what he was about to say. He wanted to be with Erin. But he was tired of the beating his heart had taken when it came to them. "But I can't do this. Not if you're set on acting like we don't matter. Either we're all in or I'm out. Your decision."

He watched for her reaction, his heart willing her to make the right decision. He waited for her to jump back into his arms and agree to give them a try. A real try. He knew they could be amazing together, if only she would take the leap of faith for him. For them. But his heart dropped to his stomach when she shook her head, slowly getting up from his bed. He knew without her saying a word that he lost her. Maybe this time for good.

"I'm sorry, Jay."

She picked up her clothes off the floor and left the room. Jay sat on his bed and clenched his eyes shut when the door slammed closed, the silence in the room ironically deafening, drowning him in his heartbreak.

* * *

_AN: I'm sorry! Don't hate me! _


	7. Whatever You Give Me

Chapter 7

To say things with Jay had been awkward would be the understatement of the year. They tried their hardest to remain professional when they were at work, especially in front of Voight's watchful eyes; but outside of work, they were practically strangers. Erin wasn't sure if other guys had picked up on the change in their relationship and that they never accepted the offer to hang out if the other person had accepted. She thought she saw a couple of strange looks thrown her and Jay's way by Al but she tried not to pay it too much attention. Al was Voight's closest friend and despite the older man's tendencies to stay out of people's business, Erin couldn't help but think that he knew entirely too much. She didn't even want to think about the possibility of Al reporting back to Voight about whatever he thought was going on between her and Jay, even if it wasn't part of his personality. But he was entirely too loyal to Voight.

Not that there was anything going on. At least not anymore. Not since she had pretty much pulled the rug out from under Jay last week. But what the hell was Jay thinking? He had actually wanted to tell Voight straightaway about them and she had been struck with panic at that idea. She couldn't even picture it. Like she and Jay could sit down in front of Voight in his office with their hands laced together to ask for his blessing for them to be together and not expect Voight to go crazy with anger at them for breaking his rules. The idea of Voight being fine with her and Jay dating while they were both in his unit seemed like a pipe dream, even if Jay and Voight had somewhat of a decent relationship. But that couldn't have been further from the truth. She didn't fully understand the disdain and tension that Voight and Jay had with each other but she wasn't keen to be another source of problem for both of them.

She entered the locker room to grab her things. They were done for the night and she had plans with Kelly.

Kelly Severide.

She ignored the feeling that appeared in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought of Kelly. He was a good guy— good looking and nice and he seemed to share her feelings when it came to casual relationships and its benefits. Maybe under different circumstances, she and Kelly could be something. Maybe in a world where she didn't have complicated feelings for her partner. Her life sure would be easier if that was the case and she sure wouldn't be going out with Kelly with hopes that he could be enough of a distraction for her to completely forget about Jay.

She stopped in her steps when she heard Jay and Adam talking in the lockers. She debated going in, not wanting another awkward run-in with Jay in a small space. Especially if Ruzek was there. Not that the guy was real perceptive but she didn't want to risk it. But her decision seemed to have been made for her when she overheard them talk about their plans for the night.

"That's what I'll be doing. Dinner with the old ball and chain," she heard Ruzek say to Jay.

"A piece of advice Ruzek. If you actually want to make it down the aisle, don't call your fiance the old ball and chain." She nodded to herself, agreeing with Jay. The idea of Ruzek getting married still seemed ridiculous to Erin. She liked Ruzek in that little annoying brother way but she couldn't see him as a married man. But that wasn't her business.

"Yeah sure. I'll take relationship advice from a single guy," Adam shot back at Jay. "So what are your big plans for tonight? You finally managed to convince a girl to go out with you?"

She heard Jay mutter a few cuss words at Adam for his remark before telling him his plan for the night. "Just dinner with Ally."

"Ally? Isn't that the same girl you went out with last night too?" Adam asked. "Ah, things are getting serious with you two? Halstead, did you finally snag yourself a girlfriend?" Adam sounded amused at the thought of Jay getting a girlfriend while Erin stood paralyzed, feeling anything but. She knew it was ridiculous— even unfair— for her to feel any type of jealousy at the idea of Jay and Ally. She didn't even want to entertain the hint of betrayal she felt at Jay going out with another girl because she didn't have the right to. She'd be the world's biggest hypocrite if she did when she was the one that hurt him and was going out with Kelly or whatever the hell they were doing.

"I told you we're just friends," she heard Jay say and she couldn't deny the feeling of relief that passed through at her, hoping that he was being truthful and not just trying to get Adam off his back. "Besides, her family is going to be there."

"So you're meeting her family then! Getting that serious huh?" She rolled her eyes at the joke, suddenly getting the urge to smack Ruzek over the head for pushing Jay and Ally together. He didn't know the whole story about Jay and the Corsons.

"Sure. We're just days of eloping," Jay sassed before slamming his locker closed, indicating he was done with whatever he was doing in there. Erin knew she needed to leave before Jay found her eavesdropping on his conversation with Ruzek so she turned around and scurried off, not bothering to get her things she needed from her locker.

* * *

"Another beer?" No reply. "Erin?" Kelly tapped his finger on the table to get Erin's attention. She quickly shook her head out of her thoughts and tried to smile at him.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"I asked you if you wanted another beer?" Kelly asked her, his eyes watching her with worry. She shook her head at the offer, wanting to stay sober. She definitely didn't want a repeat of what happened the last time she got drunk. Not only because she didn't want to somehow end up at Jay's door and hurt him again but because she was pretty sure Jay would slam the door in her face and toss her out of the streets this time.

"I'm good." She gave Kelly a tight smile.

"Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, trying to sound convincing. She felt bad. Here she was, out with Kelly, and her mind couldn't stop thinking about Jay. What he was doing right now. Who he was with. She couldn't stop imagining Jay with Ally. She had seen his high school sweetheart once before when she came to visit Jay at the station and she was certainly pretty. It was obvious even then that she and Jay had a long history and from the little that Jay had told her about his relationship with the Corsons, she knew they had long and complicated ties with each other.

She could just imagine in her head of Jay and the Corsons sitting around the dining table, talking and laughing. Jay and Ally reminiscing about their old relationship while her parents looked on happily, approving of them and cheering for their reunion. She could see them being so picture perfect that it made her ill. Especially when she could picture the totally opposite when it came to her and Jay...and Voight.

"You sure?" She met Kelly's eyes and saw the genuine concern in them. Guilt rose in her stomach again. She didn't even know what the hell she was doing anymore.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"I know that we're taking things slow and keeping things pressure free but you can talk to me about things that are on your mind. You know that right?" She nodded, giving Kelly a smile. He was being sweet and caring while she was too busy thinking about Jay.

"Thank you Kelly. Really." She reached across the table and placed her hand over his. Kelly turned his hand over to lace their fingers together and gave her a killer smile across the table. She just wished with everything she had that she could get lost in his blue eyes completely and not wish that it was Jay looking back at her.

* * *

"She'll be okay, Erin." Erin stopped her fingers tapping on the steering wheel and turned her head to look at Jay.

"Yeah, maybe." She couldn't help but be worried about what they were doing. Burgess was still green at the whole undercover thing and she and Nadia were pretty much going in blind as undercover call girls since the wire wasn't working. She felt responsible for Nadia and if something happened to her because she was trying to make amends to Erin, Erin knew she'd never forgive herself.

She could still see Jay looking at her from the side of her eyes. This short conversation was pretty much the most they've talked in over a week.

"It should be me in there," Erin muttered as they sat in the car, waiting for Kim's call that she had eyes on Rolo Ramirez. "They're too dangerous and Burgess is too green. If she or Nadia get hurt in there..."

"Hey," Jay called, Erin's eyes still on the house that Kim and Nadia went into. "Hey Erin, look at me." She slowly turned her head to meet his eyes. "They're going to be fine. I know you're worried but they'll be okay." She nodded, letting his words comfort her. Even after everything that had happened between them, he was still there for her when she needed him. She was about to reply, thanking him for calming her down and still being there for her, when they got the signal they'd been waiting for. The thank you went unspoken as they quickly exited the car and made entrance into the house, ready to arrest Rolo and his friends.

* * *

In the frenzy of trying to stop the guys in the house from escaping and Erin trying to make sure Nadia was okay, she lost sight of Jay and what he was doing. Nadia had to take a line of coke to keep her and Kim's cover and Erin found the girl shaking and trembling in the corner. Erin knew that her focus had to be on making sure Nadia was alright.

She had taken Nadia to the hospital for a quick check-up to make sure she was alright and afterwards, she had driven her to the rehab center that Erin had taken her to before. Only this time, Erin had gotten out of the car and had walked in with Nadia, making sure that the girl had actually made it in. She couldn't stay long, the person at the center reassured Erin that Nadia was in good hands, so with a hug and a promise to be there for her, Erin had left and made her way back to the station. She didn't know what happened at the crime scene after she left or whether they even caught Gustav Munoz after he had run away from the house.

The bullpen was empty when she went up the steps, even Voight's office was closed. She took that as good news that they wrapped up the case and made her way into the locker room to get her things that she didn't take the day before. She was expecting the locker room to be empty too so she certainly wasn't expecting to find Jay still there.

She also certainly wasn't expecting to find him in such a state.

Her eyes widened in horror when she saw the corner of his lips all cut up and a huge bruise right underneath his eye. He looked like he went ten rounds in the boxing ring and came out a loser. He looked terrible.

"What happened?" she gasped as she rushed over to where he was standing by the sink. "Are you okay?"

Jay winced as he moved his jaw back and forth but he nodded all the same. Erin shot him a disbelief look at his answer, not believing him for a second. He certainly wasn't okay but she knew Jay and how much he hated to look weak in front of others. She turned him around by his shoulders so she was looking at him, her eyes taking in his injuries. He tried to squirm away, not wanting her to get a good look, but she held him down.

"You need to ice your lips," she told him, ignoring his protests of not needing it. She left the locker room in search of ice and when she returned a few minutes later with an ice pack in her hands, he was still trying to protest that he didn't need it.

"I'm serious, Erin. I'm fine." She rolled her eyes and pulled him so he was sitting down on the bench. Then gently, she placed the ice pack on his lips, Jay wincing at the sudden coldness. "It's not necessary," he mumbled, even with the ice pack on his face.

"Shut up," she chided him, holding the ice pack to his face. She brought her other hand around the back of his head and pressed the ice pack closer. He mumbled something incoherent but she just ignored him again. "Will you just shut up please? And just let me do this for you?"

He sighed, giving in and he remained quiet as they sat on the bench, Erin icing his cuts. She tried to ignore how it felt to be this close to him again. She missed him, that was obvious. It didn't feel right to not hear his smartass remarks that made her laugh, not see his mischievous grins that should've really annoyed her more than they did, and it didn't feel right to not have him by her side at all times. She just wanted things to return to normal and maybe she was the one who needed to make the first step for it to happen.

"Jeez Halstead, one time I'm not watching your 6 and this happens," she joked, hoping to break the tension and have things go back to where they were. "Face it, you need me."

His eyes met hers and his mouth parted like he had something to say. She waited to hear what it was but he closed his mouth. Before she could ask, his face softened and he gave her a small smile as best he could manage. "Yeah, I guess I do."

They held each other's gaze, Erin's hands still holding the ice pack on his face. Before she could say anything more, her phone buzzed.

"You should get it," Jay told her as he shifted backward, breaking her hold on his head and breaking the moment. She pulled the phone out of her pocket with one hand and checked who the message was from. Jay didn't need to ask who was the one that interrupted their moment, the way Erin had quickly shut the phone off and shoved the object back in her pocket made it clear that it was the firefighter that had interrupted them. "You should reply back. You don't want to keep the firefighter waiting."

Erin looked like she had been slapped in the face by his comment. She stammered through her words, not knowing what to say. It had been Kelly who had texted her, wondering what she was doing and if she was free for a late bite. She tried to keep the fact that it was Kelly away from Jay but he knew. He was always able to read her so easily.

"It's fine," she dismissed him, wanting to change the topic. She tried to hold the back of Jay's head again but he moved his head out of her hold. And she knew right away that Jay was pulling away again, closing himself off from her. He took the ice pack from her, causing her hand to fall away from his face. He was putting the distance between them again, the earlier moment between them gone the second Kelly's text came through.

"If you need to go, it's fine Erin." He tried to sound unattached and aloof, like he was totally fine with Erin meeting up with Severide.

"Jay," she started, wanting to take the ice pack back from Jay so she was the one holding it to his face. She wanted to be the one that nursed his wounds and to be the one that took care of him.

"How's the fireman anyway?" Erin didn't think he'd cared one way or the other. But they could no longer ignore the Severide-shaped elephant in the room.

"Good," she replied. If he was going to ask, then she might as well give him an answer. "We're taking things slow." He just nodded and Erin tried to not notice the way his breathing had sharpened. The silence stretched on and Erin didn't know what else to say. She knew it was a better idea to just leave him then and go with Kelly but she couldn't find it in herself to get up. Instead, she slowly reached out to him again, gently taking the ice pack from his grasp and held it for him. She let out the breath she was holding when he didn't move away this time, letting her help him.

"Better?" she asked and he gave a small nod in reply. She couldn't help herself and she slowly brushed her fingers through his hair before letting them travel down to his face, softly stroking his jaw just over the cuts. His stormy eyes were regarding her carefully, watching her every move. Her touch lingered on the cut just below his lips and she couldn't help but think how nothing should mar his beautiful face. She didn't even notice she was leaning into him— or rather they were leaning into each other— the distance between their faces closing, until her lips were just about to touch his. Her eyes closed involuntarily, almost as if they were in anticipation of the moment that was about to happen. She felt his warm breath on her face, her heart thudding against her chest as she waited to finally taste him again.

But the sharp gasp from him had stopped the moment and she felt a breeze brush over her face when he suddenly pulled his head back. Her eyes snapped open at the abrupt stop and she saw him stumbling back in his seat, away from her.

"Jay?" she began hesitantly, wondering what caused his sudden change.

He clenched his eyes shut, teeth grinding against each other. He looked like he was in agony and his fists were turning white from the way he was clenching them.

"You can't do this to me," he gritted out, sounding tortured.

"What?" she asked, confused. She thought they both wanted it. She was sure they were both leaning in, about to kiss each other.

He stood up suddenly and started pacing back and forth in the locker room, his hands cocked on his hips. "You _can't_ do this to me," he repeated. "Again!"

"Do what, Jay?"

"You can't just jerk me around,Erin!" he exclaimed, standing in front of her. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. She wasn't jerking him around, was she?

"I'm not!" she tried to defend herself. She knew she fucked up when it came to him but she wasn't cruel enough to hurt him intentionally or jerk him around like he was accusing her.

"Then what do you call this?! You're dating Kelly when you can't even give us a chance yet you're here trying to kiss me? I'm not someone that you can pay attention to when you're bored or when things are going the way you want with the fireman!"

"That is not what I'm doing," Erin retorted back, her own anger growing at the accusations Jay was throwing in her face.

"Then what is this? Why are you here, Erin?" he asked, waving his hand between them. He was panting hard now, his anger turning his face red as he waited for her answer.

"Because I care about you," she answered honestly. He scoffed at her answer and she fumed. "You don't believe me that I care about you?" she demanded, standing up to match his height.

"I just think you have a funny way of showing it, that's all." Jay shrugged, dismissing her. She wanted to throttle him. He always knew how to push her buttons and how to get her blood boiling. _God! _ He frustrated her to no ends, his stubbornness matching her own and all she wanted to do was push him against the lockers and kiss him. Just take all of their anger and let them collide until they explode and burn.

Jay sighed, dejectedly and the way his shoulders fell got Erin's attention. Suddenly, Jay was no longer angry. He just seemed tired and done. She frowned, wondering why his demeanor suddenly changed.

"I can't do this anymore, Erin." Hearing the dejection in his voice stabbed her heart. "You can't keep doing this to me. I can't…" She parted her mouth, wanting to say something to fix the situation but he held his hand up, stopping her. "I told you it's all or nothing so unless you're ready to give me everything, I think it's better we keep our distance." She was paralyzed in place, her mouth still open but no words came out. He took a step towards her and looked at her, his blue eyes begging her to give him the answer he wanted to hear. That she was ready. But the words wouldn't come out of her mouth and she saw the lights dimmed out of his eyes and his lips curled in a sad smile— like he was expecting her answer. "I got my answer then." With one heartbreaking half smile, Jay shook his head slightly and walked out of the locker room.

* * *

It wasn't like anything they had ever seen or ever wanted to see. It was supposed to be a normal day but by the time the clock struck 8:00, it became clear that there would be nothing normal about today.

The scene that they arrived onto was chaotic. Erin couldn't take her eyes off of the building that used to be Chicago Med. Perhaps it was a good thing because it kept her eyes off of the blood and what she could only assume was body parts that were on the ground. She didn't even want to think of someone's toes or fingers being tossed on the ground after the person was caught in the bomb explosion. The stern faces on her team showed just how determined they were to catch the animals that did this. The animals that thought it was okay to blow up the place where people felt safe, where people came to get medical help.

"Hey," she greeted Kelly who was taking a break, soot covering his face. He was gulping down water like he had been stuck in the desert for a year. He tilted his head, greeting her back.

"You guys know who did this?" Kelly asked her. Erin shook her head, telling him that they had just gotten there. But she offered him a solid hand on his shoulder, an unspoken promise that they wouldn't stop until they caught whoever did this. With one last smile, she made her way inside the hospital.

* * *

Erin felt like she was everywhere in the hospital or what was left of it, trying to interview and get information from as many people as she could. Most of the information was useless but her stomach dropped when she heard about Burgess and her niece. She didn't want to be the one to tell the team the bad news but they practically considered Burgess an honorary member of the team at this point and she knew everyone would want to be there to give her support.

They found Burgess sitting by her lonesome in a waiting room and as soon as Erin entered, she squeezed her shoulder, telling her that she was there. She saw Adam pull Burgess into a tight hug and Erin saw how Voight's eagle eyes immediately zoomed into the display of affection between the two. He really didn't miss anything. It was hard for her to stand there and listen to Burgess talking about ruptured livers and donors when the victim was just nine years old.

"We're going to ask for forgiveness instead of permission today. You understand that?" Voight spoke to the group, everyone nodding in agreement. "We're not slowing down for anything." With that and an agreement among the group that they would do whatever it took to catch the guys, they left to chase the lead that Jin had given them.

Erin rode with Voight just like she had been doing whenever she got the chance lately. After the way they had left things in the locker room, spending any time with Jay in the small space of the 300 didn't seem appealing to Erin. If Voight had any questions about why Erin was suddenly keen to ride with him, he didn't voice them. Erin shook her head and went back to looking at the information Jin was sending to her iPad. They had bigger things to worry about than her fractured partnership with Jay.

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Go back," Al instructed Jin as the latter scrolled through different pictures of the associates Paul Watts had contact with on the anti-government website. It was the best lead they had so far. "That's him. That's the guy."

"What guy?"

"The guy that told me that he saw two dark skinned guys in sunglasses leaving the scene. That's the guy. He's here."

They all exchanged looks with each other before going in search for this Pat Vaughn. The guy who had given Al false information, hoping to send the authorities off the track in their investigation. They all headed to his room and found it empty, the guy already being discharged.

"We got to stop him before he gets outside," Al said as they continued their search. Erin walked as fast as she could, keeping the image of the guy in her head, and searched for him. She turned the corner and stopped as she spotted him, talking to a nurse.

"Found him," she spoke into her radio, telling them the location and waited for her team to arrive. Jay had arrived first and she gestured with her head to where Pat Vaughn was. A few seconds later, the rest of her team arrived. "We need to stop him before he leaves."

Voight nodded, gesturing Erin to approach the guy. She tried to catch Jay's eyes, hoping that he would go with her and be her backup but he wasn't meeting her eyes. Not that it was surprising for the past couple of days. She sighed, not wanting to make a big deal of it in front of people. Instead, she asked for Al to be her back-up, especially since he had talked to the guy before.

They slowly walked over to Pat, overhearing him say some bullshit to the nurse.

"Pat Vaughn?" Erin called his name, the blonde man turning his head.

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind coming with us for a few minutes?" Erin asked, trying to keep her voice calm and collected. They didn't want to give away the fact that they were onto him.

"I just checked out," Pat replied.

"Just for a few minutes. We just have a few follow-up questions," Erin returned back, hoping that the guy would cooperate before they had to make him come. Either way, they were going to get their chance to talk to him.

"Of course," Pat nodded, smiling. Erin moved in to lead him but Pat had a plan of his own. She had no idea how he got the knife out of his pocket that fast but before she knew it, he had her in his grip, a knife on her throat. Her team clamored, shouting at him, ordering him to let her go. Her hands were around her back, Pat gripping them, and she couldn't move. Not unless she wanted to slit her own throat with the knife on her neck.

She noticed Jay immediately took his gun out, pointing it at Pat, ready to shoot if need be. She was struggling against Pat, hoping that she could somehow shake the guy loose. Jay still had his gun pointed, slowly taking a step forward for every step Pat was dragging them back.

"Take it easy," she heard Voight say but she couldn't really process the exchange Voight was having with the guy. She was too busy trying not to panic herself and trying to get herself away. She winced when Pat put more pressure on the knife, feeling the weapon press against her neck.

"I've got nothing to lose," Pat spat, pulling Erin backward like he was ready to use her as a shield until they made their way outside. She saw Voight tried to negotiate with him some more, telling him that there was no way they were going to let him walk out of here with her.

"I've got no problem slitting a throat, especially a cop's!" Pat threatened and Erin knew he was serious about it when he pressed the knife harder against her. She tried not to panic even more but it was hard when a guy had her by the throat, literally.

She met Jay's eyes as he stood behind Voight, his gun still drawn. But his eyes were on hers, not veering away like they were glued onto her. She tried not to show fear in her eyes but she knew he saw it all the same. She kept her eyes on Jay, not wanting to look elsewhere except the blues of his eyes that were trying to calm her down. But she saw the fear in them that he was trying to hide from her.

Pat pulled her to the side, turning them around and breaking her eye contact with Jay's. Then everything happened so fast after that. Mills and Cruz came to her rescue as they caught Pat by surprise and she got one good shot into Pat's nose and she scrambled away from him. She took a deep breath in, being able to breath now that he didn't have a tight grip on her.

She heard Voight whispered to Al about needing a room before they dragged Pat away, to do god know what. But Erin didn't really care much whether or not they would follow protocol. The guy had it coming anyway. In the frenzy of Pat shouting how he needed a doctor and Voight and Al dragging him away— Antonio and Adam following— it gave the perfect opportunity for Jay to pull Erin into one of the empty booth, Jay shutting the curtains.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, his hands coming up and patting her down like he was looking for where she was wounded. He sounded frantic, worried and almost angry.

"I'm fine, Jay." She tried to keep her voice calm because she knew if she didn't, Jay would go off the rails even more. He was breathing hard, his hands squeezing her shoulders, and he finally met her eyes. She softened as soon as she saw the storm that was brewing in them— full of fear and worry. He cared. Clearly. His fingers came to her neck and she couldn't help but wince at the touch on the sensitive spot. He stilled, the storm in his eyes growing larger at her show of pain. "It's okay," she said, trying to comfort him. "Really, I'm fine." Her hands came up to meet his— one on her neck and the other on her shoulder and she squeezed his hands to make sure he heard her.

He exhaled and shook his head softly. He deflated, the tension and fear in his body gone at her making sure he knew that she was completely fine. A little shaken but she would live.

"I'm sorry." She frowned at his apology, wondering why he was giving her one. "I should've been there to back you up." He sounded so small, guilt loud and clear in his tone. She didn't want Jay to beat himself for it.

"It's okay." She gave him a small smile. She wasn't mad. "There was nothing you could've done. We didn't know he was armed."

"Still," he tsked, angry with himself. She didn't like him blaming himself for something that was out of his control. Besides, she was completely fine. "I'm your partner. I should've been your back-up. Not Al."

She kept quiet, not knowing what to say to comfort him. So she just kept her touch on his hand, his thumb still brushing against her neck.

"We can't have this happen again." She frowned, wondering what he was talking about. "Whatever happens between us, it can't spill into our partnership." She nodded, completely agreeing with him. "I can't…..I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let something happened to you because I can't keep my feelings separated." He clenched his jaw before he continued. "We're partners. We'll have each other's back. No matter what."

Erin nodded. "No matter what."

* * *

If having a knife to her throat was what it took for her partnership with Jay to go somewhat back to normal, she'd take the deal all day long. Not that she would Jay tell that. He'd probably yell at her for being reckless and she had scared him enough today. Erin knew Jay wasn't completely over the incident yet, his eyes looking over her every few minutes, checking to see if she was hurt. Even though, she had reassured him probably twenty times by now that she was completely fine, he still didn't seem convinced. He had tried to get a doctor to help and check her out— pretty much hunting an available doctor down and demanding that Erin be the next patient the doctor sees— but she had refused, not wanting to take up precious resources from the people that actually needed the medical attention. Especially since she was completely okay— only a few faint red lines on her neck that showed what she went through. Erin hated being fussed over, even if it was by Jay.

What she did love was this— her and Jay working flawlessly together again as they chased down Powell. It felt normal to kick ass with Jay— to have his back as he had hers. For the first time in weeks, she felt her world right itself.

They exchanged goofy smiles as they stood in the streets, exchanging small talks. She knew that he was feeling the same towards her. They were maybe getting back to normal. Before high school reunion and possibility of one day. Before they gave into each other. Before growing feelings and hurt rejections. She wanted to stay in this bubble for as long as she could. But she saw Jay moved away, his eyes looking somewhere back of her. She turned to find Voight coming up to them and she felt Jay leave before she could stop him. She tried not to look disappointed as Voight stood in front of her, telling her that she did a good job. She gave him a smile and a high-five, taking in the rare moment where Voight showed his approval.

* * *

They sat in the waiting room of the hospital in complete silence. Even though they had caught who was responsible for the bombing, there was still the matter of Burgess' niece and the surgery the little girl was going through. They were there as a show of support, to let Burgess know that she wasn't alone. She had Intelligence standing behind her.

Jay tried to sit still as they waited for news. After everything that had happened today and after all the running around, he just felt exhausted now that the action had died down. He was still trying to get over what had happened earlier with Erin. He couldn't forget how his blood ran cold as soon as he saw Pat take Erin into his grasp and held a knife to her throat. Jay was ready to shoot the bastard, rip his head off for even daring to threaten Erin. He turned his head to where Erin was sitting next to him and he resisted the urge to hold her hands, even just to feel that she was there next to him.

The door opened and everyone's heads turned, hoping that it'd be the doctor with the news about Zoey. But it was just Severide helping a woman. Jay tried not to let his feelings show on his face at the firefighter's appearance, especially when Severide came up to Erin and knelt down next to her. Jay squashed his jealousy down, giving Severide a small nod in greeting. It wasn't the firefighter's problem that Jay was heads over heels for Erin and couldn't stop caring about her. It wasn't his problem that Erin didn't want anything resembling a relationship with him. It was Jay's own problem and he would just have to deal.

After the doctor gave them the good news about Burgess' niece, Jay had left quickly, not wanting to be around Erin and Severide together any longer than he needed to be. He felt Erin's eyes on his back as he walked away but he forced himself not to turn around as he made his way out of the hospital.

He couldn't stay around to watch.

* * *

He heard the knocks on his door and Jay reluctantly left the comfort of his couch as he stumbled towards where the sound was coming from. He didn't know who it could've been on the other side but he certainly wasn't expecting to find Erin, standing.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her, confused at why she was there at his door when he thought she was spending the night with Severide.

Erin shrugged. "Can I come in?" He stepped aside, letting her in and he closed the door, his eyes following her as they made their way inside. She turned around and crossed her arms, giving him a small smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, wondering if she was hurt or if something had happened to her for her to show up at his door.

"Yeah." She didn't sound convincing and he stepped towards her, really looking at her. "I...I just..I thought we needed to talk." He frowned but agreed all the same, as he followed her to sit down on the couch.

"Today...crazy day huh?" He scoffed as she stated the obvious.

"What's really on your mind Erin? Because I know you didn't come here to state the obvious." he asked her bluntly. If she was caught off guard by his bluntness, she didn't show it.

"I just wanted to thank you. For taking care of me after what happened." She didn't need to thank him for that. "And for being my partner. It felt good, us working together again. I missed it."

He smiled. "Me too," he stated truthfully. He did miss working with her. They've always worked so well together and he missed the easy partnership they had. He just...he just missed her. Despite their rocky relationship as of late, he knew he didn't want to lose her. He had been so scared when he saw her in danger and he knew then that he'd never forgive himself if he had let her get hurt, just because he was too stubborn and caught up with his own feelings.

"Erin," he shifted so he was facing her. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately. I let myself forget about the fact that we're partners first and foremost. If you had gotten hurt today…"

"I'm fine, Jay," she interjected, squeezing his hands.

"Yeah. But you could've. All because I was too stubborn to back you up." He sighed and held her gaze. "But that's not going to happen again. I'll always have your back. I promise."

She smiled, promising him the same. "I'm sorry too."

He nodded. He knew she wasn't ready to give him everything he wanted but the last thing he wanted was to lose her...in any way. So if friendship and partnership were what she could only offer him, then he'd take it gladly. Because Jay could handle seeing her with Severide, no matter how much it hurt. What he wouldn't be able to handle was not have Erin in his life at all.

* * *

_AN: So they'll be just partners for now but we all know it won't last long._

_Fun little fact: the moment in 1x12 when Erin and Jay were sitting together in the waiting room and Severide came in to see Erin and how Jay greeted him was the scene that inspired me to write this fic. Yes, it was such a small moment and I was looking at it through my shipper goggles but i was like 'oh, imagine Jay being jealous!' _


	8. Own set of convictions

Chapter 8

"So are you ever going to tell me who she is?" Jay nearly choked on his glass of wine at Ally's question, the liquid coming back up his throat and spilling out of his mouth.

"W..what?" he stammered, wiping his mouth. "Who what?"

Ally gave him a smile, one that said she knew him entirely too well to know when he was playing dumb. And maybe she did. After all, they spent their teenage years together and she played an important role in his life up until he went overseas. But just because she knew him, it didn't mean that Jay was all that keen to start spilling his soul to his ex-girlfriend, especially about his love life. Especially since he wasn't sure what Ally thought of their current relationship was.

Ever since she moved back to Chicago, they've hung out and maybe they've made out a couple of times. But every single time, he had put a stop to it, unable to take things further with her. It was almost ridiculous now that he thought about it. After all, she was single. He was definitely single, that much was very clear. They liked each other as people and they had a long history between them. Really, it would almost be a picture perfect storybook ending for them to end up together. If only, he wasn't pathetically hung up on his partner.

"Well?" she broke him out of his thoughts, her eyes waiting for an answer from him. "Come on, who is she? Who is this girl that got you like this?'

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ally," he tried to deny her question. "Like what exactly?"

Ally chuckled, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing from the movement. "Do you think of me as stupid or something? You're forgetting that I know you and I could tell whenever there's something on your mind. You get this look in your eyes, like you're troubled." Her eyes regarded him softly. "The last time I saw it was when you had that fight with your mom, right before you enlisted." Jay directed his gaze down, not really wanting to think back to that time. "You only get that look when it involves someone you really care about. And I'm guessing from the past few rejections of us falling back into bed that you, Jay Halstead, have a girl problem. So who is she?"

"Are you sure you're not a detective?" he teased, earning a soft laugh. "Maybe you missed your calling."

"I prefer to work in an office, thank you very much," Ally retorted. "Can you imagine my hair if I get all sweaty chasing after bad guys? Or me wearing those hideous things you guys call uniforms?" Ally shuddered. Jay chuckled, realizing how different Erin and Ally were. Ally was prim and proper, hardly a hair out of place at all times. She was sweet and she worked hard to make sure she was seen as such. She grew up with a loving set of parents that shaped how she grew up and even with a tragedy with her little brother, it bonded her family more. Jay could only describe his relationship with Ally as pleasant and easy.

Erin, on the other hand, was all rough edges and soft curves. She could cut a person down with a strong glare and a sharp tongue, easily. She was tough— or at least she worked damn hard to make it seem like she was. But underneath all that hard exterior, she was soft and vulnerable— qualities that a person would never use to describe Erin. But that was only because they didn't know her. Because they let themselves be fooled by her, not caring enough to see past her passion and her fire. Or because they weren't just lucky enough to get the chance. Get the chance that Jay got because he saw it all— her strengths, her weaknesses, the sensitive side to her that she hid because she felt like she needed to be taken seriously in their line of work, her generosity, her passion to get justice for the victims. Just everything that made her who she was— for better or for worse. There was nothing _easy_ about his relationship with Erin. It was intense, hard and a lot of the times, he felt like he wanted to pull his hairs out because she just wouldn't let him in, no matter what. But damn it if it wasn't worth it. Even in their short-lived relationship— if it could've been categorized as such— Jay had never felt more alive or happier. To have those glimpses and moments where she looked at him like she saw him— the real him and he was everything she was looking for— and she would let herself be open and vulnerable around him, he lived for those moments. But those moments were gone— given to someone else. Even if Erin had told him that her relationship with Severide wasn't serious, Jay could only hope that Severide would know how lucky he was and be appreciative of those moments.

"See, you're doing it again," Ally pulled him back again. She sighed. "I'm a big girl, Jay. Did I think that maybe we could get back together when I moved back here, yeah. But it's pretty obvious that you no longer feel the same way about me." Jay tried to interject and deny her words but he knew she was right. Whatever they had, it was in the past. He had moved on from his teenage relationship. "And what's even more obvious is that there's someone else. Someone that got you like this. Finishing up my good bottle of wine," she grinned, holding up the wine that Jay finished nearly entirely by himself.

"It's good wine," he added.

"Yeah, expensive too," she quipped but they both knew that Ally didn't care about the price. She was more concerned with Jay's state of mind. "So who is she? Who is this girl that got you all twisted up?"

Jay bit his lips, debating if he was really going to talk about Erin with her. But her eyes were staring him down, letting him know that he wouldn't be getting out of this.

"It's Erin," he finally admitted.

"Your partner, Erin?" Ally frowned, recalling Jay talking about his partner. "Oh, I should've known," she said, shaking her head. Jay gave her a confused look, wondering why she sounded so amused. "Really, judging by the way you've talked about her before and how many times you've brought her up during dinners with my parents, I should've put two and two together." Jay almost pouted. He didn't think he mentioned Erin that much before but Ally made him sound like a lovesick fool that couldn't stop waxing poetic about the girl he liked.

"I don't really talk about her all that much," Jay protested.

Ally only scoffed, disagreeing with his statement. "So what's the problem? She's not into you?"

"No, it's just….it's complicated." Complicated didn't seem to be enough of a word to describe his relationship with Erin. It was barely scratching the surface.

"What's complicated about it?"

"Well, for one thing, we're partners. We work together," Jay began.

"Is that against departmental rules?" Ally question, not being familiar with how things worked with his career.

"No, not really but it's against Voight's rules. He's my Sergeant and he's Erin's….sort of dad?" he trailed off, not really knowing how to properly encapsulate Voight and Erin's relationship.

"Oh, don't tell me that you fell for the boss' daughter?" Ally asked, laughing. Jay glared at her over the table.

"Glad to see you're amused by my pain."

"Sorry," Ally said, sheepishly, but not really looking sorry at all. "So go on, you like the boss' daughter but she doesn't like you?"

"I think she does." It certainly seemed that way when they were sneaking around but Erin was Erin. She was hard to gauge. Even though Jay felt like he knew her, she had the tendency to flip things around in a blink of an eye and kept him on his toes. He was just never really sure where he stood with her.

"But…"

"But she's not willing to give me— us— a shot. At least not in public." He shrugged, trying not to let his hurt show on his face but judging by the soft look Ally gave him, he knew he failed. "She wanted to keep things with no strings attached. I went along with it at first. I just didn't realize how hard it'd be. I just couldn't do it anymore and wanted a real chance. But she rejected me."

Ally looked affronted on his behalf. "Remind me to kick her ass if I see her." Jay could only chuckle at the image of Ally and Erin getting into a physical fight. As much as he loved Ally, she wouldn't stand a chance. "Don't laugh!" Ally scolded him. "I may not look like it but I'm very scrappy and I'm very protective over people I love."

"Thanks, Ally. But it's not her fault that she doesn't feel the same way about me. Can't really fault her. So we ended things— whatever it was that we had anyway."

"But you're not over her, are you?" Jay shook his head, he wasn't over Erin at all.

"No," he admitted, truthfully. "Not even a little. But," he shrugged. "She's moved on. She's with somebody else now. Someone she can take home to Voight."

Ally reached over the table to pat Jay's hands, giving him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."

Jay tried to smile but it came out fake. So he tried shrugging again. "That's life right? Can't get what or who we want all the time. I just got to move on and learn to be a good friend and a good partner to her, like she deserves. As long as she's happy, that's all I want."

Ally squeezed his hand. "You're an amazing guy, Jay. Erin may not see that but it's her loss."

Jay had heard the cliche placation before. While he definitely didn't agree with Ally that it was Erin's loss— it was his— Jay still appreciated her effort all the same.

"Thanks for listening to my girl problems," Jay said. "And for being a good friend."

"Yes, aren't I sweet? Especially for a girl that has just been friendzone," Ally joked, even if there was the truth in it. "What are friends for right?"

Jay smiled and nodded. They both knew that they would never be more than good friends again but in this cold and unforgiving world, Jay knew he could always use a good friend.

* * *

Everyone in Intelligence was tense, knowing what was about to happen. They were gathered in the roll-up, waiting for the arrival of Pulpo— the guy that kidnapped Antonio's son and was the reason why Jules got killed. While Jay hated the guy for hurting his unit and for taking away a team member, his hatred of Pulpo was nothing compared to the utter disdain and hate Antonio had towards the guy. The detective was furious ever since Commander Perry had authorized Pulpo's release from prison and even as he stood in wait, his hands were in tight fists like he was ready to deck Pulpo as soon as he laid eyes on the guy.

"Look, we may not like what we have to do but we just got to suck it up," Voight said to the group, Jay refraining from rolling his eyes at how sympathetic Voight was.

The door to the roll-up opened when the armored truck transporting Pulpo arrived and the guy of the hour came out, immediately starting trouble with his mocking greeting to Antonio. Jay just knew that this case was going to turn ugly. As much as they wanted to catch Gustav Munoz, Jay wasn't sure if it was worth letting Pulpo get even a second of fresh air.

"Conjugal visit? Think he got a girl on the side?" Erin questioned, Voight directing her to find out.

"I know someone," Jay spoke out. "He's a hacker I busted a year ago. He's under house arrest."

"Alright, go ahead," Voight said, dismissing them and the two partners headed out.

Jay followed Erin up the stairs to head out of the station, Platt calling Erin back when they reached her desk.

"Someone stopped by looking for you today. Said his name was Charlie." As soon as Platt said that, Jay saw Erin's body tensed. "Kinda hot. Smelled like cigarettes and Drakarr. Said he knew you from a long time ago."

"You coming?" Jay called, Erin turning around and looking like she had just seen a ghost. Jay's curiosity peaked, wondering who Charlie was and why just by the mere mention of his name had Erin so freaked out.

The whole car ride to the hacker's house, Erin was quiet. Jay watched as she gripped the steering wheel tightly, her jaws set the whole ride there. Jay kept his eyes on her profile, working up the nerve to ask her straight out who Charlie was.

He managed to keep himself from asking until she was knocking on the door of the hacker's house. But even with the ride taking nearly thirty minutes, Erin still seemed troubled by the news she got.

"So who's Charlie?"

Erin looked at him. "Just some guy I used to run with," she replied, vaguely.

Jay narrowed his eyes, zeroing in on her. "Run with or run from?"

She waved his question off, not specifying her answer. "I got it handled."

The tone of her voice told him to leave things alone, that she wasn't ready to tell him who Charlie was. The door opened, forcing Jay to leave things alone for now.

"What's up Johnny?" Jay barged his way into the hacker's house, Erin following.

Minutes later, Jay felt his annoyance grow. Johnny, the weirdo with the strange porn fetish, giving Erin creepy looks from the side of his eyes. Jay snapped his fingers in front of the guy's face.

"Focus," Jay ordered, hitting the table to get Johnny's attention back on task. Really, he should've came alone, especially knowing that Johnny had strange and creepy interests. Clearly, bringing a real live girl— especially someone that looked like Erin— wasn't a good idea.

As soon as they got the address to the house that Pulpo made calls to over a hundred times, they left. Erin shuddered as soon as she got outside, creeped out by her interaction with Johnny.

"I feel like I need to take a shower after that," she joked, grimacing. Jay gave her an apologetic look for pulling her into the situation. "You have strange C.I's, Halstead."

He laughed. "As long as they come through, that's all I care about."

* * *

They should've known that Pulpo was not to be trusted, really. They should've known that it wouldn't be that easy or that things would go smoothly when Pulpo was involved. Erin and Jay had missed out on what happened with the truck and Mexico swap malls but Jay's hacker CI came through since the address that he had gotten them had led them to Pulpo's baby mama and his son.

That was the leverage they needed to get over the guy, to finally get him to start cooperating for real and to get the real location of Gustav Munoz. The plan was set. Gustav Munoz would be at the festival tomorrow with the plan to take out a Cartel leader and this time, Intelligence would finally be one step ahead of them.

"So what are your plans tonight?" Jay asked, following Erin down the steps of the bullpen. They were getting off early tonight since the call time was bright and early tomorrow.

"Hmm, don't really have one," Erin replied. Jay quirked his eyebrows, expecting her to have plans with the fireman. Erin caught his look and smacked his chest. "I don't have to have plans with Kelly every night, you know."

"I didn't say anything," Jay shrugged, shoving his hands in his pants' pockets. Erin lifted her eyebrow back at him before she shook her head.

"So what about you? Big plans?" Erin asked.

"Oh yeah, huge. A hot threesome date with my couch and an extra large pizza," Jay quipped.

"That's just sad, Halstead."

Jay parted his mouth, pretending to be insulted. "Don't mock me, Lindsay," Jay retorted, the two falling back into the easy banter they had before. Before things got complicated and feelings got in the way. Jay bit his lips, debating on whether he should ask his next question. "So…"

"So…."

"Seeing as how you're a loser with no plans tonight and I'm just so nice, I'll share my pizza with you."

Erin stopped in her step and turned around to look at him. "Are you inviting me over to your place?"

Jay looked nervous and awkward when she looked at him, her eyes questioning him. "Yeah," he replied, scratching the back of his neck. He licked his lips. "We said we'd be friends right? Friends hang out, right?"

A small smile came over her face and she nodded. "Right." Jay grinned, happy that she had accepted his offer. After what happened to her at the hospital where she was held at knifepoint, Jay made a vow to himself to push aside all the bullshit aside and focus on being her friend. She couldn't give him everything he wanted but her friendship was what he needed and he was going to be there for her. Even if it would be hard to be in a close proximity with her and not have her like he had her before, he knew they needed to hang out and get back to where they were before.

She turned back around and he followed, Jay opening the front door of the precinct.

"Oh thank you," Erin said and Jay could hear the smile in her voice. It sounded beautiful to him and he was hopeful that they could get back to how they used to be.

But his happiness was short-lived because Erin turned and she stilled when a strange man entered the station.

"Erin!" the guy greeted Erin like he had known her all of his life, his arms opening wide to hug her. "I'm back."

"Charlie." Jay's eyebrow lifted at the name. So this was Charlie. Jay studied the guy just like Charlie studied him. Erin looked uncomfortable and dare he say, almost scared. It caught Jay's attention because Erin rarely let her fear show and her whole body language was screaming that she wanted to get away from this guy.

Erin turned to look at Jay. "I'll see you tomorrow," she told him and waited for him to leave. Jay set his eyes on her, looking at her body language and facial expressions.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice telling her that if she needed him, he was there. That he didn't feel right leaving her there with this guy who looked like nothing but bad news.

"Yeah," Erin replied, although her voice didn't sound so sure. Jay wanted to stay, wanted to get her away from this Charlie who got her looking like Jay had never seen her before. But both her and Charlie stood in place, waiting for him to get out. So with a final look at Erin just in case she wanted to stop him at the last second, Jay made his way out but not before getting a real good look at Charlie, memorizing his face.

Jay stepped out into the cold and headed to his car. But he couldn't force himself to leave just yet. There was this gnawing feeling inside his chest, his eyes on the closed doors of the station, knowing that Erin was just on the other side with Charlie. Even if there was an iota of a chance that Erin needed him, Jay wanted to be there. So he climbed down the steps and waited for Erin to come through the door.

After a few minutes, the door opened and Charlie came down the steps. Jay stood up straighter against the wall of the station so Charlie wouldn't see him and Jay watched as the guy headed towards his car and drove off. A few minutes later, Erin finally came out, her hands in her jacket. She looked shaken and Jay found himself wondering just who Charlie was if he got her so rattled after a few minutes with her.

She was so deep into her thoughts that she didn't notice Jay until he came out from the side of the stairs and stopped in front of her.

"Shit!" Erin cussed, placing her hand on her chest at his appearance. "You scared the shit out of me Jay!"

"Sorry," Jay grimaced, wanting to scare Erin being the last thing on his mind.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you left already?"

He gave her a look, a quirk of his eyebrow. "You really think I'm going to leave you alone with that guy?"

"I'm fine," Erin shook off his concern but Jay could still see the uneasiness on her face. He frowned, getting even more worry.

"So that was Charlie," he started, trying to get more information on exactly who Charlie was to Erin. Erin gave him a look like she knew what he was doing. He gave her one right back. "Call me curious. Nosey, even." He waited for a reaction at his joke but none came. He took a chance and held Erin's arms, waiting for her to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Erin gave him a small smile as a reply. "Yeah." He didn't believe her for a second but he knew better than push her, especially out in front of the station.

"So you still up for pizza? I'll even get double pepperoni like you like?" Erin nodded as Jay pulled his arm around her shoulder and led her to her car.

* * *

"I don't know how you can eat this," Jay whined as he took a bit of his pizza. "I mean there's just too much pepperonis."

"It's freaking delicious. More meat on the pie, the better," Erin argued, her mouth chewing happily on her own slice.

Jay frowned. "It's just so salty like this," he grimaced, taking a large gulp of his beer to wash it down. Erin just shrugged and returned her attention back to her food. Jay could only grin as he watched her down the slice in record time, his little foodie. He was just glad that the scared and frightened look she had on earlier after her run-in with Charlie was gone.

"You know, you can always remove the pepperoni from your slice and give them to me if you don't like it," Erin suggested. Jay took her suggestion and tried his hardest not to smile like an idiot when she happily took his discarded pepperoni and put them on her next slice.

"If you pass out from high blood pressure from eating all that sodium, I'm not carrying you to the hospital," Jay teased.

"And you call yourself a good partner," Erin tossed back.

"I'm a great partner. I'm willing to give you CPR, mouth to mouth," he returned, not realizing that he took them to a place he didn't mean to. To where the flirtatious banter that were filled with sexual tension and innuendos. He didn't realize it until Erin set her eyes on him, getting quiet all of a sudden. He parted his mouth when he finally realized it, cringing and chiding himself inside for making things awkward. He was just so used to flirting with her, both of them teasing each other, of the two of them hiding their wants and desires with flirty words and looks.

He didn't want to make her feel awkward, especially tonight. He had just wanted to be there for her, to take her mind off of Charlie and the last thing he wanted was to screw it up. But thankfully, Erin shook it off and just gave him a playful roll of her eyes. He let out a quiet exhale, relieved that Erin was pretending to let it go and not make things even more awkward.

It was easy to fall back into the comfortable atmosphere after, both of them finishing off the pizza while they watched the game. Actually, Erin watched the game while Jay snuck glances at her, making sure she was okay and that her mind still wasn't on her interaction with Charlier earlier. When the game was over, he turned the t.v off and set the remote back on the table. Erin groaned as she stretched her body, her shirt riding up to show a sliver of her toned stomach. Jay tried to avert his eyes, determined to keep his promise to himself to be a good friend to Erin— just friends.

"I should get going," Erin said, standing up and grabbing her jacket. Jay nodded as he followed her to the door.

"You okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she opened the door, ready to leave. But before she left, she turned around to look at him. There was a soft look in her eyes as she regarded him and Jay waited, wondering what was on her mind. "Thank you," she finally voiced.

"It's just pizza," he replied, waving her thank you off.

She shook her head and placed her hands on his arms. "Come on, we both know it was more than that. Thank you for being there for me," she said, her eyes holding his. "For making sure I was okay and for being a good friend."

He gave her a grin in return. They both just knew each other so well and could see right through each other.

"Always," he replied, his heart melting at the dimples that took over her face. She held his gaze a while longer, Jay unable to pull away and look elsewhere. She leaned in closer and laid a soft kiss on his cheeks, her lips brushing his skin like a butterfly landing on a rose before it flew away. She gave him one more smile before she turned and left, Jay closing the door as he heard Erin's footsteps getting further and further away.

* * *

The next day took an unexpected and harrowing turn when Pulpo pulled a fast one on everyone. They rushed down to the bullpen as soon as they heard the gunshots and Jay nearly wanted to vomit at seeing Antonio laying on the dirty ground, blood coming out of his chest.

The wait to hear if Antonio made it through the surgery was agonizing, especially seeing Laura and his children looking distraught. Erin was trying her best to comfort Antonio's wife and Jay knew she was trying to be strong for Antonio's family, that she was trying to hide her own worry and fear from them. Finally after what felt like days, the doctor came out and told them that Antonio would be okay.

That was the good news they needed. They didn't need Antonio telling them to get Pulpo to make sure that they wouldn't stop until the guy was caught. They were more than determined to bring him in because there was no way in hell he was going to get away with hurting another member of their little family.

As much as Jay wanted to catch Pulpo and make him pay for his crimes, hearing Voight ordering them that Pulpo wasn't going to be alive after they catch him didn't sit right with Jay.

"Sir, I'm looking for a little clarification for what you last said," Jay asked, everyone around him remaining quiet like what Voight wanted them to do was perfectly normal.

Voight came closer to him, getting in Jay's face. "Pulpo ain't making it to a jail cell tonight. Is that clear enough for you?" Jay just nodded, not really knowing how to reply to Voight's explanation. Voight glared at him once more before he stalked off, leaving Jay with a storm brewing in his head.

Jay knew that Voight was prone to taking matters into his own hands and that his Sergeant felt like he could dole out justice in whichever ways he wanted to. Jay just didn't agree. Voight wasn't god. He didn't have the right to hold someone's life in his hands and do whatever he pleased with it. Pulpo needed to pay for his crimes, there was no doubt of that but that was why there were laws in place for. That was why police and units like Intelligence existed. It certainly wasn't to let Voight run around, doing whatever he wanted.

Jay cornered Ruzek in the locker room, wondering how the younger guy felt about it. As usual, people were willing to overlook Voight's indiscretions like they were perfectly normal and just. Jay couldn't disagree more. They were in a heated debate when Erin caught them, stopping to wonder why they sounded like they were fighting.

"So we're all willing to just go off the book for Voight?" Jay asked.

"Look I'm just four months out of the Academy man. I just do what I'm told," Ruzek replied, like it was an excuse.

"Even if it means being part of a lynch mob?"

"If you're asking if I'm going to turn over my shield and protest, no I'm not," Ruzek replied honestly.

"I'm saying what do we do?" Jay stressed. "If we find Pulpo, are we just gonna turn him over to Voight?"

"All right everybody relax!" Erin interjected, stopping his argument with Ruzek. "What we do is find Pulpo and then we can figure it out." Jay bit his tongue as they made their way back to the bullpen. Erin had a point. They needed to find where the guy was hiding first.

* * *

Jay splashed water on his face a couple of times, trying to get some life back into his body. They had been working tediously to search for Pulpo and he was tired both physically and mentally. He still had this big moral dilemma hanging over his head, a question unanswered of what he was going to do if and when they find Pulpo. If he was willing to live with letting Pulpo go in Voight's custody and turning a blind eye for whatever Voight and Al were going to do with the guy.

He heard the locker room open and knew it was Erin right away. Her perfume gave her away.

"You okay?" she asked as she straddle the bench, looking at his hunched body from afar. Jay just shrugged, not turning around to face her just yet. She sighed. "You know, I get where you're coming from."

That grabbed his attention and turned his body around. "You do?" He wasn't sure where Erin stood with everything and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Erin saw Voight as some sort of an untouchable hero, like his words were gospel.

"I want Pulpo to pay for everything," Erin admitted. "He took Jules. He kidnapped Antonio's son. Antonio is in the hospital because of him. I hate him so if you're asking me, will I cry if Pulpo somehow ended up at the bottom of the lake? No," Erin said truthfully. "But if you're asking me, if I'm willing to be the person that put him there? No, I'm not."

Jay remained quiet as Erin continued. "Voight has his own beliefs, his own ways of doing things. I don't agree with everything he does, no matter what you think Jay."

"So what are you going to do?" Jay asked. "If we're the one that found Pulpo. Are you really going to let Voight do whatever he wants?"

"Are you?" Erin tossed the question back to him, knowing that it was a question he couldn't answer either.

* * *

Erin stood in the roll-up as the door opened and Al's car returned, Pulpo coming out of the car and taken back into custody. Voight didn't say anything as he stalked his way back to the bullpen, Al and Ruzek following. Erin's mind was troubled and tired but she was just glad that everything was over now. That Pulpo would be back in prison where he belonged. That somehow someway, Jay had stopped Voight and Al from making a huge mistake.

Speaking of Jay, Erin met his eyes as he stood outside. He didn't come in or say anything even when she tilted her head in greeting. He just gave her a small smile— so small that she almost missed it— before he left, leaving Erin to watch his retreating back. He was such a good man, Erin thought to herself. He was strong, steady, and had his own set of convictions and morals. Really, he was too good for Intelligence and the gray area that they operated in. She was just glad that he was able to somehow stop Voight from tossing Pulpo in Lake Michigan.

She returned to the bullpen and saw Voight sitting in his office, obviously unhappy. She entered and sat down in front of him.

He sucked in his cheeks when he saw her, pursing his lips. Erin knew he wasn't happy about how everything ended tonight. How he couldn't serve his version of justice on Pulpo.

"Your partner stepped out of line tonight," Voight began. "He overstepped his boundaries tonight. That's his problem. He always thinks he knows better. That he's the leader of this team. Hard headed and stubborn."

Erin scoff, unable to stop herself. "Hank, stop," she spoke up. "You should be thanking Jay."

Voight's face turned red at her words. "What?"

"You and I both know that Jay is right about this. That whatever you were about to do with Pulpo, it wasn't right," Erin continued, feeling the need to defend Jay. She had let Voight rail on Jay for so long, knowing that her father figure wasn't a fan but enough was enough. Jay was a good man and he deserved to have Erin stand up for him, especially when she agreed with him.

"Pulpo belongs at the bottom of the lake," Voight sneered.

"Yeah he does but it doesn't mean you're the one that gets to put him there." Erin sighed. "I know what you did to Browning. I've heard the stories and the rumors and it doesn't take much to put things together." Voight kept his eyes on her, glaring at her for bringing Browning up.

"We did what we had to do," Voight said, defending himself. "Sometimes you have to take things into your own hands. Do what you believe is right."

Erin could only scoff. "You mean what _you_ believe is right. Because I love you Hank but what you believe is right and what is actually right aren't always the same things," Voight parted his mouth and tried to interject but Erin stopped him. "And if you really believe what you say then you wouldn't be pissed off at Jay. Otherwise you'd be a hypocrite."

"What?"

"Jay did what he thought was right tonight. He stopped you from doing something you can't take back because as much as he thinks that Pulpo is scum, it doesn't give me or you the right to do whatever we want. You should be thanking Jay."

"You're defending your boyfriend?" Voight questioned, his voice dangerously low.

Erin could only sigh. "Don't," Erin said. "This isn't about whatever me and Jay have or don't have. This is about you having a problem with Jay for having his own convictions, his own set of rules that doesn't align with yours. You don't like him because he won't fall into line, that he's not easy to control. That he knows how to stand up for himself and what he believes in. You say that you like strong people and that you believe in doing what you think is right but that only applies to you."

Voight remained quiet, his eyes studying Erin. Erin sighed, feeling like she had said enough and had given enough food for thought to Voight.

"Jay is a good man. He's a great detective. You know that Voight. You may not like him or think that he's too stubborn and headstrong but that's only because he knows how to stand up to you." She stood up, ready to leave. "He's my partner. He's the best partner I've had. I trust him with my life and I've tried to keep quiet because I didn't want to get in between the two of you whenever you clashed before. But that was before. I'm gonna stand up for him, even if it's to you, because he deserves it."

With that she left Voight's office, leaving the older man with his thoughts.

* * *

Jay had been quite surprised when Voight had called him out to meet him. Jay wasn't sure if he was going to show but he felt like if he didn't, it was saying to Voight that what he did tonight was wrong. But Jay knew he wasn't.

So Jay showed up at the bar, waiting to see what the older man had to say. Voight ordered them a drink, telling Jay to sit down.

"You're gonna hear me out, "Jay started, ready to defend himself and let his feelings know but Voight didn't give him a chance, interrupting him immediately.

Jay listened as Voight went on about following his own set of convictions, trying to do what he thought and felt was right. "Sometimes, I'm wrong," Voight continued, catching Jay off-guard. He didn't think Voight had it in him to admit that there was a possibility of him being wrong. "And when I'm wrong, I can admit it and I try to move on, knowing I've done all I could. To best protect the city." Jay remained silent, wondering what else he had to say. "I have my own convictions and you have yours. I don't agree with it but….I respect it."

Jay was surprised, knowing how hard it must be for Voight to admit that he actually respected Jay.

"What brought this one?" Jay asked, after he finished his drink.

Voight licked his lips and looked at Jay. "Your partner," Voight replied, Jay's heart thudding whenever Voight brought up Erin's name when it was just the two of them. Jay was always paranoid that with one look, Voight would see Jay's feelings for Erin so he tried his hardest to keep his face neutral. "She made me see that maybe I'm a little too hard on you."

Jay was surprised by the revelation, mostly by the fact that Erin would stand up for him to Voight.

"And she was right," Voight continued. "I may have let my personal feelings play a role when it comes to you. But you're a good detective, Halstead. I'm lucky to have you in my unit."

Jay's eyes rose in surprise, not really expecting Voight to say something nice about him.

"I'm proud to be in Intelligence too," Jay returned, the two men coming to a sort of understanding that night.

* * *

Jay wanted to see Erin, he wanted to thank her for standing up for him to Voight but it was late. Too late for him to just go over to her place. He especially didn't want to run into the fireman if he was spending the night. But he wanted to talk to her at least, he wanted to hear her voice.

"DId I wake you?" he asked when she picked up his call, greeting him with a raspy 'hello?' "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," she replied. "I was just watching a movie. Alone." Jay smiled when she added the last part. "What's up?"

"I um...I talked to Voight tonight," he said, scratching the back of his neck. He was nervous and even though she couldn't see him, he couldn't stop his nervous habit. "I just wanted to thank you."

"For?"

"Standing up for me," he said, smiling. As hard as he tried, he couldn't stop himself from reacting to the fact that Erin stood up for him to Voight. "You didn't have to."

"I did," Erin returned. "I just told Voight the truth. That you're a good detective and an even better man." Jay felt his face getting warm. "I'm sorry Jay."

He frowned, wondering why she was apologizing. "For what?"

"For me taking so long to say something to Voight," she explained. "You've always been there for me, even when I didn't even need to ask. And I've been a coward, kept my mouth shut when it was my turn. I know this isn't much but I do want you to know how important you are to me. You're my partner, Jay."

Jay smiled. Even though he knew that Erin wasn't ready to stand up to Voight regarding their relationship, he appreciated this all the same.

"You're my partner, Erin." he returned, the two of them smiling softly on opposite ends of the call.

And that would be enough for now.

* * *

_A/N: Ally''s been friendzoned so 1 down, 1 to go? Lol. At least Erin is making a little progress when it comes to Voight. _

_Thank you so much for your responses to the latest chapter of 23 Encounters. I think the votes were pretty split evenly between this story and Who We ought to be. But the past couple of days, I had nothing to watch so I ended up binging on season 1 the show and got motivated to crank out this chapter. Seriously, I need more shows to watch but nothing has really caught my interests lately except for the new Michael Jordan documentary. _

_Thank god I have writing fics during this time. Anyway, enough of my rambling. I will be posting an update for Who We Ought to be on Thursday/Friday. I'm almost finished and it's a long one so please be on the lookout for it. _


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